This gave me some really deep visions of 9/11. You did a really good job on the meter and rhyming, I love to read poetry but can't write it to save my life! But you managed to evoke strong imagery here with the words and I do know that is key in poetry.
I really loved the ending on this. It made me smile and tear up at the same time, it was an unexpected twist. For a short story it worked really well. Good job and keep writing!
S.P.
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