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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/s.holmes
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4 Public Reviews Given
10 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
First I want to say that I am sorry about your sister. This topic can be a tough one to write, read, review etc., but I have to say that it is one really moving and incredible piece. The imagery you used I think is perfect, basing on the theme of looking "up" to heaven. I could sense the bond that you had and still have with your sister, which was really moving and added a lot of power to your poem. The other thing that I liked is when you started, your tears were "flowing in torrents", but the next stanza they were a "gentle stream", and then in the next they created a rainbow. That was my favorite part of the poem. Very well done.
Sincerely,
- P. Moriarty
2
2
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved it. Not only because it was funny, but because I used to think that there were monsters under my bed, and I know other readers will have the same thoughts. I also liked the fact that you incorporated your family into this too. It adds the personal touch to the poem that really makes it your own, and also allows readers to relate. I think that when you chose to include a rhyme scheme it added to writing in your child's perspective, and how funny kids really can be. I can picture a child telling this story to someone, which makes it even funnier. Great work.
P. Moritary
3
3
Rated: E | (4.5)
Over all the poem was very moving and you really got the point across that you are indeed lost and afraid. I liked that in the lines "Everything moves so slowly, here./I push off with my feet, and/
Reach my hands out to grab ground, again." You used commas before the last word of the line, causing the reader to pause, then continue reading. What I thought that you should have done was when you started your next stanza with "I repeat, moving more quickly, now." take out all punctuation to make things seem faster as you near the end of the poem and your dream sequence. I also liked when you turned into what I interpreted to be a tiger. The type of animal aside I liked the fact that at one point you did feel powerful, and that you carried the "moving more quickly" imagery through to the end, where you ended it with "It surrounds me and I begin to fall./
I’m afraid." What popped into my head is that when you do wake from a dream, you do feel groggy and afraid/confused before you fall back to sleep. I think that is awsome that you were able to have the reader relate to your own personal feelings. Over all very good. Keep it up!
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