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96 Public Reviews Given
252 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Remembering 9/11  Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a great poem, written with thought and care. It symbolizes so many feelings felt by so many Americans on that fateful day. The words you chose are right for the setting, nothing jumped out as unusual or offsetting. By the fifth line you are almost in a rhythm and then you end with the word ‘collapse” and it keeps the vibrancy of the poem in motion without turning it into a sing song pattern that oft happens with poems. I really enjoyed this piece. It is very well written and conveys a depth of emotion.
2
2
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Item: 1169977
Title: City of Sin
Chapter: 1
Author: Saved by Grace

Setting:

Your descriptions are very good. I noticed that in some places you described things a little more than they needed. I’ve made notes in the line edits.

Characters:

Crystal is a young girl who has been brought up as a Lady. She lacks courage and is not prone to taking risks. She tends to let her best friend influence her and this gets her into trouble.

June has been raised as a Lady, but she is wild and reckless. She is headstrong and leads her friend into trouble.

Mystery Man he came across as strong and a defender of women.

Referencing:

n/a

Plot:

This novel starts out with Crystal debating her decision to attend a dance in the back of the town. She is indecisive and nervous about going. I like how you show her indecision, but in some place’s it read more telling than showing. I have made some suggestions and tried to show what I mean, if it doesn’t make sense email me and I will try to explain better. I’m the worse about explaining things. *Bigsmile* I like how you are building up your character Crystal and showing her indecision about marrying Charles, he sounds stuffy.

Grammar:

I’ve noted these in line edits.

General:

Hi Grace, I finally made it to your novel. I enjoyed this first chapter and I think you have the beginnings of a good romance novel. A few things stood out and they are some of the same things I had a problem with in my first novel, and some of the things I still struggle with in my current novel. The first thing I noticed was the repetitive use of certain words, for example she. You might want to revise a little so you can get rid of some of the unneeded words. If you do I think it will make this chapter read smoother. Also, I noticed that in some places you were telling the story instead of showing the story, again I’ve made some suggestions. I like where this is going and I hope to read another chapter tomorrow night. Thanks for sharing your first chapter with me.

Line edits at Romance House
3
3
Review of The Fall of Hope  Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item for
The Fall of Hope Open in new Window. (E)
For a contest on Seasons. it is about Autumn.
#1607521 by Joseph Michael Webb Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:


This poem reflects the changing seasons and describes the fall. The words you use to describe the changing seasons are good and seem to flow smooth. The poem reflects and compares the changing season while portraying your reception of the new season. I enjoyed the poem and liked the flow of it. The stanzas read well and have a rhythm to them that is engaging.

My suggestions:

my skin feels chill [ Perhaps, my skin feels chilled

The first two lines both end in “lies”, perhaps change one of the words so it doesn’t read redundant.


The part that sticks out in my mind :

Leaves fall with urgency like grace
Come and see—jump into the new embrace!

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon

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4
4
Review of Columbine  Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
 Columbine Open in new Window. (E)
Which is most important: the why, the blame or the lost?
#1545301 by Fyn Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

This is a thought provoking poem that speaks the truth and brings the message home in an emotional way. I remember the horror of hearing about columbine and I like you feel the Why is not as important as remembering the victims and the loss of innocence. I like your word choice, the way your sentences are written, and I enjoyed the message of your poem.

My suggestions:

No suggestions everything seemed fine to me.

The part that sticks out in my mind :

What is important now
is not culpability
of parent, society or friend
but of the lost possibilities
of budding flowers
that shall never bloom.


Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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5
5
Review of The Home Sampler  Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
The Home Sampler Open in new Window. (E)
Living with an unmedicated person with Bipolar Disorder
#1601407 by Fyn Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

An interesting and well written poem that pulls the reader in and makes them think. I liked your use of colors and referencing to sewing in order to describe your experience. The word choice was good, the stanzas flowed smooth and made sense.

