Rob G. ~Led by the Master~'s (rob2457) Reviews

Rob G. ~Led by the Master~

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535 Public Reviews Given

665 Total Reviews Given

1

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#4103907

Review of The Man in Plaid

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Fran,

' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review is part of the gift basket from "Invalid Item"

that Marci Missing Everyone

bought for you.'

1. Title / Subject
The title fits the poem nicely as the man in question is indeed the subject of the poem.

2. Form and Mechanics
This is a non-rhyming Free Verse poem written in two b line stanzas. As a Free Verse poem, there is no set meter, and no set syllabic count per line. The poem being aligned at left of page seems correct, however; I think the poem would be more visually appealing if it were aligned at the center of the page. It would also look bigger placed at the center of the page. Short, short line poems seem to blend toward the edge of the page.

3.Spelling and punctuation are correct. There are a couple of places where the grammar is slightly askew. Those places are:
1.

"Stalking the darkness"

This line should read (stalking in the darkness.) as it is,, it sounds like the stalker is trying to watch the darkness rather than stalk a person.
2.

"dance into the night"

This line in both stanzas should read (dances into the night.) Other than that, this poem is basically written in short line phrases. Since you use the hyphen in the last two lines, you should consider ending the poem with a period. As to the punctuation being correct, you have chosen to eliminate most punctuation under the guise of poetic license.

4. Poetic Expression
You followed the prompt to create a very nice poem. Along with the prompt, you use some very vivid imagery in this poem. You can actually see this poem taking place. That's what poetry is suppose to be.

Overall, this is a very nice poem. The fixes I mentioned are very minor, I just get long winded.I love the way you use imagery, keep painting pictures. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

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#4096172

Review of Flying

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello Sawyer,

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by Samberine Everose

.'

1. Title/Subject
The title fits the poem nicely. The title coupled with the first stanza make a very strong lead into the rest of the poem.

2. Form and Mechanics
This is a Free Verse poem written in short stanzas. As a Free Verse poem there is no rhyme, rhythm, syllabic count, nor meter required. Placement on the page at center alignment is correct, and it is visually appealing to the reader. Stanza division seems correct as each stanza covers one thought, I would suggest removing the title of the poem from the body of the poem as you have the title at the top of the page.

3. Poetic Expression
You use some nice imagery to show the reader what you want them to see. You also use enjambment to your advantage. You have also used some alliteration and repetition in the poem. Spelling and grammar are correct, and dialect and diction seem consistent and correct. You have chosen not to use punctuation under the guise of Poetic License. This is not technically wrong, but in my opinion, any poem is made better with punctuation because that tells a person how you want them to read your poem, and what you want them to absorb or take from your poem.

4. Excerpt

"The bird's beak chiseled with glass
Unused to being used, its legs
Itch for the sky
Itch to walk
On air"

This stanza shows some of the imagery used in this poem, as well as repetition. My favorite verse of the poem.

5. Closing
The couplet you use to close the poem is exactly the right way to end this poem. It sums up the whole of the poem nicely.

Over all, this is a nice poem. A little work and it will be a keeper. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

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#4093876

Review of A Collection Of Short Stories

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello WritingNoob,

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1. The first thing that I noticed was that these are three of the stories you have as separate static items in your port. I have read them all again and can give honest observations on them. First I want to say that this is a good way to keep your stories together rather than have them on separate static items. It allows you to open them all at one time, you can pick which story you want to work on, and you never have to dig through your port to find one of them.

2. Having the title to each story in bold lettering is very smart. This allows anyone who comes to read this item know that is the title of the story, rather than a connector of sorts. The title to each story fits nicely. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct on all three stories. I found no odd phrases or forced sentences in any of the stories, and; diction and dialect seems consistent, and correct.

Over all, this is nicely done. I would suggest taking the individual items out of your port since you have them saved in one document. Also, I would suggest adding to them so you can make them viable short stories so they can stand alone as full length short stories. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

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#4093504

Review of The Kiss

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Princess Zelda,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Title
The title is catchy, it's strong, and it fits the poem nicely{. The first stanza of the poem gives anyone with knowledge of the Bible the answer as to what kiss you are writing about.

