Wow...I'll start with that. This piece has passion poured into it like gas on a fire. It held my attention all the way to the end, but I think I was feeling tired by the end of it. Maybe that's how you feel as well, after all the mystery, the hurt, and the continued feeling. A sense of emotional exhaustion?
I really liked your timing, the spaces made the piece feel more full. They weren't empty spaces, but spaces drawing the reader in. Drawn in to look into the mystery of your love. The intensity was perfect with the spacing. In fact, if it had been written without the spacing, I don't think I would have actually liked the piece. It would have seemed too drawn out. They were like small breaks for contemplation before throwing oneself back into the river of your soul. I've felt many things for people in intimate settings, and often the confusion of all the mixed emotions makes it impossible for me to do anything but pray. Your poem shows courage, as well as some foolishness. It seemed you put your hand in the fire, knowing it was hot, but hoping it would accept your show of trust by warming your skin and not scorching it. Your character is very real, and the lover is as mysterious as the poem makes it out to be. The only reason I don't give five stars is because, frankly, I've had enough of love for the immediate moment and the piece does not really fit my current mood. I wrote something similar only a few hours ago. But keep it up! I liked the imagery, it was somewhat erotic without being distastful. And your descriptions of sense perceptions added color to a piece that was almost entirely blood red. I'd love to read another one of your works.
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