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78 Public Reviews Given
100 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Black Gargoyles  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Good story that mixes the fear and inability to split reality and dreams apart when just waking up. The last paragraph seems to have a typo with "loo". Otherwise, entertaining story. Thank you for sharing it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Donating some gift points for those doing the reviewing. Hope to have my second book ready for reviews within a month or two.
In the meantime- enjoy

Aiva
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Review of What lies ahead.  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Once again, a great poem. I love your different turns of phrase- especially "crossing silver drenched fields". It created such a stunning image in my mind as I read it.

I like how each stanza pulls the reader from one to the next.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoy your poetry. You have a lyrical way of breaking the stanzas which ensures the reader continues from one to the next. You also have an awesome talent for imagery and choosing just the right word to help build a picture in the readers mind.

Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Cute poem. I wish purple pumpkins really existed as it's my favorite color. Alas, short of painting them, I'm as bereft as your child in the poem. Grin.

Thanks for sharing a smile to brighten my day.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review of Complex Numbers  Open in new Window.
for entry "'Sup, Y'all?Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This bit made me laugh. I couldn't help but envision My Cousin Vinny when reading it. And also made me think about how often I use the word, "Dude", which, the way I use it, is almost as useful as a certain four letter word that can also be noun, verb, adjective, etc.

I love colloquialisms! Y'all is valid, at least in my view.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Great poem. There's wonderful visual imagery and sound throughout that easily sets the scene in the reader's mind. I really liked the phrase "first dark, then pale, then growing rare". Nice touch on using the same phrase "shadows wriggle against the walls" naturally throughout each of the four stanzas. Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review of The Mad King  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a great read. I was able to sympathize with your main character, Herman and felt hope each time he did. Well written and I especially loved the ending.
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Review of WeedLand  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Grin. Cute poem with a nice flow. I like the tongue in cheek feel and definitely identify with the humor and irony.
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Review of Bella  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Beautiful poem that celebrates the life of a cherished companion. Many times I've felt the similar urge to look for or pet a friend who's left. I remember the joys they brought and the ache they left behind when their journey ended.

I like the alternating rhyme you have on this.
I'm glad you have happy memories to help balance the loss.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review of Aloneness  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Interesting introspective on either introversion or depression. I think it fits both as an introvert often prefers to be alone- to view rather than react or interact. And depression leaves one wanting to be outside- wanting to be apart. But life does push and pull. As you stated- it abhors isolation and seeks to push chaos and life everywhere.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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Review of Interloper  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this. At first I envisioned a flower and then as I came across the "it is hated" line- then I began to wonder what flower or weed was the target. I smiled once I got to the dandelion part. I share the conflict. It's truly a pretty flower with multiple beneficial uses, but because it persists in growing in what should be a nice pristine lawn- we consider it a weed.

I really like the last stanza- a wry observation that even beauty cannot spare one if it stands out where it shouldn't.

Alas, it is true
Even beauty must be gone
If it does not fit


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
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for entry "J'nak'Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
LOL. I think my favorite was the stanza-
The
percolator sings
Monday’s hot melody.

This poem made me smile and I must admit it's a rather cheery outlook on Monday than people normally have. Very cute description of coffee brewing. I quite like it.

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Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I really like the phrase "asphalt of irrational fears". It gives a visual imagery of hard unyielding stone. It's an analogy I don't think I've heard before and I quite like it. Kudu's for tackling each of these poetry forms so successfully.
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Review of La Caleuche  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
The sound of waves caress a shore- almost a mixed metaphor here. Sound mixed with touch- it makes this opening sentence seem a bit off. You may wish to revise.
I like the entire second stanza. Nice pacing- nice imagery
4th stanza- pacing is off- consider word choice
6th stanza-pacing is off- consider word choice
3 & 5- pacing and imagery are good

I like the ending- I think you've done a good job of creating a character mourning for her love and who is drawn to the sea. Likening the sea's embrace with a lovers at the end is skillfully done. I think you could cut a few stanza's and increase the overall pacing of the poem while keeping the theme. You may wish to consider eliminating the stanza's from the "ghost lover" and keep it all from the woman's POV, but that's just my suggestion.