2. Poetic Devices
Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct. I found no odd or forced phrases or sentences, and dialect and diction seem consistent and correct.

3. Form and Mechanics
This is an Abhanga Poem
This form consists of 4 line stanzas or quatrains, the number of stanzas is left up to the poet. The syllable count is 6-6-6-4, and the rhyme scheme is a-b-b-c with only the second and third lines of each stanza rhyming. You followed the requirements perfectly with the exception of the last stanza where you have a partial rhyme. Placement of the poem on the page is good, but I believe it would be more appealing if it were aligned center page. The line breaks are correct.

4. Excerpt

"My dear, dear friend, Judas,
Were you born just for this?
Betrayal with a kiss.
For that one night?"

This is the perfect stanza to represent this poem. Not only does it Explain the title, but it is the reason for the poem.

Over all, this is a great poem. I think it would be even stronger if you could finish it with a true rhyme though. Take care of that and you've nailed it with this poem. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

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#4093011

Review of Sword poem

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Princess Zelda,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Subject
The title could be a strong one if you had given it a title. "Sword Poem" should have gone the about the poem slot. Something like "The Shining Sword" coupled with the first 5 lines would be a very strong opening.

2. Poetry Devices
In this poem you use enjambment to the max since there s no punctuation. You have enough visual imagery in the poem. Even though there was no punctuation, I had no problems with scansion or flow. You also used the poem to create a visual of a sword. Beautiful job. You can also hear your unique voice shining through in this poem.

3. Mechanics and Form
Spelling and grammar are correct. Punctuation is not correct as this form is to have punctuation as part of it's make up. The form is Picture Poetry, or Concrete Poetry. This form was created by Eugen Gromringer, Oyvind Fahlstrom, and Decio Pignatari. Diction seems consistent, and correct. Spelling and grammar are correct. Punctuation is not correct as punctuation should be included in this poem.

In closing, this is a beautiful Picture Poem, just need to add punctuation. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

6

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#4092884

Review of Come Home...

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello Princess Zelda,

: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Subject
The title of this poem fits the poem nicely, and in fact; you use the two words in the title as the first and last lines of the poem creating an envelope effect...and a visible thread running from the title to the closing line of the poem. Nicely done.

2. Poetic Devices
You use some imagery, some emotion, and some praise to weave a nice tribute to our home away from home...Writing.com.

3. Spelling is correct. There is no punctuation as each line is a complete statement. Since the poem consists of 8 lines with a syllable count of 1, 3, 5, 7, 7, 5, 3, 1, Lack of punctuation is understandable. There is no rhyme in this form... The Joseph's Star Poetry Form. You have followed the rules for the form correctly.

In closing, this is a beautiful tribute to WDC. I had never heard of this short form before, but now I have a new poetic form to try. I have no suggestions to make other than LEAVE THIS ONE ALONE. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

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#4092704

Review of Spring is here...

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Princess Zelda,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Subject
The title fits the poem nicely, and the subject of the poem is actually the title.

2. Poetry Devices - Form
You use imagery, sight specific and sound specific as pertains to the subject to paint a picture of spring for the reader. You also use enjambment to your advantage. Nicely done! This is an Acrostic poem so there is no rhyme, , metric, or syllabic requirements. A reader will easily be able to hear your unique voice in the poem.

3. Mechanics - Form
Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct with the exception of one word. In the last line of the poem

" Enchants every eye that can see."

The word enchants should read enchanting to make the grammar correct. I found no odd or forced words, phrases, or sentences in the poem, and diction seems consistent and correct. You followed the Acrostic rules perfectly. Placement on the page is correct, but is not so pleasing to the eye due to the alignment of the individual words to the left.

4. Closing
The final stanza...also being the last word of the title is the perfect ending for this poem. Good job. The only suggestions I have for you are to fix the one word in the last line, and to place the single words aligned left. Then the appearance will be much nicer.

Over all, this is a very nice Acrostic poem. With a little tightening this one is a keeper. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

8

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#4092581

Review of HE WAS A MAN OF SIMPLE BIRTH

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello Oldwarrior,

Before I review your poem I want to thank you for entering

FORUM

The Lighthouse Poetry Contest

(E)
Contests With A Christian Theme
#1742964 by Legendary❤️Mask

I also want to say that I love your poetry, and hope you will continue to be a part of this contest .

