\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sboyce89
Review Requests: OFF
4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Do Not Go Gently  Open in new Window.
Review by thePen Dragon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Cool! I love the title and it's definitely an intriguing read. The one thing I would like to see is a bit more elaboration about what these things are and why the little girl feels sympathy for them. I also got the impression that there were more of them than just 2 at the beginning. But all in all, I like the story.
2
2
Review by thePen Dragon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Nice! I'm getting a real 2001 Space Odyssey vibe from this. Be sure to keep the voice as active as possible:

"Captain Thorpe floated weightlessly," instead of "the weightless form of Captain Thorpe floated."

"The bright halogen floor lights outlined Edwards' casual figure" instead of "The figure of Edwards..."

Hope that helps. Thanks for the read!
3
3
Review by thePen Dragon Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Haha, I like your tagline best. I also prefer my Spam in a can. And my credit card company doesn't even HAVE my email address. Thanks for the read!
3 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sboyce89