My suggestions:

No suggestions everything seemed fine to me.

The part that sticks out in my mind :

I tried to keep the green threads separate
but somehow the needle flew-tangling
and knotting until I fell apart at the seams.


Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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6
6
Review of Knight's Children  Open in new Window.
for entry "Prologue" Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item for
 Knight's Children Open in new Window. (13+)
A young adult Vampire novel in progress.
#1470134 by Kaysha Kastle Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

This is an interesting Prologue to a Young Adult Novel about Vampires. I like how you draw the reader in with your opening sentence. Your voice is fresh and interesting. I like your style and deliverance. I hope you add more of this novel so I can read it. Good job and kudos for a job well done.

My suggestions:

We truly care about humans; actually we are risking our lives to save them.

Perhaps,

We truly care about humans and risk our lives daily to save them.

But if we should fail, if we don’t survive. . . I trust that this record will find someone that can stop them.

Perhaps –

If we fail and do not survive---I trust this record…

problems where that – Perhaps – problems were that

The part that sticks out in my mind :

It’s not just a myth or a creepy story told at camp.

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon

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7
7
Review of Shallow Waters  Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item for
 Shallow Waters Open in new Window. (E)
Beneath the pretentiousness.
#1378163 by nanausakidesu Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

I liked the meaning of your poem. So many times, I have met someone and felt the feelings you portray here. Your words are well chosen, they flow smooth, and they poem tells a story without being over the top. I enjoyed the simplicity and yet the depth of this poem.

My suggestions:

No suggestions, I like how you’ve written this and I like your word choice.

The part that sticks out in my mind :

Are you just pretending?
Or is it the true you?

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon

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8
8
Review of I Stand Alone  Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1573717 by Not Available.


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

This beautiful poem that reflects your inner feelings and how you feel about your journey through this world. I liked your word choices and you use of similarities. The stanzas flowed smooth and I didn’t notice any unusual or odd words.

My suggestions:

No suggestions, I like the words your chose and the way you compare dyour feelings to something tangible and feasiable.

The part that sticks out in my mind :

listen to the winds that talk to me
and bathe in the rain as the sky cries
I dance upon the cold, wet earth
as I gently sway and sigh

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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9
9
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
Grow your manhood here?  Open in new Window. (18+)
Poem about a commercial I saw this A.M. My Bf said to write about something different:P
#1580542 by Just call me Omni Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

What a hoot! I love your sense of humor. This poem was musical and lighthearted and made me smile. I think I’ve seen that commercial or an email like it. Your word choice was good, the flow seemed smooth, and the poem as a whole told a story that was fun.

My suggestions:

There’s a pill for you now
to make women yelp.

Perhaps –

There’s a pill for you
That’s guaranteed to make a woman yelp.

The part that sticks out in my mind :

‘Size doesn’t matter’
is a common phrase.
If you believe that,
you're in a serious daze.


Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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10
10
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
STATIC
A WONDERFUL LIFE  Open in new Window. (E)
My companion, my partner, my cherished bride,and my very dearest friend.
#1522068 by Oldwarrior Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

Another beautiful poem written to the woman you loved. Again, you used wonderful words that are perfect for a poem written as a legacy to your love. This poem flowed smooth and easy, and stirred joy, happiness, thankfulness, and sadness in my heart. A great way to engage your reader and transport them back to their own life with their special loved one. I enjoyed reading this poem as well and again I must say, Job well done.

My suggestions:

I know not where the time had gone, twas the batting of an eye.

Perhaps,

I know not where the time has gone, twas the batting of an eye.

But I spent it with my wife, and my very dearest friend.

Perhaps,

I am so thankful I got the chance to spend it with my wife and dearest friend.

The part that sticks out in my mind :


Upon the face that time has worn, a life of joy we’ve shared,
A thousand memories and a million laughs, and the things that we have dared.

