I see that your intentions here were good. I like the whole concept of your piece. However, I feel as though it fails to deliver. Your rhyming scheme falls out of line at times. One good example of this is the relationship between lines one and two. The words 'sweet' and 'it' have different stresses when pronounced. Another fault that I've seen in this poem is the wrong usage of punctuation. Throughout the piece, one would notice the lack of punctuation marks in certain sentences. Paralleslism and other forms of proper verb usage are also a bit wobbly. Be sure to use the past tense when you are referring to the past. Overall, I think the poem is a nice idea, but it just lacks luster. For all your effort, I will give you a 3.5.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/riverarvi
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 12:10am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
