My kind of verse! Reminds me a little of Suz Winspear - the Goth Queen of Darkness - and also New Zealand's Jordan Reyne ("Remembering The Dead", which I quoted from in the first chapter heading of my novel "The Half-Life of Brian"). Have you ever tried Angela Carter's 'The Erl-King'? Nice semi-archaic feel to it. Pity it's so short, I want to know more!
A great sense of mystery, atmospherically written. Genuine feeling. One possible tip for improvement is to cut back on the similies a little. Overall I enjoyed it.
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