Retired. Never an obligation 3,777 times…minus two or three thousand more (when a zealous-whatever programming made me) before MY lobby saved the rest, thanks to response with consideration and generous reply to put up with me.
I get a hang up on stats and what’s right. Blame baseball historians. Apparently, I can’t hear the societal norm above the NOISE IN MY HEAD! WHAT? Oh…you were saying?
This is a very encouraging message to all writers from someone has succeeded and leads the way for the rest to follow.
You make it clear to me and others that we should not give up the dream. If that opportunity to showcase your talent exists, do not hide it.
This poem is simply stated and could be so much more with your gift of writing to illuminate these thoughts through showing the action of life's profound affect upon your endeavors.
I know there are others out there looking up to you for more words of inspiration like this!
Those kisses seem to grow with passion as I read through this one, Sherri.
The honeysuckle and bee have returned. We love the sweet nectar of love! This starts off with such a sweet expression of her adoration and especially enjoyed these lines...
". . .Blows him kisses as he sleeps,
Her presence everywhere. . ."
And the passion grows with that first seed planted. The forces of love blow stronger with hot moist kisses until the very end when those lips are burned! Ouch!!
She just can't stop kissing. Love that's irresistible and steadfast. Such optimism for a relationship and a positive poem!
HUGS once again,
Brian
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1167919 by Not Available.
Speaking in the third person Sherri, and I hear ya every step of the way!
"Sherri always searches for what is real and true…
Her fantasies, her spirit to be freed!!!"
Unleashed, untethered from the restraints that restrict the movement of her pen, and yet she has set sail on these words to send a message to us to show us the way to escape into that realm.
I just gotta be me...such a great statement...
"Every man and woman’s hidden desires lie within"
If we don't exercise the truth and do away with 'fabrication' we wither and die.
The steedless Knight who is the stud for Sherri Gibson!
Such passion and great form with rhyme scheme to add flavor to this piece. Knights can stand for so much, especially chivalry, not to mention honour and faithfulness.
This also makes a statement of truth about relationships...
"We both give and take with a mind of our own"
Love does not need to think with one mind. Two can seek pleasure of their own purposes and still find unity as separate parts to love's puzzle.
This is so sad and so horribly wrong for a child to be put through that. You capture that feeling of helplessness with a voice that can echo in a parent's mind, wondering where their child is held captive and how they are being treated.
No doubt, you have responded to more of those missing children reports. Your driving hook 'Daddy can you hear me?" is so haunting that no parent could bear to think of this happening to their own.
And yet, they must take precautions lest it could happen to them.
We need to keep it real and your poem helps deliver that message.
Your expressions of love are simple, honest and direct.
You set the poem up with this offer of your heart, strong yet fragile, if handled improperly. Hearts and keys make for strong metaphors for revealing that something hidden beneath when revealed can possess quite a great deal of power. Love being the strongest.
rhyme scheme and structure of this poem are strong, as always! the words move effortlessly as i read them aloud.
I liked the poem's ending with the repetition of hands...like a gift that you give that is so precious and putting something in one's hands is like handing over that key that symbolizes such trust.
Without the rhyme this is prose that could easily capture a reader of a romance novel. You spin a tale by that fire, set the scene so vividly, and light up our imagination of this moment to come.
I only had one thought that might make some readers puzzle, lips that mesh. It seems like melt but sounds funny because it is not an oft used expression to describe these lips meeting. Unless they have piercings that cause them to become entangled...it just sounds funny, I guess.
But aside from that, this poem is another excellent and romantic offering that I enjoyed.
The best to you always, Sherri!
HuGaHuGaHuGa Choo! Choo!
Where did that come from?
Once again tugging at the heartstrings and that feeling of emptiness a parent who goes through this must feel.
These poems have that one driving hook, and this one is "How we miss him!"
And you list all the remembrances that endear us to this person who has lost a child and really puts us in her heart wanting to reach out in comfort her.
Very strong use of images to recall the beauty and invaluable precious quality of children and how important they are to safeguard.
Such a heavenly expression of the afterglow beneath the stars and moon, very romantic.
How did you get to be so gifted with words? You do you find the time to construct all these visionary pieces that relate so well tot he human condition?
Staring into eyes like staring into the heavens. It's like you have related all that the two have gazed up in the sky and now transfer that awe of such wondrous beauty and find it on earth in one another.
Something makes me think we are not reading about pollination of a plant by a bee. Hmmm.
Very nicely done. A metaphor for someone who expresses their desire for another and the pleasure their acquaintance provides. This is like a nurturing relationship. One that both gives and takes and is beneficial to both.
It's actually kind of naughty when you read a line like this...
"Always would she spread her bud and allow him entrance"
But since we know this is purely educational, we should not fear the kids will misunderstand. Will they?
Sherri, I think all the people at WDC should be writing a debt of gratitude to you for all you have done to help others who seek out their dreams.
You have been very supportive and to read this tribute just shows how truly unselfish you are.
I forget sometimes why Writing.com has been a source of rejuvenation for me, but you are always there to remind me.
From my perspective, it is good to know that someone of your talents is able to appreciate a site such as this, and helps me know that I was steered in the right direction!
This nail does symbolize something that was once strong, significant, to be found discarded and worn by time.
So much reflection goes into the thought of that nail to bring it to life.
I did notice some grammatical issues. The tense shifts from past to present and back. Also need to remove apostrophe from, ."..it's kind in a heap..."
Don't know that the removal of this nail could topple something...unless it is a metaphor to describe something that could be more effectively portrayed.
The ending made me wonder also. It seemed surreal to get dirt an inch thick under one's nail. I don't know how big nails have to get for that to happen. That would be a third of the length of my index finger.