Overall an entertaining read.
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Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Technical concerns:
The first stanza the 3rd and 4th lines seem a bit off on pacing.
The second stanza I read several times and couldn't seem to find a pace at all. You may want to consider word choice.

Imagery:
This poem has great descriptive words, darkened night, flaunted pride, flashing thunder. However, the first stanza and the second stanza seem to describe two entirely different stars. One is craven like a thief, streaking silently, yet the second stanza has the same star booming in thunder, with aplomb and flair. There is conflict between the subject (the star) between the first and second stanzas.

While the words you have chosen have great descriptive value, I think you would benefit from choosing a mood- either the silent craven thief, or the bold thundering one- but trying for both distracts from the poem overall.

You've made a good start. I think with a little revision, you can have a great poem.
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Review of The Visitor  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overall, a very good read. Poignant and interesting. The only suggestion I would have is that you tone down the adjective/adverb use. There are a few spots where its a bit much. I have a few suggestions below.

east-facing room becomes room.
pale white walls reaching up to a small, textured ceiling.
(you already used small in this sentence so remove WHITE and remove the SMALL)
what he came to know as- Remove - just leave the breakfast
Her heavy brown eyes showed a moist redness, her tear ducts swollen from overuse.
change to her brown eyes were red, her tear ducts swollen from overuse.

Keep writing!
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Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Spunky little poem- nice bit of irony throughout. Only jarring part was the way you formatted it. I realize it was on purpose, but it does make it somewhat difficult to read and takes away somewhat from the enjoyment of the poem.

Last stanza is a bit off- doesn't flow quite right. Otherwise- good job!
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Review of My harbour  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Minor suggestions for improvement- you have several spots where there are two dots. I would suggest either putting the correct punctuation of a period, or removing the dots altogether.

A few other changes that might make the poem flow better-
Change- Why don't it's people just let me be?
to Why don't people just let me be?
Labels and judgements in abundance are,- to are in abundance
Soon gonna take my sanity!- to Soon they will take my sanity

and I need not steer anyone else's Ships!
to No need to steer another's ship.

Other than that- nice visual words. You did a great job of describing the impetuousness of a child to the restraint and wisdom of an adult and the longing and regret we feel when we realize we lost a bit of our passion as we grew up.
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Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I have a couple of questions. Are you looking to do pieces that travel journals or magazines would post to assist/inform potential tourists- IE like a Fromer's Guide?

Or are you looking to do more of a non-fiction book relating your travels similar to say Anthony Bourdain and his Kitchen Confidential book?

If you are looking to do more like the travel pieces/Fromer thing- then you need to take most of the personal experiences out- especially the "happy" pizza experience and make it more of a "here's what to look for, here's what to expect, I recommend seeing this, etc etc.

If you are looking to do a collection of travel experiences- then the piece you have written works great, but I doubt it will market well to a travel magazine. You would want to collect all the experiences together and market it to a non-fiction publisher.

Hope this helps.
Shar
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Review of Her Eyes...  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Fantastic imagery! I greatly enjoyed this- its in a style I haven't seen very often, short story crossed with a poem almost. Very much enjoyed
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Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Breathtaking. Wonderful. Your loss and your love and beautifully expressed.
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Review of Tragic play  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
Good choice of words and phrases to relay your experience, however, you might want to look at a few changes to help better convey the emotions you are expressing in this poem. Run it through a spell checker so that any words misspelled are done so on purpose. It may read better with less spacing between the lines. I did rather like the "Why...is the opaque word" - that was a nice turn of phrase.
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Review of As I Fought  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice pacing and style.
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Review of Unconditional  Open in new Window.
Review by Aiva Raine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Cute poem, describes quite well how lucky the author seems to feel on the love they have.
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sharziey