This story is loaded with rich imagery--some of it quite creative, some of it downright confusing.
Creative and clear: ". . . into her whitewashed tomb of a house with its white drapes that hung like condemned men."
Creative, but confusing: "At the stockade fence, he heard nothing from the back yard, only sassafras leaves scraping their way down the empty street leaving nothing but their root beer smell."
I enjoyed the jovial relationship between the boys. Their attraction to one another as friends lends a great deal to the sensual attraction. Your dialogue between them is convincingly real.
You have a gift for rich imagery. Perhaps you try to hard with this, for it often goes over the top and becomes confusing. Relax with it. I am convinced you have talent. Keep writing!
This reviewer is in the unique position of being female, yet not the sort who needs "retail therapy." I have dreaded clothes shopping all my life. Therefore, I laughed all the way through this story for I related both to the male point of view as well as the female. (I must innately have some sort of fashion sense, for even I would not suggest "fishnet tights or something black with suspenders.") Thank you for this entertaining bit of inoffensive humor.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sagiscar
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 5:13am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX2.