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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11
11
Review of FAR FROM HOME  Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
STATIC
FAR FROM HOME  Open in new Window. (E)
Native American love story in poetic form.
#1520763 by Oldwarrior Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

This is a beautiful, heartfelt poem, which was written to the woman who holds the key to your heart. I liked the words you chose and the meaning hidden in each one. I also like how you wove the animal kingdom into your story of love. The lines flowed smooth and were easy to follow. I didn’t notice anything odd or unusual that bumped the reader out of the setting. I enjoyed this poem and I can tell from your words that you love your wife very much. Great job!

My suggestions:

He seeks her favor, he wants to play, he will never leave her be.

Perhaps,

He seeks her favor and wants to play. I doubt he will ever leave her.

He preens and chatters and throws a fit, to show that he’s the best.


Perhaps,

He preens, chatters, and throws a fit, to show all he is the leader.

The part that sticks out in my mind :


I know that she will wait for me, near the brook with the broken tree,
With her slender arms and raven hair, as her wistful thoughts run free.

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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12
12
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
 JESUS BEFORE COLUMBUS? Open in new Window. (E)
Did Jesus Christ visit the ancient Native Americans?
#1500692 by Oldwarrior Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

What a great essay on things from the past that seem to have no explanation. I like you think Jesus visited all of the world and that most of his time on Earth is undocumented. The factual information you have included makes one ponder the questions others before us have asked. One of my favorite channels is the discovery channel followed closely by the history channel. Both have shown programs about similar topics and questions. I know one such program showed drawings on a cave, which resembled a space ship. UFO’s are still a big question mark to me, but if Angels descended to Earth or Jesus, I would guess it would be with bright lights and a loud sound. So your theory is plausible and makes sense. I enjoyed this essay and I will remember it when I watch future programs about the ancient people.

My suggestions:

No suggestions, you have stated your opinion and backed up your information with facts.

The part that sticks out in my mind :



As for the Native American belief in First Man, did not Jesus say in (Matthew 15:11 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, the First and the Last?") So, to these ancient Americans he would by definition be "First Man."

A funny side note to the above, when researching my genealogy I found a distant relative named Alpha Omega Rosenbaum who was born in the 1800’s. I suppose her poor mother was adamant there would be no more children. *Bigsmile*

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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13
13
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
STATIC
NO MORE SPIRITS IN THE SKY  Open in new Window. (E)
A Native American mother cries at Wounded Knee.
#1526692 by Oldwarrior Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

This is a beautiful poem written from the heart. Your choice of words are great and allow the reader to visualize a Native American Woman sitting alone beneath the shade of a willow tree deep in thought. The sentences and stanza flowed smooth and nothing odd or unusual stood out to me. The way you reference Native Lifestyle, ie: Our sacred songs, no totems, sacred fire, all combine to give this poem a glimpse into the life of a Native American Family. Job well done!

My suggestions:

My people are scattered to the winds – I don’t think you need the ‘are’ used here.


my soul will not never be free

The part that sticks out in my mind :



I am an empty vessel, and must learn the White Man’s ways,
No happy native children to soothe my final days.

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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14
14
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item for
 Great Grandma's Hands Open in new Window. (E)
A poem dedicated to my Great Grandma, one of the biggest influences in my life.
#1466824 by Kaysha Kastle Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

This is a beautiful testament to your Great Grandmother. How wonderful that you got the chance to spend time with her and to learn her wisdom before she stepped into the next world. Your choice of words is perfect, and they are used in such a way that one can hear and feel the love you have for this wonderful elder in your life. The stanzas flowed smooth and nothing read odd or awkward to me.

My suggestions:

I have no suggestions to make. The word choice was good, the flow and placement of words read smooth and easy. This poem flowed almost musically.

The part that sticks out in my mind :

Withered, leathered, tough as nails,
Gentle as a birds wing.
Delicate and veined were they,
The hands that were my everything.