1. Subject
The title is strong, and paired with the first two couplets of the poem makes a very strong opening for the poem.

2. Poetry Devices
For the most part I found no problem with the scansion. There were a couple of places where the flow was not as smooth as it could be in a couple of places as well. The rhythm was consistent throughout the poem in large part due to your choice of words and your choice of punctuation. Your use of imagery, scattered alliteration, This is a rhyming Free Style poem written in stand alone couplets. As a Free Verse poem, no set meter is required. Taking this into consideration, everything worked quite well together in this poem. The way this poem is written allows your unique voice shine through to make this a strong poem.

3. Mechanics
Your choice of words is consistent, seems to be correct, and makes the poem a pleasure to read, and helps to make this a strong poem. Diction is consistent. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct, and I found no errors. Placement on the page is correct.

4. Closing

"I will come again, for a second time, He smiled and shook his head,
and from the graves and from the sea, I will raise the honored dead.

So keep your faith, and spread My love, and I will mark you on My list,
and on that day when I return, you'll live in eternal bliss."

These couplets make a very strong ending for this poem. As to the prompt, this would be one aspect of the whole. Good job.

Over all, this is a strong poem. I on;y found a few places that could use some tightening. You do write with the intent of show don't tell, and have done a good job with that. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

9

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14 days may be credited.

#4091673

Review of To Thee I Pray

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Amethyst,

' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Title
The title fits the poem nicely as you speak of prayer in the poem itself.

2. Syntax
Spelling is correct. There is no punctuation as the author has chosen not to punctuate this poem. Under the guise of poetic license...there is nothing technically wrong with this. Grammar is correct with the exception of the 5th couplet.

"I cannot hold my pain in
and feel trapped in a lion's den"

The second line in this couplet should read either: and I feel trapped, or, I feel trapped omitting the word "and."

3. Form and Mechanics
This is a rhyming poem written in stand alone couplets. There is no syllabic or metric count which would make this a rhyming Free Verse poem. Placement of the poem on the page seems correct and is pleasing to the eye.

4. Excerpt

"God please help me
and set me free"

This is the perfect way to end this poem. I love the fact that the author shows her faith in this poem quite nicely. Good job!

Over all, this is a nice Free Verse poem. Just one place to tighten up and you have a short keeper poem. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

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14 days may be credited.

#4091655

Review of Afraid of the Devil

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Amethyst,

' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Title
The title fits the poem nicely as you speak of being afraid of the devil in the poem.

2. Syntax
Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct. I found no odd or forced phrases, and dialect and diction seem consistent, and correct.

3. Form and Mechanics
This is a Free Verse poem. As such, there is no rhyme, meter, or syllabic count requirements. Placement on the page is correct, and the line break seems correct.

4. Excerpt

"The thought of Satan
sent fear through my entire being."

The thought of satan sent shivers down every kid's spine I do believe. The boogey man, the devil himself, had me terrified when I was a kid.

Over all, this is a nice Free Verse Poem. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

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14 days may be credited.

#4091519

Review of No Glamor in War

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello writingnoob,

' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Title
The title fits this short story nicely as the soldier makes the discovery of this truth toward the end of the story.

2. Syntax
Spelling and p1unctuation are correct. Grammar is correct with one exception, and diction and dialect are consistent and correct. The one instance in which grammar is incorrect is:

" There is no glamor in watching your comrades die and wonder if you're next to go."

In this sentence, "wonder" should be wondering.

3. Plot and Twist
The plot is straight forward. The soldier is rushing into battle. Prior to the battle the soldier looks at going into battle as being a glorified thing to do. The twist comes at the end when the soldier learns war is war, and there is nothing but ugliness in war.

4. Excerpt

". All of this is going through my mind as my enemy plunged his sword straight through my chest."

What a way to end this short story! Good job!

Over all, this is a good short story. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

12

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14 days may be credited.

