Oh what a wonderful treat to read! I bust out laughing and upset my partner with my early morning outburst. What a perfect way to express his feelings.
The ONLY thing that bugged me was the idea that he might have still more on his bucket list. If you could add "and final act of" in that bucket list sentence, this would be utterly perfect. Much like former President Bush being hit with the shoe, this is exactly what many people who dislike President Trump would LOVE to see happen.
I'm still rating it five stars because it's charming and perfect. Thank you for sharing this story!
I really enjoyed this concept of Hope. Fixing the technical errors (grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc.) would enhance this story. You might try reading it aloud to yourself or someone else and see how it sounds and where changes can be made. Also, read everything you can get your hands on, good and bad. Thank you for sharing this delightful idea.
Some things I picked up after a close reading. You can do what you like with this, I offer them as suggestion only.
It’s some old saying that they use to toss around before the Dreaming happened. -Instead of they, you might try the specific word "people".
Some sentences are missing words. Example: Lastly, man once more able to wield magic. -This sentence needs a verb, such as was. There are others in the writing.
Youth can create too many paths. -This is one of those profound statements, but it really needs more detail about why youth in the world you've created creates too many paths. Is it not enough experience? Reading this jerked me out of the reading and caused me to consider this statement.
My robes have no clothes to represent either my magical discipline or my god. -This statement was a bit confusing because I don't understand how robes could have clothes. Did you mean cloths or badges, symbols and embroidery?
The Pinocchio reference was excellent. Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed it.
I'm not sure why you tagged this romance given the object the love is directed at. It's a lovely poem! I found a small spelling error: outshinning should be outshining. Otherwise, I enjoyed this poem. Thank you for sharing it.
Wow. Very powerful! I really enjoyed how it circled the issue as it presented more details, peeling away to reveal the full situation. The topic was handled very well, and I wanted to believe she would receive good news even though I know the reality it it's a 50/50 shot.
This was well written and executed. I did not anticipate the higher power being God and was intrigued to read more and see where this went. I hope you do write more to this story. I didn't notice any major errors or issues; nothing jerked me out of the story unduly. Thank you for sharing this story!
Cute story and very enjoyable read! Some of the grammatical errors interfere slightly with the read. The word gobbed has a different meaning than how it is used here; perhaps wording that area differently would help with understanding.
Thank you for sharing this short story!
The imagery evoked here was very nice - I found myself thinking of many a quiet day, watching the popcorn clouds float by as I sat with my loved one at a lake one afternoon. Thank you for your poem and the memory it resonated. I can offer no improvement - it is beyond my skill to do so.
I really enjoyed this concept. I'm not sure if the grammar issues were intentional to reflect the internal brokenness presented. In the line "You told me love was only fine" the word only seems like it doesn't really fit into either the line or thought - have you considered words like just, simply, or even leaving the word out?
It's a good poem of love and the impact love's lack and love itself can have. Thank you for sharing this poem!
An enjoyable read on the surface that brings questions to my mind in terms of backstory. Very delightful and well written. I thought of William Carlos Williams as I read this. Thank you for sharing it!
A cute story - what did the mouse do while he waited for nightfall? Why did he wait for nightfall? The obvious answer is that he likely waited because the danger would be less after dark, but there are other answers. Well written, enjoyed the flow - the choppiness reminded me of how a mouse will start and stop, change directions in a heartbeat while still flowing along its path.
Overall the poem creates a sense of quiet; however the split of the lines creates a jarring impact in opposition with the prompt. The word "fight" also acts in opposition to the prompt.
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