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon

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15
15
Review of The Who, is Me!  Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WDC Frontliners Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item for
The Who, is Me! Open in new Window. (E)
A cry for understanding,a prayer for all
#1481756 by granny Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

Oh what a wise poem this is. I like you think we have failed our children and grandchildren. For the last twenty years, it is as if the world has been turned upside down and shaken loose from its firm foundation. Your words are so true, so deep, and hold such meaning. This poem is an inspiration, an awakening, in some ways a confession of us all. You chose the perfect words to express your inner thoughts, the lines flowed smooth and unrestrained, Bravo on such a beautiful piece.

My suggestions:

None, I wouldn’t change anything. This poem is self supporting and teaches us so much about ourselves.

The part that sticks out in my mind :

No wisdom of grandmother and grandfather,
no traditions to pass on,
no stories to remember who they are
and to honor the Creator who loves them.

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon

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16
16
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1596506 by Not Available.


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

I enjoyed reading your poem and finding the hidden meaning. Love is a scary path and oft times seems like an endless search, but I’m a firm believer that there is a soul mate for each one of us, and at some point in our life we will find them. I am glad you finally found your mate.

My suggestions:

experience comes from its sometimes cruel hand.

Suggestion;

Experience comes sometimes at a cruel hand.

The barbed wire that surrounded my heart, corroded.

Suggestion:

Corroded seemed a little odd to me. Perhaps, The barbed wire surrounding my heart fell free.

I thank God for bringing me to him and him to me.

Suggestion:

I thank God for leading me to him and him to me.

The part that sticks out in my mind :


If youth belongs only to the young,
How then have I found my personal fountain of youth?

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this short story.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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17
17
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
Sticktalker's Autobiography Open in new Window. (13+)
From Comic Books to Novel in 61 Years. 2009
#1599379 by Sticktalker Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

I am so glad to meet you and to learn about your life. What an industrious little boy you were. Writing a book and then renting to your friends. Now that’s good business sense. Its odd isn’t it how the years fly by and on some days you feel like you missed a chapter or too? It’s like hey where did the last three years go? I loved your bio and I can tell you have a great sense of humor. I enjoyed reading your story and look forward to reading and writing with you.

My suggestions:

None, this is your Bio.

The part that sticks out in my mind :

How do you pack 71 years into 1000 words?


Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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18
18
Review of Bogeyman Nights  Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
Bogeyman Nights Open in new Window. (13+)
Hilarious happenings, while guarding a teen's domain.
#1304904 by Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

I laughed so hard when I read your story. I love Old Lucy reruns and understand exactly what you mean. Imagining your rather muscular brother wrapped in a pink robe, lying beneath a Princess bedspread, with ballerina music blaring in the background had me almost crying. You wrote this piece in a delightfully, uplifting easygoing style that caught my interest from the start. I loved your closing, that the joke was on you since there really was a prowler. I bet you still wonder whose rather large feet were standing outside your window.

My suggestions:

I did not notice any grammatical errors or misspellings. When writing the beginning I’m not sure if you need Many, perhaps just Years ago, would suffice.

In the next to last paragraph, perhaps instead of writing, on me when, use , on me since the next night.

The part that sticks out in my mind :


She had a plan. (Those famous words could only be matched by the much-famed character "Lucy," from the old sitcom, "I Love Lucy.")


Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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19
19
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
 The Man With No Home Open in new Window. (ASR)
Are the homeless treated any better at Christmas time?
#789391 by VictoriaMcCullough Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

This poem is so true and I wish others would read and understand its meaning. In a country overrun with wealth, it is sad to think here are still so many who have nothing. Down on their luck, sick, alone in the world, each of these homeless persons have a story to tell. You have written this poem with a masterful hand. It flows and ebbs with an ease that amazes me. I am new to poetry writing, but I hope one day that I can write a piece as touching as this one is.

