I always loved watching Mr. Rogers. He was my favorite thing to watch and I cried when I found out he had died. Like you said he made his shows easy for kids to understand and yet learn at the same time. I dont think there will ever be another show, or man, as great and wonderful as he was.
first: WHOOHOO GO Pittsburgh..that's where I live as well, and yes living here makes us who we are.
I enjoyed reading this and think I may have to do one for myself as well, to see what I could come up with though I think some would be the same (Christian related ones)
For some reason, to me that feels a bit choppy and like "signified" should be somehting else...not sure though. maybe some form of punctuation i.e
Significance:
signified
I highly enjoyed reading this. I made me want to go outside and lay in the grass and look up at the clouds. I liked how you had marvel on its own, made the word really stound out. as both people who marvel and a command that people should marvel.
This was an interesting piece. I have never really seen a poem structured like this one, I like it, but at some points it got a little confusing. There were times when I wasn't sure if the one word lines were going with the pervious line or the next.
wow I really enjoyed reading this. It makes me think of the verse "walk by faith and not by sight." I think you did a good job at making your reader think.
Though I can see, there are things I believe in that can't be seen (if that makes sense). THis piece made me appreciate my faith more. Thanks
This has an unfinished feel. I don't know what it is but I have this feeling that there's more to this poem.
I would suggest adding in some sort of punctuation so that readers know when there needs to be a cuase, or they could pause. Punctuation can really add to the dramatic affect of a poem
snow that you: You can take out "that" not needed: nine times out of ten "that" isn't needed.
I was so not expecting that. I had o read the last few lines to actually realize what had happened. Great job with this. Your end was not expected and pretty much stunned me for a couple seconds. God Job!
this was a different poem. Was there a reason why the "knife" was underlined?
"Caused pain, gave hope" I found that to be an interesting way to end the first stanza, it just leaves your reader wondering what you mean and how can sword and knife give hope.
All I can say is EWWW. The idea of worms spinning and whirling in my washer and dryer is icky haha. They'd get baked onto your clothes and what not gross.
This was a fun poem to read, the couplets add the youthfulness of this.
I think you did a good job with the sonet, they are sometimes hard to write. Where there any specifics with the assignment, like did it have to be a Shakespearean sonnet or not.
Either way you did a wonderful job. I like the last lines they hold the most weight in the poem and really draws it to a close. Great work.
I think you should come back to this and expand on it. what do Jason and Suzie look like, does he see her in a way he never saw her before. describe the sunset. Add in things that would add to the setting and then take us to dinner or to another day. I think you have the potiential for a gret story here.
My heart is weeping: take out "is"...then the second line keeps with the structure of the first.
This was a powerful piece. I'm not sure if the fact that I'm listening to 80's break-up songs add to the effect or not haha. But I got the feel of a break-up that left things undone, I guess you could say.
The fourth stanza doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the poem. It has more intensity than the other four stanzas do. The image of striping one down to their marrow is some-what dark, but that may be what you are trying to do with it. On a first reading it was hard to understand, but after two or three it become clearer.
The picture before the poem ads to the effect of hope soaring through your heart. The last line, though seems to stand out, to me it didn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem for some odd reason.
this was good. I could never be able to write with internal rhyme like this.
Just one suggestion would be to add some puncuation, so that the reader would know when to pause and when not to pause. Or you could add in breaks....I would make the lines about having Jesus in your life seperate from the rest...kinda like you life is new and you're future is a new beginning. Does that make sense?
The description said that this was a short interlude, are there more lyrics to go with this?
You have a nice constant line structure with the "I've ..." and "Someone..." except in the line "Here to guide me" to keep with the structure of the rest of this how about changing it to "Someone to guide me"?
wow this is a powerful piece. THe only suggestion I have is to break this up into stanzas. like the first stanza can end with "get high" and the second can end with "and the such", third ends with "crawl into", another can end with "see them everywhere". Just an idea.
I enjoyed reading this. I'll visit your port sometime soon.
couple times so: comma after "times"
of the land Flint set up : comma after "land"
his camp set up Flint: comma after "up"
There are a couple more points that need commas, but I overlooked them to read this for content not grammer. I would suggest though not using the name all the time, there are some times where you can simply use "he" since there is only one character.
I'll go back and read the other two chapters later today or tomorrow. I liked the beginning of this and get the feel that it's geared toward children, am I right?
Personally I would have the last line on it's own. I think that would give this piece a more dramatic effect.
This piece was very open I guess you could say, what I mean is that it's open about you're love for this woman. It's a great poem. "love and passion beyond the glamour and fashion" I liked that the best.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rmuxagirl
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 11:48am on Dec 31, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