#4091490

Review of Magic: The Clash of Two Powers

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello writingnoob,

' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Title
The title fits this short story, or story segment as you do have two powers clashing, the dragon; and the wizard.

2. Syntax
Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct, and dialect and diction seem consistent and correct.

3. Plot and Twist
The plot in this segment really is non existent as this is more of a narrative about a fight. this is a fight between good and evil, and we get a play by play announcement. There is a twist in this segment.. Who wins? Not telling!

4. Excerpt

" The great dragon swiped its barbed tail at the wizard, forcing him to create a glowing force around himself. The dragons tail smashed the force, destroying the enchantment. The battle had begun."

This shows a little of the author's imagination at work.

Over all, This is a nice story segment. This can be worked into a nice story. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

13

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#4091481

Review of The Wizards Choice: Draft Two

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello writingnoob14,

' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1.Title
The title fits this short short as the wizard did have a choice to make. Would it be the right choice? Maybe!

2. Syntax
Spelling and punctuation are correct, and grammar is correct with the exception of two words that are out of place...or not needed.
1. In the following sentence:

" But hell was preparing for war."

The word "But" is not needed in this line since it is not a continuation of the sentence before it. Simply begin the sentence with the word Hell.
2. In the following sentence:

" He and three other wizards were sent off to find the gateways of hell and destroy the them but"

you do not need the word "the" and you need a comma after them.

3. Plot and Twist
The plot to this short segment of a larger story is straight forward. Three wizards have a choice to make. Are they going to destroy evil, or not. The twist: they must give up their lives to do so.

4. Author's Expression
The author mixes imagination with imagery to create this short piece. Good job!

Over all, this is a nice segment of a larger story to be. Tighten up a couple of places and this one will be ready to insert into the story, or build on. I would love to see this one worked into everything it can be. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

14

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#4090373

Review of I Envy the Evergreen Tree

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello Aundria,

' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Title
The title is catchy, and it fits the poem well.

2. Syntax
Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct. I found no odd or forced phrases or sentences, and dialect and diction seem consistent and correct.

3. Form and Mechanics
This is a Free Verse poem. As such, there are no rhyme, syllabic, or meter requirements. This poem is beautifully written, and with the author's choice of punctuation, it reads smoothly. Placement on the page is correct, and the line breaks seem natural, and correct.

4. Poetic Expression
you have used beautiful, and I mean really beautiful imagery, enjambment, and personification to paint a picture for your readers. Excellent work!

5. Excerpt

"I envy the evergreen tree.
His bright coat calling
to those seeking comfort.
The birds change course
just to find him."

This is a beautiful stanza in itself written from the point of view of a tree that has lost his leaves for the winter, and it is the perfect intro to the rest of the poem. Good job!

Over all, this is a very well written Free Verse poem. I found nothing to criticize, and to change anything in this one would only serve to weaken it. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

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14 days may be credited.

#4090355

Review of Trail of Darkness

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello Aundria,

' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Title
The title is strong, draws the reader's attention, and fits the poem. The title also abides by the rules for this form.

2. Syntax
Spelling, punctuation/lack there of, and grammar/as it pertains to phrases are correct. I found no odd or forced phrases, and diction and dialect seem consistent and correct.

3. Form and Mechanics
This is a Blitz poem. It is written in short phrases with no punctuation. Each line is to be a short phrase of at least two words. The first two lines begin with the same word. The 3rd and 4th lines begin with the last word of line two. and the 5th and 6th lines begin with the last word of line four. That pattern continues through 48 lines of poetry. The last 2 lines of the poem, lines 49 and 50 are the last word of lines 48 and 47 in that order. The last line of this poem is incorrect as it should be the last word of line 47, which would make line 50 "Fear" The Blitz poem is meant to be read quickly, only pausing long enough to take a breath. The placement on the page is good, however; I think it would be neater in appearance if it were placed in the center of the page.

4. Poetic Expression
You have used imagery and repetition to weave a trail of fast and furious poetry for the reader. Good job!

5. Excerpt

"Failure and sorrow
Failure and loss
Loss of innocence
Loss and trials
Trials and heartbreak
Trials and tears"

This shows us some of the author's writing prowess in working with repetition.