My suggestions:

I did not notice any grammatical errors or misspellings, the flow seemed correct to me, and your words seemed chosen with care. I could not find anything I would change.


The part that sticks out in my mind :


He is suffering the pain like
a man named Jesus.
He must bear the burden of poverty
like any other poor man.

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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20
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Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Sticktalker,

I am reviewing your item
 My Summer As a Dog Open in new Window. (13+)
contest entry for NAI
#1535299 by Sticktalker Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

What an exciting career you had! A journalist has always been something that interested and intrigued me.

This story was so cute and well written. Looking back to my youth, many years ago as well, I often pretended to be a horse, so I can understand what you’re saying. When you write about how your mother used to read to you, I smiled. What a wonderful memory to cherish and legacy to pass on to your grandchildren. The pace of the story was good, the descriptions were just enough without overshadowing the storyline, and I enjoyed how you threw in some dialogue and included the doggie sounds. This was a wonderful short that put a smile on my face and made me chuckle. Now if I ever run across a copy of Rusty I will think of you.

My suggestions:

I did not see any grammar or punctuation problems, but then again that is one of my weakest areas. The sentences flowed good, the structure looked and sounded well, and this story was interesting, kept my attention, and ended well. The only thing I found that you might want to change is, stories about “Rusty the dog” for one day, if I’m not mistaken the title should be written as follows, “Rusty the Dog”

The part that sticks out in my mind :

I found a couple of the old Rusty books and bought ‘em. I said they were for our youngsters but, really, they were for me. Memories, you know what I mean?

I do this all the time. Whenever I’m at a thrift store and find something from my childhood I buy it and tell my husband it’s for our grandchildren. The only problem, our grandchildren haven’t been born yet, they are due in December of this year, and I’ve been doing this for years!

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon


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21
21
Review of Ballerina  Open in new Window.
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item
 Ballerina Open in new Window. (E)
i've never been in ballet, but this came in a hopeful time...
#1596890 by ♪Bellz6406♪ Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expert and do not profess to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

I enjoyed your poem and could envision your ballerina dancing around on stage. This poem encourages the reader to stop and think, digesting your words and their meanings. People who watch dancers of any genre often fail to remember the pain, suffering, and sacrifices these young people make in order to perfect their craft.

My suggestions:

A few of the words step away from the piece disturbing the flow of the smooth flow of the poem. You might want to consider deleting or replacing these words with other ones. I have made two suggestions below.

In the first line I do not think you need the second she. It tends to stop the flow of the stanza. When I read this line, I stopped reading and went back to reread the line instead of continuing to the second line.

She spins and she twirls,

In the sentence below, I think the use of stronger word such as disguised instead of there is no, the stanza will be stronger.

No But the pain is disguised on her face.

The part that sticks out in my mind :

This particular section ran through my mind almost like a song. I loved the way you worded this section.

Around and around,
any dance you choose.
She'll give you her best
in those ballet toe shoes.


Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do, so keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this poem.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review by SLRE Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reviewing your item for
The human condition Open in new Window. (ASR)
Sort of prologue for my next idea. Not happy with it so reviews an opinions would be great
#1454507 by Aaron - Stormwielder Author IconMail Icon


Remember this is just my opinion. I am no expect and do not proclaim to be. Feel free to ignore everything I say, for the only thing that matters is what you think. Thank you for sharing your work with me

My personal Opinion:

Wow. What a great introduction to a story. Makes me want to read more, and I will. I’m curious to see what they did to this person. Great Work!

My suggestions:

I have made a few suggestions, which I have sent via email. Simple revisions that you may or may not agree with, remember this is JMOP.


The part that sticks out in my mind :

Would it still be worth it?
Would you still be you by the end of it?
Would you still want to be special?

Remember all that matters is you enjoy what you do. So keep on putting your words in stories or poems. Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing your work, I really enjoyed this Story.

Have a wonderful day!

SLRE Author IconMail Icon

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