This is incredibly well written. I love the visiuals your descriptions inspire and how real you've managed to make Henry. This brief glimpse into the world you've created makes me want to read more.
You have good dialogue in this, I especially liked the baby deer bit. The chapter reads like a screenplay, which is an interesting concept. If that wasn't what you were going for, maybe try adding a bit more detail between the lines of dialogue to break it up a bit and add to the ambiance.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rosettao
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 8:03pm on Nov 10, 2024 via server WEBX2.