Overall, this is a very nice Blitz Poem. Just one thing to tighten up and it's perfect. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

16

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#4090304

Review of Wraith of Time

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello Aundria,

' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Title
The title of the poem is strong, catches the attention of anyone who happens upon this poem, and fits the poem very well. Good job!

2. Syntax
Spelling, punctuation - non-existent, and grammar are correct. Punctuation is correct in that the author has undoubtedly chosen to not use punctuation through poetic license. I found no odd or forced phrases or sentences, and dialect and diction seem consistent and correct.

3. Form and Mechanics
This is a rhyming Free Verse poem written in triolet or triplet stanzas/Stanzas consisting of three lines. The rhyme comes 1in the last line of one stanza with the last line of the next stanza, therefore; stanza 1 rhymes with stanza 2, stanza 3 with stanza 4, and stanza 5 with stanza 6. The author has done an excellent job with this. The placement on the page seems correct and is visually pleasing.

4. Poetic Expression
The author uses imagery and rhyme to paint a picture for the reader. You can see this poem, or hear it snapshot by snapshot, sound bite by sound bite.Beautiful job!

5. Excerpt

"Now trapped in a prison
Her life not her own
She trills a mournful refrain"

This triolet is one snapshot, and one sound bite that the author used to complete this piece of poetic art. You'll have to read the poem to see and hear the rest.

Over all, this is a very nice piece of work. I found nothing that I can offer any advice on other than to possibly add punctuation, but that is the author's prerogative. With that said, this is a strong poem with all the right moves, in all the right places. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

17

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#4090190

Review of Rolling of the Storm

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello Aundria,

' ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was purchased for you by an anonymous member.'

1. Title
The title fits the Poem nicely. This being a Blitz poem makes the title even stronger, in particular with regard to the word "Rolling."

2. Syntax
Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct. I found no odd or forced phrases or sentences, and dialect and diction seems consistent, and correct.

3. Form and Mechanics
This is a Blitz poem. The Blitz poetry form requires no punctuation because - you are not suppose to use sentences or questions in the form. Since you are to only use short phrases in this poetry form, grammar is correct. The form is written in couplets...non - rhyming. The first couplet begins with the same word. Beginning with the second couplet, you start that couplet off with the last word of the line right before it, and continue through the poem in that fashion for 48 lines. Each line must be a short phrase, but at least two words. Lines 49 and 50 are one word lines, they are the last words of lines
48 and 47. That makes line 49 the last word of line48, and line 50 the last word of line 47. The title should be three words. The first word from line 3, and the first word from line 47, with them being connected by a preposition or conjunction. The poem is to be read quickly, only pausing to take a breath. Alignment on the page seems correct, and is pleasing to the eyes.

4. Excerpt

"Life of Happiness
Life of Beauty
Beauty of calm
Beauty of Storm
Storm of emotion
Emotional Storm
…Storm
…Emotion"

The author ended the poem perfectly with these lines.

This is a poem about finding a foothold on life...after the loss of a child. In the words of the poem you see that the author has made peace with life. Over all, this is a beautiful poem. The only thing I found wrong with the poem is "The Title, fix that, and this is perfect. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

18

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#4089438

Review of Passion Burns Through My Veins

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello TJ Marie,

I am reviewing your poem as part of week 12 I write.

My first suggestion would be to remove the title from the body of the poem as the title is always at the top of the page. I would also suggest placing the definition of the Acrostic at the bottom of the poem. This would be much better for appearance.

1. Title
The title fits the poem as the Acrostic is correct.

2. Syntax
Spelling was correct. There were some problems with punctuation and grammar. You had an unfinished sentence here or there, and some of the commas were unnecessary. I would suggest typing your work on MS Word before creating your item. This has saved me many a headache when it comes to editing my work.

3. Form and Mechanics
This is an Acrostic poem. It requires no rhyme, syllabic count, and no meter. It requires only sentences and phrases, and the first letter of each line must be the corresponding letter of the title. The form is written correctly. The poem is placed in the center of the page which seems to be correct, and is visually pleasing.

4. Excerpt

"Ruined angel is full of trickery and spells,
One evil one, sees her as unbidden"

Is she to blame for it all, of...?

