I liked this, I like the way it's laid out. I'm no poetry expert but I like the different words you use that help to prolong the seduction. The poem is laid out like the body from head to toe, and the last two sentences finish it well.
A great start!! I like your honesty and your grammar. And it's also good that it's true.Truth makes for the best reading. Keep it up, make sure to send me your next piece))
Lovely story. Well written with an uplifting message. Your grammar is very good and a pleasure to read. I like the way you write in short sentences. I like the way the girl wrote eggs three times to convey her excitement at having them for breakfast! I hope you go on to write plenty of best sellers, with similar uplifting messages, the world needs your voice!
Ronan
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