But other than that, liked the reverie and appreciation for something from era being lost by time.
Since i cannot show it to the one man who means most...i'll show it to those who are meaningless...i'd really appreciate it and there are giftpoints..."
This is so sad and somewhat graphically illustrates this loss/need.
I especially like the thought of that stone, although I would have it wanting to walk, since it actually would not be possible without help.
The concept of the shape, the forms taken to try to reach this love is good. That first line made me think where is the round? Maybe the text should show shape and maybe color, although gold would not be possible.
It's good to avoid poetic form, showing this person frustrated and shorting out, disconnecting and coming to life. The emotions bounce about from apathy to feelings that want to strike before finishing with a heartfelt summation.
The rip out the heart line is cliche and would avoid it. Stick with the imagery that shows these feelings effectively and concentrate on those emotions that best move the poem.
This is a very touching tribute to your mother. It really plucked at my heartstrings. I have written several devotional pieces to my late mother myself.
Just recounting those events as simple as smoothing hair, the soothing and notes are so effective at showing what she means to you.
You are on the right track to developing your talent as a writer.
I've pondered this one for awhile now and find some of the imagery very alluring and the read and form quite good.
One line I'm having trouble with is "That man has no permit to make..." Yeah, still looking but can't quite grasp it. But we have a declaration of a commitment to love and how love keeps working its magic and inevitably wins.
That's the best I could do, sorry. But again, I can see that it is crafted well and does give one pause to think about relationships.
Beautiful metaphor for something with such beauty and grace choosing to smell the flowers, while resistant to conformity.
And yet, this person would not be satisfied if all this was laid at their feet. It's aimless, searching but for what? Seems akin to another poem or two of yours I have read and seems to fit a character than has no direction, seems disinterested.
I have written a poem suggesting my life like a mindless butterfly always banging against the glass because it sees light on the other side, never choosing another course to the flame.
This is amusing in a sense, this runner who does not want to hurry to get to the end of life.
I guess it is all the hinderances this person finds to deter that make me smile just a little. Nice how you place those other runners in there, seemingly like lemmings running for the edge of that cliff.
Such a strongly worded and emotive message that effectively reaches this reader.
Those first two stanzas work beautifully to parallel one another and answer the statements with questions that read as statements is very effective.
That feeling of helplessness over world policy and war and the future of our children is partially laid in the lap of parents. And I think education is the step in the right direction.
This poem hits its mark and you did very well to relate a message of a dream for a better tomorrow.
This starts off just a little slowly for me, but builds speed and finishes well with the repeated theme, 'fibres of the page.'
As a writer, I can appreciate your passion for the craft and how this metaphor for writing comes to life. The form does not seem to restrain what you convey.
That tree imagery is rich and does sprout to life just like you say. Didn't know what you meant by 'a mage.' Hoped it wasn't a typo.
The repeated final line really brought cohesiveness to this poem.
I'm intrigued by the two concepts that drive this poem. The first is the relevance of time, and how time slows. The second is the metaphor for refining with fire and the strength built by two.
I think you have two poems in one here. I like the fire metaphor best and see that as the central focus of this piece.
I had trouble mid-line with the read in a few places where I thought punctuation would help put the proper pauses to help the read...for instance:
Through early years of life we grow;
The years stretch long, time seems to slow.
Now looking back, the time seemed short...
Add a question mark at the end of... How much easier then if there are two?
This line is awkward and long... There is something that happens these souls they grow stronger.
Need apostrophe here: The fire can't...
Do you mean a pause between A test, life is...?
I now see the reference to 'grow' at beginning and end. If you mean to compare love's cast with growing alone, the flames should arrive at the onset to help tie this together.
You list quite a few different devices to express a range of emotions with parallels and some that contrast, like the opening stanza.
The last two lines of that first stanza really stood out and gave me pause. The following stanzas did not seem to relate to what seemed to be a set of contrasting statements leading up to something.
The words are descriptive and illuminating but I was not able to focus on a specific theme to give this piece unity.
This stanza in particular did not seem to relate to anything...
"A single cloud in an empty sky,
A pained look, an unheard sigh,
A flower floating on the sea,
A rusty lock without a key."
The last two stanzas seemed to work with each other and the third seemed to parallel the first. The unicorn didn't seem to fit either.
I'm sorry if I missed the aim of this work, but I felt the read was fluid and the descriptions did open the mind's eye.
Oh, depression! What are you doing to this girl! So emotive and yet constrained by this malaise of having no direction or will to do something, anything that could give on the self-satisfaction and motivation to continue on.
Reflective, this someone obsessed with losing the present and seeing only the past and death in their wake. Oh, for the sunnier promises of life to fulfill this person and give hope for tomorrow.
This is brillliant, in more than one sense of the word. Vivid depiction of the experience of viewing a sunset and appreciate the personifying manipulation of this vision in the water. Have you given up on a title for this work? Sun's Dance, Dance Upon the Waves, Until We Dance Again, Splintered Sun Dance, The Sun's Ballroom, to rattle off a few ideas.
Nice work. Very descriptive and great use of prose.
I have a feeling you're not talking about pebbles. : )
This is a wonderful poem with a great device to parallel these feelings of segregation and of feeling captured by life and society. And only to be cast back into the sea at the end, give that feeling of feeling unwanted, cast adrift to float aimlessly through life or submerge someplace.
Could feel the constraint, the underlying anger/resentment that give a greater appreciation of this finely crafted work.
Thank you for sharing this,
Brian
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ripglaedr3/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/58
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.60 seconds at 2:27am on Jul 11, 2025 via server WEBX1.