Over all, this is an acrostic that follows the rules. There are a few spots that need some work, but once you tighten this one up a bit you'll have a keeper. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4086417

Review of Edmund and the Dwarf Treasure

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with I Write

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello Wierdone,

I am reviewing your story as part of my week 11 entry to I write.

1. Title
The title definitely fits the story as this one is all about Edmund getting Dwarf Treasure.

2. Syntax
Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct with one exception. The following line: "He can could climb to the top of Mt. Snifflesnaff and bring us back some of the flame from that volcano," said Dimu. You need to remove either can, or could in the beginning of the sentence. Other than that, I found no odd or forced sentences, or phrases in the story. Diction and dialect seems consistent.

3.{/b Plot and Hook
The plot is very straight forward. Edmund is seeking out Dwarf Treasure so he can give it to the girl he thinks he is in love with. He goes on an adventure seeking that treasure. The hook, there actually may be two hooks to this one. I'm not going to tell! One hook takes place when he actually
finds three dwarfs. What's this...? He has to prove himself worthy in order to get that treasure.

Over all, this is a good story. I do believe the storyline has been played out before, but you give us a new cast of actors, and new circumstances to go with it. Good job. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4085076

Review of 3R's

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello dogpack,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was bought for you by lazymarionette at "Invalid Item"

.'

1. Title
Awww shucks, that pesky little "w" doesn't count. Lose it and we have the 3r's. I love that., "necessity is the mother of invention" after all.

2. Syntax
Spelling is correct. Grammar is correct with the exception of a couple of lines that are two wordy. Punctuation needs work in a couple of places.
1. In the first couplet1. I would suggest that you change the period after through to a comma as the thought is continued in the second line. It's refers to the three r's in the first line.
2. In the second couplet you do not need the comma in the first line. In the second line I would suggest removing both commas, and place the word and between reading and wRiting
3. In the fourth couplet you do not need the semi colon after return.
4. In the fifth couplet you do not need the comma after galore.
5. In the sixth couplet I would suggest adding a comma after read, and removing the comma in the second line. In the first line, you should omit one of the words "more." In the second line you should consider changing it to "is a treasure," and omit "always."
6. In the seventh couplet you should consider removing the semi colon. You should consider omitting "is to" and consider changing bring to brings.
7. In the eighth couplet you could omit the comma in line 1. The second line seems extremely long but I'm not sure of how to change it.
The author uses stand alone rhyming couplets in this poem. There are four couplets that do not rhyme, and there is one that is a partial rhyme. Where the couplets do rhyme, the rhymes are kept fresh.

3. Form and Mechanics
This would be considered a Free Verse poem since it has no set thyme scheme, and no set meter or syllabic count. Placement on the page seems right for this poem.

4. Poetic Expression
The author is writing for a contest in this poem in which the subject matter is the three r's of WDC. The author has related the truths about the subject matter in a way that makes the reader want to dig in and get active on the site. Good job!

5. Excerpt

"We learn when we review;
which should matter to me and to you."

Overall this is a nice, very meaningful poem, specially for the members of WDC. The problems I have mentioned are minor. Once you straighten this one out it will be a WDC poem you can be very proud of, and others can learn from in a big way. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4084847

Review of Dogpack Handle

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello dogpack,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was bought for you by lazymarionette at "Invalid Item"

.'

1. Title
the title fits the letter nicely as you explain your handle..."dogpack" to your readeers.

2. Syntax
Spelling, punctuation, and grammar seem correct. Dialect and diction seem consistent, and are correct. I found nothing that seemed forced in this letter.

3. Body of Letter
In this letter you have explained your handle, and explained how you relate it to both dog, and mankind. You have given us another wonderful lesson on the behavior of dogs, how they need the structure and leadership found in a pack, and how humans have similar needs that need to be fulfilled or their respective societies fall apart. Your goals of teaching, and helping people reach their potential here at WDC. Good job!l

Overall, you have given us a very good letter complete with educational material. I have no suggestions as to whether or not this one can be made better. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4084652

Review of Recovering: lightning strike

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello dogpack,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was bought for you by lazymarionette at "Invalid Item"

.'

1. Title
This is a very effective title for your letter. It catches the passerby's attention and says "Read me...Read me."

Letter From 2011. This letter that you wrote to your friends here on WDC in 2011 was very informative as to what was happening in your life at that time. This was a follow up to your very brief letter to your fans and friends titled "Lightning Strike" in which you let everyone know what had happened at your home, and about the changes that were taking place due to that lightning strike. In this follow up you told us what had been damaged, and how that either was, or would affect you. Even though you had been negatively impacted in such an awful way, you managed to keep things in perspective, even to the point of being able to thank God for the smallest of gifts...a cell phone. You let everyone know you were alright, and you let them know that you would soon be back at it fast and furious in no time at all. You made sure that your spelling, punctuation and grammar were all correct in this letter which is always a good thing. This shows everyone how to write a good letter even though it was typed on the site. Good job writing this. I doubt that anyone was left not knowing exactly how you were, and what was going on with you during this troublesome time. Good job.}/c}

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4084420

Review of Bella

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello dogpack,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was bought for you by lazymarionette at "Invalid Item"

.'

1. Title
The title fits the story nicely as your service dog's name is Bella.

2. Syntax
Spelling and punctuation are correct. There was a problem with grammar.
1. The sentence in the first paragraph beginning with:

"Or, like sharing a living space together."

as this is it sounds confused. I believe the word Or at the beginning of the sentence should be They...speaking of dogs.
2. The following sentence seems chopped off or abrupt somehow.

"After about 2 months of trying to find her owner they had no luck."

You may consider something like: After about 2 months of trying to find her owners, they ceased trying as they had no luck. then you could begin the next sentence with the word When.

3. Content
This is an informative piece about Bella...a service dog and her pack leader, the author of this short lesson. It also serves to remind us that animals are not to be purchased or asked for lightly. They should only be taken into a home after the person/persons learn of their needs, and are ready to be permanent owners of the animal.

Overall, this is a nice, short educational piece about a service dog and her owner/pack leader. Keep the education coming. Take care of a couple of things in this one and it's a finished piece. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do, Keep on writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4084238

Review of THE BELLA OF MY LIFE

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello dogpack,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was bought for you by lazymarionette at "Invalid Item"

.'

1. Title
Since you love Bella so much...this title fits nicely.

2. Syntax
Spelling and grammar are correct, and you have chosen not to use punctuation in this poem. I found no odd or forced phrases or sentences in the poem.

3. Form and Mechanics
This is considered as a Free Verse poem since it has no set meter. The author has chosen to write this poem in 4 line stanzas, with each stanza made up of two rhyming couplets per stanza. The rhymes are fresh, and appropriate for the context of the poem. The author actually speaks as the poem as being a ditty, and it does indeed feel like that category of poem. The placement of the poem on the page is good, but this one may look even better centered on the page.

4. Excerpt

"Friendly as can be
Loves everyone she sees
Service dog to a tee
closes the door for me"

This is the perfect way to end this tribute to your dog Bella. Good job!

Overall, this is a nice tribute/Free Verse poem for Bella. I suggest that you get the punctuation taken care of and it will be even better. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4084097

Review of Shady's badge of courage

Review by Rob G. ~Led by...

In affiliation with WDC Addicts Anonymous

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello dogpack,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This review was bought for you by lazymarionette at "Invalid Item"

.'

1. Title
The title fits this lesson on dog behavior very well as you speak of Shady's trials, and Shady's courage, and Shady's overcoming.

2. Content
I usually review spelling, punctuation, and grammar before I do anything else, but; since you said you weren't worried about those aspects of writing at the time you created this item I will not. You have given us a very good lesson on dog behavior, and dog mental well being when it comes to sensory, physical, and obedience training deprivation. Anyone who owns a dog should take time to learn these things before they get their...hopefully forever friend. Thank you for taking time to enlighten people as to a dog's needs.

This is a very informative lesson on dog behavior for your readers. As you said you would get back to the punctuation, spelling, and grammar, I think it's time to get the i's dotted, and the t's crossed. Once you take care of that this will be a lesson for people to enjoy as well as learn from.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .