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~Style? Read my reviews. Look at others. Responses of my reviews affirm.
~Mantra: I see the good, with an eye toward potential, but not be/play authority of someone else’s words, left to the master of the work. Reflect/react/review, a fuller perspective.
In 2024: “Your reviews are great…supportive, encouraging, and ‘in depth’, with excellent suggestions…exactly the kind of reviews I…strive to write. Alas, such reviews are the exception on here. Most are drive-by reviews…just heap praise on the item. A small number are just critical and not supportive...Yours are among the one (in) twenty…that are gems. People should be grateful for getting them.”
I'm good at...
Poetry, shorter stuff. I'm mostly blind. I react and encourage with feedback, suggest direction to something better. I break the conventional fourth wall. Not sure what it means.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, humor, emotional, drama, human interest, dystopian.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of walk  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary Tamzin Morton Author Icon,

I’m a bit late, but better late…I happened upon this brief work while searching WDC Anniversaries and a review in celebration of 22 years here? Wow. Your description just said, “this just came to me,” otherwise described as an article, with arts, inspirational and political. Indeed, a genre soup of many flavors. I see this more as a poem, treating as such.

Let’s get it out in the open for any who don’t know, this poetic technique you apply with a title driven poem is anaphora. The term anaphora refers to a poetic technique in which successive phrases or lines begin with the same words, often resembling a litany. The repetition can be as simple as a single word or as long as an entire phrase. Poets love anaphora, the repetition of a word or phrase at the start of a sentence or clause. Poets love anaphora because the device creates coherence and makes poems memorable. Poets also use anaphora because it helps drive their point home.

I certainly can see a litany within the lines that seem like a condemnation. And, if you do this, and predictively, it serves as a message spoken as a warning from an experienced, sage voice.

Walk the path you make for it will lead you to hate

The line, while grammar might be weak, sends a powerful first volley at the reader. The tone of the narrative commands a reader’s attention. Further:


Walk till you see no happiness in the world
Walk from life and it woes that bind you
Walk till your feet bleed and your legs can go no more
Walk till you are nothing
And be happy you won’t see the war


I see imagery that evokes the sensory connected to the author’s message. It’s advice at the outset that a reader connects. I myself wouldn’t know a strategy to succinctly dovetail those thoughts in a cohesive message, but it’s a valiant and spirited effort I enjoyed consuming.

Otherwise:
'till' is 'til' and 'it' is 'its'. For grammar, remove 'for' in first line and use a conjunctive or punctuation to connect the two thoughts.

Hope this helps,

Brian
WDC Disability Writers (DWG)
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2
2
Review of Money  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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.

Happy Account Anniversary Imagination Author Icon

I stumbled upon this item when trying to find something to acknowledge your anniversary earlier this month, finally able to finish.

These lyrics get right into subject with a topic about single mothers and poverty. It is direct and does not lean into symbolism, metaphors to evoke a response for a potential listener. I imagine these words could be performed as angry or gritty with a folk or blues approach. And, as I see, it is unfinished. There is something to this and can see this developed as song. I think for lyrics, those opening lines are long and can be broken wherever the natural pause is and meant to be felt. I think that this would help for the read and also for a vocalist.

What’s key about lyrics is lyricism. These words have meaning, some sway. Sometimes, just reading words like these can help provide its own rhythym and be felt connected to message. The rhyme scheme helps drive these points home. It was a pleasure to read and consider your lyrics for feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
Disability Writers Group (DWG)
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3
3
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Jay O'Toole Author Icon,

I found this poem of yours on the read and review page showing with a flair of that bard of yore with a touch of language hinting at modern day perplexities. There is a good rhyme and seemingly has consistent meter that is easy to consume for these eyes, including the first line that appears directly borrowed to set the tone.

My favorite passage:
Down here the summer days are hot.
The P.C. rules I quite forgot.
Now that the A.C. hit the spot,
let's talk about you, Miss Hot-to-Trot


It provides sensory detail from hot to cool, perhaps operating on another level, and depicts a struggle to be what another needs, willing to keep that subject on mantle. It’s been a while since considering ye olde English for poem. Somedays, as refreshing as that a/c.

A pleasure to considering your writing again. This, an older item. Until I peruse again,

Brian
WDC Anniversary
and Angel Army reviewer
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4
4
Review of Have Faith  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A review for the Haiku poem "Have Faith"

Happy Account Anniversary Drew Author Icon

Noting it is you've surpassed two years in this writing community, I humbly stop by to read and offer some response to your writing with "Have Faith".

In the darkest night,
Hope's whisper guides the lost soul,
Faith lights the unknown.


I enjoy discovering all the different approaches to haikus and this is one that works well. The ideals of 'faith' and 'hope' do go hand in hand. You've managed to personify hope as something whispering and guiding the lost. It's one's faith that can make it possible to see their way out of the darkness.

We have the old adage, "Have faith" or "have faith it will work out," which is akin to sitting on your hands like an impatient child. This knowledge driven haiku drew me in, as I want to envision outcome with how the poet has structured meaning of faith in the short oriental form, see how the words and expressions that give night, light, hope and faith the leading roles as actors and how that might function within brevity.

I don't see any flaws in particular. A haiku usually has a nature theme, but this seems akin to it, and spiritual. The final line is strong in it's declaration, giving a reader a concrete takeaway.

With notions of 'hope' and 'faith' as entities, it reminds that they come from us and our will for those seeking out destiny. Perhaps, it's natural to be an illusory bunch, getting ourselves motivated to continue on toward that goal's finish line.

I feel if one has a strong passion for something, faith is there. Hope's whisper feels like having done all you can do and it's out of your hands, so one has to wait it out to see if fate will play with destiny.

Nicely done.

Brian
WDC Account Anniversary Reviewer





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5
5
In affiliation with Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Fyn-elf Author Icon

A lovely story and nicely narrated. It plays on some things I’d wish for myself, with low vision. Her offering of money was a precious moment. Knowing the writing game, this story breaks it down in a way to encourage writers to always write and share your stories. I see the worth in his relation to her that will inspire her to one day chase those inspiring visions, after much experience with storytelling through the written word.

In a way, I had a funny reaction to how she would repay her doubt, once it was revealed what she wanted to with that vision…only write for the rest of your life! Through the story, it’s realized that the worth in paying forward a debt will inspire goodness, kindness that others could pay forward. Sad end, but realizes a life cycle of sorts, like completing a mission in life. As the girl is about to move forward.

Thanks for sharing,

Brian


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6
6
Review of Canvas  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Happy Account Anniversary Louis Williams Author Icon,

I like the image in transition that starts off with the blank canvas, but then envision sweet milk as a step in that process of creation, both visual and visceral references. It's visual and apropos in color depiction and unique, but also expressive how the artist paints with vision. Everything opens by centering on that medium of art, with the depicted potential that I emotively felt through your expressions.

The narrative is not what I'd expect, as it doesn't come across as abstract, like the employment of oblique or aligned metaphoric language to make a viewer visualize for themselves art in progress. And, the whole poem is linear with it's origins before a canvas changes to the outcome and how it makes others feel looking upon the finished painting.

While I enjoy your unique expressions, I felt there could be more brevity and showing, as this would highlight a theme of art as something visual. There is a generic or unknowable piece of art that stands as the metaphor and is more about how the artist's process progresses to finish and the outcome thereafter. I had wondered if the painting would be more personal and personified, given life by the poet, just as an artist gives color to the painting to move those who see.

What I enjoy is the honesty and the realism about delivering a painting with the world, identifying with the passage..."gaze in wonder/at the wreckage or the beauty of the image/you've left for others to ponder on." This expresses everything I felt about what I share as a poetry blogger. I unveil and expose myself, knowing my work could be accepted or rejection. But, furthermore, your worlds make me realize that I leave it warts and all. Your statement here makes me feel whether ugly or beautiful, all the same worthy of consideration. That ugly is beauty in the same breath of those words. That truly is an artist speaking.

Although I might quibble with the approach to narrative and the perception a reader might take from the poem, the power is in the narrator's understanding of art. You translate it as poetry in an experienced way that allows us to relate as artisans in our own rights. There should be a lot of amens among writer/readers who know the attempt at beauty, the hope of acceptance as ugly, and that a true reader or viewer of these things will be able to discern meaning and attempt with our shared crafts.

It was a pleasure to consider your insightful poem for feedback,

Brian
WDC Account Anniversary Reviewer




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7
7
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of that well-hung-over look

Dear Chico Mahalo Author Icon,

I enjoyed considering another one of your poems. The opening was a greet meeting with the narrator and the anecdotes he shares gave me thoughts to consider themes of identity, creativity, parental relationships, and the irony of it. The personal narrative helped me view it through an author’s eye.

Amid life choices, he reflects here on creative and personal struggle, with a sense of inadequacy. He’s secluded and grows as a young individual might, with new philosophies like Zen Buddhism, Marxism, and punk rock. There is this search for meaning and a rebellion against convention. The part about losing that baby tooth is a good use of metaphor for growing up, and also loss associated while becoming a man, and getting some distance from his previous self.

The recollections of his father’s judgments helped create tension, shows the generational conflict and the lack of understanding between them. The irony of their last conversation was directly stated, with that being on All Saints' Day. It underscored a shared suffering as 'martyrs' in each of their lives, dealing with failures and judgments in different but similar ways.

Off first read, I found areas in this poem to give further consideration. Like the last conversation with the Father: To me, “last conversation” suggests a significant, perhaps final moment of understanding between them. I assume the harsh judgment from his father was an emotional turning point. It gives me a sense that there is closure for their relationship.

The meaning of All Saints' Day & Martyrs: I did have to look this up. All Saints' Day commemorates saints and martyrs, with the themes of suffering and sacrifice. The narrator is aware of this irony, because they might not be saints in a sense, both feel wronged or persecuted. The father's judgment adds to the martyrdom.

The inability to write: The narrator admits struggling with writing, a block created with self-doubt and lack of fulfillment with his creative endeavors. This struggle to overcome feels like those moments where disconnects occur, when life has given a young person some serious things to consider, choices to make, rather than just sit around and write as life needs to be lived. The note about prose as "flaccid," gives an image of the lack of creativity, and boredom with life.

The lost tooth serves as a poignant symbol of growth, transition, and perhaps a failed past. It works well as a metaphor for loss of innocence and childlike creativity/imagination, as he becomes an adult, which is not going as expected.

As for the father’s judgment, labels for his friends are recalled, suggesting it’s not just about his friends but the influences and choices he’s making, and it’s showing that of disapproval. He seems like a paternal character stuck in his ways, is concerned, but doesn’t know how to correctly communicate it.

I can relate to the narrator experiencing life on his own, opposed to being taken care of, and now breaking away to find oneself. Parents stand guard on the edge of a young man’s world and have to let the him find his true purpose, maybe get some passion for life that is missing from writing. But, it’s extra pressure to get it right in view of the judgment restraint from father.Those life choices and creative failures are experienced a bit more emotionally, as a result.

Your poem shows what many commonly go through with family expectations or grooming for life, with a parent's emotional investment and wish that they succeed. It takes some time for young men to see how fathers actually care, despite the poor choice of words and characterization.

I found there was a blend of humor and well noted thoughts to help me agree and relate to this poem, as if I experienced it myself.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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8
8
Review of Stairway to Life  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary Greenspring Author Icon

It will be your sixth anniversary with Writing.Com this month and recently took a look at your offerings to find this point: "written after difficulty...lending to affirmation of faith." The title alone made me think of the Led Zepplin song and considered influences before reading.

"Stairway to Life" leaves this reader with a truncated message written in a limerick form. The first line has me curious as images and scene haven't yet developed but begin to connect with a rhyme scheme that works very well. "Slanted" and "Bloom" play significant roles. It's true we feel like flowers, and beautiful, but there are things out there that affect "patience" as you note in the third line. I could make an argument for slanted as something not 'crooked' but that leans into something, as with need for support or looking behind.

I find a strong narrative at play with a message from experience. This ultimately becomes a nuanced way of saying that between patience of the yet-to-be future lies regret or obsessions about the past on that journey to deliverance that gets delayed. We might find ourselves lost and in doubt in that anticipation, and get stuck, not move forward in life. It's also an assuring message that reminds we have good instincts and must not let distractions cloud perception.

From title to description line, the poem has very little to suggest beyond 'faith' which truly comes from one's heart and soul. It isn't heavy in the religious sense, thus avoiding sounding preachy and a breath of fresh air. I have found sage wisdom from people who don't apply the "Good Book" when coming up with common sense notions. This is truly words that simplistically boil down the basics as a guide for life. At the core is 'patience' and that perhaps, to endure life, you have to be strong, grow straight and depend on yourself when no other guidance is around.

It's a great poem, reads well and doesn't distract with its message with clean, useful words that deliver a paternal message. Thanks for sharing.

Brian
WDC Angel Army
and Account Anniversary Reviewer
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9
9
Review of SILENCE  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with Wheelbarrow Poetry Group (Be A...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary Naomi Author Icon,

I am perusing your portfolio to lend response to one of your many writings. I stumbled upon this and how you relate to a very old song, as far back as the mid 60s. It is a beautiful song and one of agony, with that open, "Hello darkness my old friend." I was actually repeating that opening while toiling in my backyard in these past few days. So, serendipity now to find your response to it today.

Your reaction to the Simon and Garfunkel hit sparks the positive aspect of what silence can do to keep a soul, especially for a writer, healthy, happy and properly functioning. For some, silence is golden. For others, it's sadness amidst loneliness in an indifferent world that won't communicate, isolates and divides, causing people to consider their worth, and the value of life and humanity. It's clearly existentialism.

You have a great handle on writing your own reaction with insightfulness. It reminds me of the line:

People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening

...among those ten thousand or so, likely a New York area from street to a central park. Perhaps, not liking the indifference and how one can be alone in walls of people who don't take notice.

You might not have realized there is a very popular remake of the song by the Alternative Rock group Disturbed, that I'll link below. The lyrics pop up on the screen, and you might get an extra dimension to the layered melancholy and beauty with a very touching vocal performance, adding legend of the song.

Thank you so much for your response today and giving me another chance to reconsider the old and new hit in my own bliss of silence.

Happy Anniversary!

Brian
WDC Anniversary Reviewer

Happy Listening:




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10
10
Review of Velcro  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary (Yes, again!) Sumojo Author Icon,

I've been noting some of your eight-line works through the forum we've inhabited. "Velcro" 'caught' my eye...ow! That might hurt. *Laugh* Thinking visually again. This poem does show a great way of depicting a steadfast and functional relationship with the components of Velcro. It goes beyond that, however, to strike me as sentimental and endearing in its wistful framework.

This is a clever device for an eight line poem, making it short and poignant. It's a great way to describe the function of a relationship that ascribes how Velcro's properties work in collaboration between two in love. We often feel this simplicity in attraction, as affection, with your poem's concept. It's like opposite ends of magnets or things that go together like chocolate and peanut better. This reader finds it fun to consider your poem, because I can see the integral parts that fit together in a boiled down vision, like: 'Velcro, we two cling, with your hooks and my loops of string. We touch, hold fast, never rip, last forever'. That last part sounds cryptic, as I'm noting words that resonate best in your tiny, rhyming gem.

It's in the expression that beauty is found, when I consider how you structure and intimate well with these words. I'm reminded of nature and how things tack to one another like those pesky, thorny weeds and my pants, when I trail the wilder places. I'm reminded of laws of attraction that come with various aspects and considerations. A poem like yours could further consider what causes the two agents to come together...Velcro, by design to serve a function. A weed, to annoy me, because a burr is an inevitable thing during certain walks of life. There are other ways, to conceive of what's drawn involuntarily to consider, per say a wet fall leaf, and a serendipity visited where it might stick. Visions that wake us, especially the poet inside.

It's great to have a poetry forum with prompts like the one we've both given our words. I sometimes go back and reconsider my attempts for something more my own, unrestrained by structure, to see where I can take it. I hope you explore this one further, considering its fuller potential. The only part that feels like it doesn't best serve the whole is 'asunder' and 'plunder'. But, assuming there are elements that could tear a relationship apart, a reconsideration could set up those words to function fully with new possibilities.

Always a pleasure to read and consider your words for feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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11
11
Review of The one for me  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary fote Author Icon,

In your poem, "The one for me," there's anaphora at work, driving heavily a poem with lines beginning with the question introduction, "Are you for me..." I like these considerations, but worry about it being monotonous, or even self-centered, to a reader. I think interchanging a few words in those questions helps break it up to give more of a weaving read, as with the last lines of this poem did. You can move the best of the questions words to the front and end the line, "is what I ask myself," to break it up.

While poetic and romantic in nature, I wonder if the words are intended to be heard or more of an internal monologue, as if trying to decide. It starts out that way, but the poet drifts dreamily into more poetic language than at the outset. The poetic devices come out with imagery, and make great associations from mountains to music and ocean shores, as it's all encompassing. It feels like something that considers every last detail in this litany.

However, the poem shifts gears at the end and describes for a reader that final question that feels ceremonial, like the speaker is summing up and making a vow. It's roughly landing in line two after 'heaven' and 'infinity' are misspelled, and the grammar game is a bit off before the last line. But, excitedly it ends, as it breaks from exposition to a joyful turn to audience with news of a positive return response. It's as if this poem is something recited before vows. I note the great space between the driving "Are you for me's," like putting away a note card to take the betrothed one's hand and the final words spoken.

It's not really matrimonial, but has that feel. And the question with 'for me' feels heavy and yet, like wondering if this is the right one. If it had been spoken "Are you...the hope," or "Are you...the never ending journey," I would love this so much more. Removing the personal pronoun and directly asking these questionings so poignantly with flattery and love would move many a reader. It feels rough around the edges and has so much raw power waiting to link up.

It's a pleasure to consider this poem and the questions are really well laid out and sound great, except 'violins' that scream. I'd reconsider that. Pianos crying? Maybe, but consider them elegant, with percussive sounds from hammers and wire strings that resonate from levered ivory so joyously and delicately. There are many things, from how pianos of any size, produce sound. Just the right one here could suggest a grand piano, which is a beautiful and majestic sight.

Thanks for sharing this poem, Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Account Anniversary
and Angel Army Reviewer
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Is this poem for me?
Yes shall be my answer, the one for me!


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12
12
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary tj-Merry Mischief Maker Author Icon

This item looks fairly recent and am unaware of a Grumpy or a contest by that person. Not here? Anyhow, I came upon this short poem, "She Don't Like Roses," having learned it was your WDC account anniversary.

Surprising to note the detail that goes into a rhyming, metered poem so intelligently written. It's such an easy read and irony for the main character telling the story, based on poor grammar from title to text. One could assume under-educated and not too smart, especially for getting caught. Your speaker's reactions with unknowing ignorance, reveals and somehow spills out things a reader can take away as evidence from this tiny story poem.

You hook right off the bat with the introduction and catalyst for the story, getting 'caught' with 'her sister' and what we are to infer from that. Well implied to let the reader do a little figuring out. It helps to engage the thought process and initiate an anticipation of outcome, especially since we are not sure about the players and motivations.

As a vignette, this speaks clearly about relationships and covers the topic of cheating...with the sister? I ruminate about that right after. I'm thinking when you get between two sisters, it's because one wants to steal from the other, probably in a petty war of whose more attractive or better at 'stuff'. I'm trying to read stuff between the lines as I see this: She caught me with her sister

Now, his attempt at apology delivers roses to her. His response to her reaction when he comes to the door speaks volumes, especially about his ignorance. "Now, how was I supposed to know red roses she didn't like?" It could have been any kind of flower, same result. Some readers might actually assume she doesn't like roses, rather than doesn't like getting cheated on, and with her sister. This ignorance is humorous to expect to make up because of some cut flowers. Apparently not charming enough to deliver them with the proper words. Doesn't get that the offer of flowers can't make up for what happened, clearly clueless how relationships work.

But, I gave this character some benefit of the doubt, from memories of those early days courting. We followed some protocol that seemed to be borne out of TV or movies, or some common act that supplied as logic. Maybe, because of FTD ads claiming a cure all. He obviously doesn't get it, but could get clued in. This moment is something that reminds of a woman's reaction in a black-and-whites flick. A silly romance where she'd forgive him if he revealed something like he loved her. I don't think it's his intention to be in love with two sisters, but don't discount at an early age that it isn't something a young man might consider, since not all cards are on the table and clueless how to play a hand.

I like the psychology of the character and the triad with one link that is the true catalyst...the sister. I think she'd be hurt more than angry, if it was anyone other than sis? It's a nicely framed write, easy for reader, has lots to consider as a poem. You can create characters without descriptions and give us a great first person voice that leaves us readers to fill in the missing gaps of the story.

Thanks for sharing,

Brian
WDC Account Anniversary
and Super Power Reviewer
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13
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Review of self-delusion  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Happy Account Anniversary Mindcrime Author Icon,

This poem came very well informed, annotated, if you will. I liked having the backstory to frame this poem and know the author intent before beginning to read, and to consider how this piece works to intone intended feelings. Sometimes, it's just the title that frameworks a read to tease a reader. "self-delusions strikes me as

What you having going for you in this poem are statements that readers can relate with and ponderings we've had about the great unknowns of life. I think somewhere hidden in there is the question of choosing the path...as Robert Frost suggests, the one you know, or one you don't take. And, we are left to ruminate about these things as you sum up at the end. Are we trying to make sense and be practical for our future, or do we snag on the few to one thing that keep us in a state of 'if I had another chance'.

I feel this might also be what most readers will take away. And the form of this poem breaks into different directions that go from traditional rhyming to free verse and ultimately statements that stand alone as prose. I wonder if that is the intent, to show how smooth it seems life is to move into these areas of life where we take chances try to dance with it. In the end, the poem speaks from experience, but still in wonderment. It's as if the poem just stops like a person worn down by life.

"We dance with confusion and wonder,
and in the distance, we hear the thunder."

The first two lines are knowable illustrating with thunder something that is coming, but it's far away and it is undeniable. And because of this the poem further prompts, "I look beyond reality and hide behind reason/and wait impatiently for the change of the season."

Here, it gets a bit tricky, beyond reality could be anything from the conspiratorial to dreams and delusion. In concert with the following line and considering the introduction, I'm thinking we are guilty of idling away life. Putting off until tomorrow as with everything will resolve itself, after winter and spring returns. Instead, not pursuing a passion to get out there and do something can make one feel less than whole but hollow of self-experiences. These four lines stand alone and are strong in introduction.

"Chase the sunset watching the light fade.
Seeing shadows start long, then tall,
then disappear to nothing at all."

I can feel the poem winding down, as the narrator seems to feel calmer or worn down. It's irony that we chase things we could never possibly have, at least this demonstrates the approach, as if running after it would be enough to capture the sunset. The shadows are ominous and remind me how cinematographers use them in old westerns as an imposing gunslinger. That's a rare take from my experience, but reminds how ominous and defeating life obstacles can seem, and then return to reside in our dark. And as the poem is unfolding, it feels more like permanence. And I note that the three stanza segues into dreams from the night reference, which blends well on a timeline or two, an entire life or just day to day.

"We crash into the night and we spill over dreams,
The longer we ride the clearer this seems."

Having gone from four, to three to two lines, and then the final one, I catch this as the countdown. This is a great freelance composition in that respect, disregarding form, yet rhyming. Life is both the freedom to do what we want and to want to be love, feeling life beautiful. Perhaps, we're reaching life in totality, as time running out...one might still have choices to make.

And it becomes obvious there is a life experienced now to consider. Dreams are likely nonsense that our brain rummages through the attic's collection of current memories. It's really not considered here with anything more than a slight reference to the sleep gamble of good dream or nightmare. And, it might be linked to how fulfilled one feels. Though, that one (person, experience) from the past might come back unexpectant in REM...it might give the dreamer a new experience of wisdom from something...anywhere from regret to what a wonderful time it was and sometimes still feels after just waking up and reexperiencing that sweet nostalgia, with a new twist or bit of understanding/perspective. But, it could be the type that begs reconsider, second guess fated decision(s) (like sliding doors) that sent the dreamer on a different, and likely, unplanned course.

"Are you living your life for the memories? Or you can't move on because of one?"

There is some finality and telling with the last words, isn't there? From question to statement, I feel that teeter totter drop to the ground. This ending can seem like various things. Having worked in media, commercials are tagged with something thought provoking to convince some action on the part of the listener...or, as we called it, "a call to action." But what I feel is stated here echoes the process of poem to the question, time's up...what will it be? It's a natural, succinct and well-opted summary. It adds some knowing with a mix of irony, as if many will still balk and let life move on. No one can know fully know when life ends, self-bargain over that time remaining, and how long left to decide. But, there is a point where we either give up or finally launch, 'all in'.

A very thought provoking and uniquely crafted poem, working in several poetic layers while delivering a direct message that pries the minds of many who know. And that the inception of the poem might be the writer asking oneself, are we doing this or not? It's likely, when we write something down, the action alone suffices to purge/hold off the thoughts/decisions. But, like many things that need to be routinely drained, it refills and calls again. And with each call, the look at how long we've lived, how long we think we have left, and how much gumption...or a new direction?

Lot to chew here and ponder. I enjoyed considering your poem for feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Free Association  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Happy Account Anniversary Mindcrime Author Icon,

Your poem felt a bit like a fantasy story experience with one alone and unable to know what is out there, what they might face...akin to life as I read it. And, it feels it is about one who is young but must venture alone on their journey and wonder if a savior will come. It's a bit religious themed but not described as such. You provide imagery that gave a good sense of place at the outset. This poem attempts to cover and a lot of territory, some of which I considered from experience and my mind’s eye.

“Free Association” feels deeply rooted in one's past and experience, what we've learned early on and the consequences faced. It feels like there is going to be a conflict where someone or many needed to step up and support. There are weakened souls out there, as it reads. It feels like a world in decay and a reversal is needed. It's just free associated words, but they connect to memory. It suggests what one struggles with alone, wishing for like-minded aid. That is why in the last verse "Turn away,/lift a hand. It's like a direction to that other.

You have to wonder if we try to self-motivate or if we judge the world today for the direction it's headed. Subconsciously, the speaker and poet as one, are conflicted and feel like those who say "I'm only one person. What can I do?" like self-defeat. This poem is fighting back the tides that force us apart rather than join together. Lincoln's famous 'A house divided" is recalled and it's so apparent that the division isn't a civil war, but a war from within. It starts with each individual who's chosen to check out, take the easy way out. The future will be filled with people who won't be able to survive when we should be cast in another nationwide to global catastrophe.

Level-headed, focused and ideologically sound people are rare and can be assembled, but corporations and government that shred the fabric of all and force a nation to fight among themselves, control humanity just for that bottom dollar. I get all of this from your insightful, free associated expression of words. Write on!

Also, you have a bit of anaphora going on in the hub of this creation with the repetition of "Who will." It’s powerful, turns those lines into gleaming hammers. The narrative does give a reader much to pause and ponder, especially post read. It has invoked my own feelings, as you have read.


Brian
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Review of Touched By Love  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary Ann Ticipation Author Icon,

This poem strikes with a wonderful expression of love for another and captures it with some unique imagery and also melancholy in the process. I was struck by these lines...

As if through rose-tinted glasses I see,
The sunshine behind drops of rain,
The greyest of skies still look blue to me...


Your offering here reads like a poem within a poem. You capture an image of radiance, colored and hiding behind tears, described as drops of rain. But even water is nourishing and it reminds me that rainbows can appears, serendipity, and other great symbols. It may be something picked up by a few readers.

It's also likely the speaker's delusion, but feels more like a coping mechanism for life. But more than that, a life lived and feeling blessed with love and nature intertwined as a theme, like a garden in Eden, utopian, where one can feel at peace, at ease. This gives a reader a sense of calm with appeal and something I'm sure many to all aspire to have.

Obviously dedicated to love, this poem has power to generate appreciation of hte written word that can be shared with another. As with the last line, I find you bring to light that even in our darkest moments, we take a fuller account of life, on the whole, and its scale tipping back to the balance. With that stable romance, life is wonderful, no matter, still beautiful. This was the highlight of the poem for me.

It's been a lot of years and a long time since the early days. Such a pleasure to again read and acknowledge your WDC Account Anniversary, now at twenty years.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Overcoming Fear  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon,

I like these short Japanese forms because a poet is forced to squeeze every ounce of energy into expression with words placed just so across that 17 syllable spectrum.

What's nice about a static like "Overcoming Fear" is the ability to add a description line to give contest, add extra meaning. Usually, these short forms that include Haiku, value the power of the title to framework a poetic offering. Your title gives a reader a hint how to discover that first line, "test by test.." Knowing genre as 'religious' also intones the poetic product.

There is only one thing for a writer to grapple that's not considered in this offering, oneself, and placement in the religious realm. Perhaps, like many religions and practices, to remove oneself can be part of the process to enlightenment. It's true, this poem conveys a feeling of being devout and doing what's right, and reward. I find the next level, in anything written, is to remove the personal pronoun as much as possible.

It can be a forced practice for some writers who have something to say from their perspective. It's more enticing to a reader if space is left for them to put themselves in story, their feelings into context with a poem. A beautiful poem allows reader access through poetic devices, freedom without judgment, to experience a writing like yours on their own.

Plus, removing unnecessary personal pronoun references allows space to squeeze more out of the few syllables given, including help with theme, cadence of read, a more powerful takeaway. Let's put it this way, it's assumed the narrative voice is the personal pronoun. It feels like experience when you can suggest or show something to give an account.

However, this poem is directly linked back to the writer. It is good to place a personal pronoun where it pronounces the most. The second line alone refers to the self twice. More room to boost the spiritual feeling for a reader. We do write for us, but without readers, are we just writing to share with ourselves?

This and much more I pose because your poem makes me consider the practices of writing and what we get out of it. I find your honesty shines through, as does the devoutly divine spirit that assembles this message for others to consider. I wonder if an Asian-theme form is the best way to express a religious write? It's great for experimentation. I don't know of a religious poetic form, do you? *Think*

Okay, back to personal pronoun. What I see as possible routes to take, if you'll pardon:

Test by test I grow (1st and 2nd line could link with removed 'I', extend to growing)
I place all my trust in God
I learn how to fly (could 'faith sprout wings to fly'?) shows

The second line is key to the poem. It's the transformative process through trust which on the third line adapts to faith and what you earn for oneself...wings to fly/learning to fly.

You can hit hard, beginning, "Trusting God I..." and you have three syllables as core of the statement left that lead into that third line reveal. It's as easy as ending "...have transformed." It is a spiritual showing that you are aiming for. It could read (and pardon again, just suggestion, perhaps helps envision):

Test by test growing
Trust in God transformed me
Faith sprouts wings to fly


The last line tells plus shows a reader, and is a great message that you've developed that I could see in your poem.

Now my intervention as reader/reviewer doesn't intend to get in the way of your expression, especially that summation. I've just dressed it up. You offer simply "I learn how to fly," which in itself is sweet. Happy to have envisioned further your work. Thank you for sharing. Oh, and I snagged this off the "read and review" link here. Your reviews of me reminded me of that note.


Brian
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear yojina Author Icon,

This poem, "Imperfections Perfection" sums up everything I've ever believed about perceptions of perfect, where it lies/hides in flaws that make something unique (a singer's raspy voice). While unique makes me think of rarified, collectible, out of reach (like a unicorn), as was the dream of finding our way back to Utopia or the Fountain of Youth. You've described it as the little things that are tied to a cozy existence and memories we cherish from life experiences that can offer those 'badges of honor'.

I find the use of listing items that could seem mundane to anyone else as revealing how each holds special value unto the holder, evidence of what we value as priceless, and can be touchstones for memory. I too have shirts I won't get rid of, or wear anymore. There are things from childhood to photos and much more, because I can be a pack rat.

As for a crooked smile, usually from one we adore. I've described my mom's happiness exhibited in an upside down frown. There is a special fondness and exuberance revealed in your writing style, and with the narrative approach, as dreamy with a pleasant quality. There was a conversational style. You definitely went free verse on this with those long lines and then shorter when listing. I feel it's flow did not obstruct the read.

Everyone should know we're not perfect and that nothing can be perfect overall, unless when thinking of a pop star, celebrity, song. I think perfect moments happen. But, if you can imagine something better, they're just ideal. And if you listen to people respond with 'perfect' after answering a question, I'm give to wonder why the catchy switch from 'great', 'awesome', 'good' as ideally fine pronouncements. Could the unspoken part of your poem allow a reader to consider why dreams of fairytale lives, rather than aiming a little lower with hope as an open door to possibility. I think a lot of people fail to perform the simplest of tasks and meet deadlines, because of perfectionism.

Yup, gives me a lot to chew on with this poem. Thank you for sharing and the inspiration this offers a reader, yojina. Love the name. Hard J, soft J, silent consonants, Swedish? I have a niece, Yessica/Jessica.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Garage Sale  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Happy Account Anniversary Bluesman Author Icon,

I enjoyed both halves of this which starts as a short story, with the latter filling in some of the blanks. Maybe, others have said this in review, but the information below is far more intriguing and would be peaked by this garage sale. If a real account, embellish to make the story even more profound. Though, this might not be the author's intent anymore.

When I noted a few grammatical errors, I looked up to see this story has not been updated in nearly 16 years. I can cut and clip the passages that could use punctuation help for more clarity.

As for the story, everything paces nicely even to the point noted about breath mints. I see good detail that readers can respond to, because of its apparent authenticity. It puts me in the story, but as short fiction, it does end abruptly because the best parts of story weren't included. In fact, I'd like to see Preston the storyteller regale Blakely with details of the garage visit and how the transaction transpired without just a cryptic note. After whatever prompt or activity that produced this, you could take it to 2,000 or more words. Your understanding of the repair process and how to play, and how worth is actually discovered, but could it have been that instantaneous? He'd source it first to find out anything that might prove that value.

While reading the story, it hit me before final reveal this instrument could lose value if an attempt to repair. If something they plan fix up, what risk the value of the instrument? And if that had been the intent going forward, I can imagine scenarios of the tedious, dangerous process with setbacks that finally ends when it produces divinely as intended by the violin maker.


As to your afterward:

What could have given context immediately, your admission: “This is why I used all the slang in this flash story. This was about a Texas circuit contest fiddler named Preston.” It could almost be a second person story, if one were of the mind to describe Preston and all that transpires before the worth reveal, and what follows. Preston, “who was hitting garage sales for a new sound and happened upon this "gourd" that he wanted Blakely to fix up.”

I like that it's not first person and we can see the transaction between repairman and Preston. Doesn't he have an inkling of the value? I'm guessing that many who come in want it appraised somehow. However, for purpose of story, you need that element of surprise. If you had done a first person narrative, the repairman could explain your process to the reader just like your addendum, while still pointing to a story going on. These notes could intersperse with the scene playing out. What's more obvious is how old can 'fiddles' be, not to know one right off that is 200 years old? Or, is it because who it's made by, and ultimately, its shape and the difficulty to repair.

My grandfather's first gun had been handed down to my brother and discovered it was worth 6k as is, and would lose value repaired. After reading this story, it reminded me of that. Perhaps, instruments are different, value better if it can be put in condition.

I think your story, ultimately, could go in two directions, ending abruptly with Blakely (lets say he's broke or can't finance something) gets this unexpected news. Or, the painstakingly, tedious process of carefully handling that instrument until it can play just as beautifully again. Keep a reader on the edge of their seat. I prefer the second scenario because it can add tension and drama, with perhaps conflict.

I also wonder if Blakely is skilled enough to handle the fiddle. Wouldn't it be nice if the shop owner is the only known that can properly perform on the instrument. In a way, creates a union of the two characters. And the repairman becomes the master who teaches Blakely with this instrument, perhaps the type of music it was intended for? I hear fiddler and I'll can think is "Devil Went Down To Georgia" rather than classical.

So, all the thoughts, plus more than you needed from me on a 15 year old story. I'm just in awe of its potential with you experience handling these instruments, to flesh out a very compelling story. Could be all kinds of plot twists, like the woman who sold it feeling cheated. If word gets around, assuming a smaller area, it would add further conflict. Here I go developing again. Okay, great visiting this. I would love to write a story like this and putting in a bunch of plot points. I lack expertise in most areas that could intrigue a reader with specifics like the repairman in your story.

Sincerely,

Brian
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19
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Review of walk  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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Happy Account Anniversary Tamzin Morton Author Icon,

I happened upon this brief work while searching WDC Anniversaries to lend a review in celebration of 22 years here? Wow. Your description only states, “this just came to me,” as an item-described article, with Arts, Inspirational and Political as genres. Indeed, a genre soup of many flavors. I see this more as Inspirational, Emotional and something like Psychological. I will treat this as a poem in my response.

First things first, for any who don’t know, this poetic technique you apply is anaphora, with a title driven poem. The term anaphora refers to the technique in which successive phrases or lines begin with the same word or words, often resembling a litany. The repetition can be simple as your word 'walk'. Many poets employ anaphora like you, at the start of a sentence. The device makes for memorable poems, and auditorily pleasing. In just one driving word, it's like coming back to the beginning of a point, as if listing. It can drive home a point with that single thought that emphasizes words to make the receiver pay attention. It really does well to drive your points home.

I certainly can see a litany within the lines here that seem like condemnation. And, if you do this, being predictive, it speaks to me like a warning from an experienced, with a sage voice.

From the outset, "Walk the path you make for it will lead you to hate" is a strong statement. Now, I had to read it two different ways. It's not suggesting, walk this walk, but foretelling for this someone who does or will hate in some approach to life. The reader should become aware that is directed to a specific person, as we sideline sit and watch the narrative play out.

Upcoming, experience in the following, "Walk till you see no happiness in the world/Walk from life and it woes that bind you." Feels like the speaker is a bit empathetic, this 'walk' which I translate to 'path in life', knowing unhappiness and woe await. I feel at this point it could be directed toward a growing teen or young adult, with how most behave in these years: obstinate, rebellious.

The remaining lines contribute, but also cause wonder to confusion.

"Walk till your feet bleed and your legs can go no more
Walk till you are nothing
And be happy you won’t see the war"

This feels predictive at this point, with the course they take and likely won't give up, a slow march to 'nothing'. Therein, I guess it's personal, these messages, but a reader could divine from their own experiences, loosely. I found myself especially wondering how 'war' factors and the type that can be assumed (Political genre), or a war of something for this person with nothing from a path of life. Not sure. Could use some clarification.

Found a few mishaps with spelling: missing an 's' in "it(s) woes..." Both references to 'till' are 'til' which is a contraction from until, could even be 'til, but notice most poets stopped applying the apostrophe.

I get a great sense of voice and raw emotion undefined. It has some imagery, but doesn't illuminate so much through showing, but these directed phrases. It's raw and could use refining to fully connect a reader.

It was a pleasure to consider your writing for your 22nd year on WDC.

Brian
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20
20
Review of 24 Syllable Poems  Open in new Window.
for entry "ChrysalisOpen in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Dear Christopher Roy Denton Author Icon,

I caught a look at your poetry in your portfolio a month or so back and stored this in my review tool and came upon it again today. It seems to be double titled, and something I've been known to do. Your offering of 24 syllables here focuses on that main title, "Chrysalis" and wondered if "Faith" should have been worked in. Because faith can be a loaded word with everything from 'have patience' to a belief in religion and what it offers.

You've offered a reader words expressing a process of human life that would compare metaphorically to that of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. The correlation of this to leaving earth and become one in the afterlife is something I've witnessed before. Here, what you offered, is a quick take and direct approach to the reader with this metaphor. The notion that life is short feels suggested and relative in terms to how it is lived and/or looked upon with a "sojourn" through life. Perhaps, narrative is the sage advising one to look upon life as a journey to prepare for the afterlife. This notion that regardless of how one chooses to live life (perhaps with faith to trust), ones experiences become part of that transformation to something infinitely lasting.

This is boiled to single note, as short and to the point with little that echoes anything more. Just about tying this offered image as a spiritual experience. It does not describe outcome as either good or bad, to be feared or to look forward toward. But, by omission, it can be assumed by the reader this is like a promise, one similar to that of joining with Heaven (where you must be a believer and choose God), as many have practiced and understand. I consider this poem to go beyond religion and suggest this to be the actual process of life, and not because of service to a higher power, or having been well lived. It's something that is as natural as being a caterpillar in life and becoming that beautiful fluttering creature forever after.

It's a poem that delivers a calm and direct approach that feels sage, perhaps as a promise of a message directed toward the reader. I think it is a concept that could be furthered beyond this brief space of 24 syllables. Maybe, approach it with several 24 syllable efforts, build and connect this concept process with metaphors, images and give even more sensory feel, show a reader this transformation from origin to ultimate outcome. I would be intrigued by a series of brief poems strung together like verses to illuminate the poet's vision. I enjoyed considering this short work for feedback

Sincerely,

Brian
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Chrysalis


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Review of Overwhelmed  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary Mindcrime Author Icon,

Empty, dreaming, nostalgic poem that you describe as a free associated work, in which I find honesty, the writer coming out of hiding, and sharing thoughts unanswerable but begging for meaning. When denied truth, when one has fully divulged all that is complicated and perplexing about the meaning of life, you show how it's possible to become obsessed and stuck in this place.

This narrative approaches the questions and directs thoughts toward a specific person, someone they long to hold. The list of questions alone could make one feel overwhelmed. The part about the preacher, I could assign figuratively as one giving up on being an authority on something related to life and gives up trying to figure it out. The old man with the wand of magic could suggest there are no easy answers and all the wisdom won't help.

The last verse personifies dreams knocking at the door and walking away in despair, sounding like opportunity 'that knocks' and dreams ending in disappointment. It's a very raw poem that has some elements at work, like the compelling speaker who has my head spinning a bit. I sense frustration that leads to despair and eventual hopelessness, yet still asking if there's a chance for the two of them. The part about laying on the floor at looking at a windowless reality feels like jail, separated from all life, hence the plea to be together.

As a free associative train of notions, I'd think this could be developed further to tie together all the images, making them work with one another to express more fully the poet's vision, should it take root. The questions either are rhetorical and need no answer, or lend a purpose to your poem's theme. Of course, it's a good exercise just to get those words out there. In time, you might look back and see some of the value I've noted.

Thanks for sharing you words,

Brian
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22
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Review of Healing dream  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary fote Author Icon,

I've been reading you in response to the note you have an WDC Account Anniversary here this month, you're sixth year. This poem "Healing dream" has a similar poetic format at work to a previous poem of yours I considered. And what I like about this piece that's even better is that it feels like walking into the middle of some conversation, but more like a monologue. To use the conjunctive "And" to start this piece feels like a reader needs to sit down, join in quick, listen and catch up. It brings immediacy to this piece and gets the ball rolling, even if this poem is just response to a nocturnal dream.

The first line is also the type of coping mechanism that can work for the lonely. I felt a bit of positivity from that line, even though this can seem sad, it is driven by a dream that supposedly is healing. I've woken from dreams like this and can witness to the positive emotional energy that will come from one.

Ultimately, you've chosen a 'listing' poem of sorts from 'soul' to 'happy home' to 'my unborn' 'imagination is gone'. Some of this are expectations and results. This ultimately coincides with realization, using birds as a strong metaphor to describe this knowing of the love missed who won't return.

I've heard the expression 'amputated heart' and think it might be a song. To imagine a soul amputated in the way its offered would take some effort, and perhaps some metaphor building, for a reader to envision. This poem expresses quite well and knowingly for a reader. And then there is the choice of ellipses at the end of sentences that is another sort of caesura applied to give long, dramatic pauses. I imagine the speaker expelling breath after each thought, with a pause to consider, before uttering the next line. It's effective in showing emotion, growing realization, and an effective choice to put the reader in the room with this bedraggled voice.

When I started out, I sensed the description line was going for an expression about your 'other half'. But with it not working out (ironically), breaking into more pieces, from that half self. That's fractal, division, some words that relate. There could be a poem about that. I did not find direct reference but the suggestion that this is the one the reader is to ponder about.

I find the expressive approach to subjects described in this poem to be raw and powerful, and could use more attention to what connects a few of these dream ideals with additional poetic devices. Perhaps, it can connect further with what's offered in the poem's opening introduction. It's likely possible to develop a cohesiveness that can help give more power to your summation. It's when we get there that we want a takeaway that one will continue to think about long after reading. That's one way you can know a poem is good enough for a reader's consideration.

The fact that I happened upon your account was because I saw another member from my group offered feedback in the review pages for something else you created. A pleasure to consume and lend response during your WDC Account Anniversary here this month.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of The Meadow  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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I understand this poem as a noted "free association" attempt and find images linked to questions with suggestions of a romance that either failed or never was because of lies.

The line about truth I relate to because it is one of the most elusive concepts and often linked to promise. This narrative seems scattered and close approaching the proximity of the subject it wishes to come in contact with. In the end, a flailing soliloquy to the wind. I feel even with many errant arrows, one is bound to strike. This is true of your poem. It resonates with me on several levels and loses me where it's obtuse or gets too deep and off track of subject. A central subject, theme, motif or metaphor can blend these thoughts.

I think it's great to experiment with free association, because it's like digging for gold. Eventually, you'll find some gems. I felt the following passage was centrally operative:

"And how come at night,
It seems only right,
when your lover lies to you,
and holds you tight."

This is where free association gets you, to an illuminating moment. The speaker questions the former lover or one that could have been intended why you won't be with me and lay with someone you know is lying to you. It basically asks, why are people so screwed up that they don't choose right. It's apparent the speaker feels an authority on this subject, and plaintiff, who asks these questions in more of a convicting manner. But, since it feels like self-monologue, it's the things we think but won't say that help us get at that missing truth. It's the poem we attempt to write to get our feelings down, in hopes something persuasive will present as argument. This is not the lover's approach, however.

This poem comes around the long way toward exposition in an attempt to find meaning. And if there would have been editing or further thought on this, you could hang that central narrative to the wall and draw all the associations to it, using images that depict, scenes that arrive, information about the players in this poem. I feel a lot of lumber is ready and piled on the ground, foundation layed. Just needs construction to put it all together.

It was a pleasure to consider this poem in acknowledgment of you anniversary here at Writing.Com this month.

Brian
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Review of Haiku autumn  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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I'm back. I had so much fun reviewing you today, decided to travel further into your portfolio to see what else and found the folder with Haikus. I find Autumn is a good season for this poetry form.

Looking at the short structured piece, I found use of the sensory to give a reader of sense and reminder of the season. The colors, naturally noted, are connected to sound. "Swooshes" right off makes me think of nylon material of a jacket, maybe pants, that serves as a protective layer as it gets colder or rougher on that trail. I feel motion at this point before "crackles and crunches" which play off each other a bit. There is the alliteration with hard C sounds that lend to the sensory depiction. What I get with 'crackles' are dry leaves. So, not wet but arid and between the time they fell and before they're compost. Meanwhile, crunches reminds me of something heavier being walked upon.

Tying in the ending line about hiking, I'm noting that crackles are leaves that could kick up and crunches are all that lays on the ground with leaves, like dead branches. These are auditory sound so common and known so well as one with fond memories of time in our woods.

So, leading into your summation, I find a spirited joy of hiking, having those beautiful send offs underfoot. I think at this point I get a nostalgic feeling, not only for myself, but from the narrative. You've depicted a colorful scene, calming and with life, even in autumn death. Hiking seems like something that is either routine or traditional, but the experience heightened during that time. Noting that final line takeaway, you really sell the experience to a reader and share how wonderful this must feel. I apply a lot my own memories in the mix, as I considered these words.

Another joy to read and consider. I might look at a few more.

Brian

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Review of Commas  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Clever poem. "Commas" finds a way to jest with great humor with using a poet's confusion understanding punctuation, as with commas. I've often wondered myself if we could have an MLA poet handbook with an entire chapter devoted to caesura and when and where to apply, so that way we can understand a poet's intent and how it should sound read aloud. A lot of people perceive my poems differently than I intend just because of where a sentence breaks.

You immediately and directly reference Kilmer's "Trees," by intoning the poet, while I'm realizing this would be a humorous piece. I could look at description lines and genres before I read, but always seem to forget. Nice use of contrast between the natural beauty and the way Kilmer writes and the one who opines their poetry remains obscure, this frustrating experience poets know all too well....especially when grappling with grammar on those lines to get it just right.

Love the exaggerated depiction using befuddlement with commas. Kilmer's poem feels melodic and calming in its appreciation of nature. Meanwhile, your poem makes commas seem like an existential struggle. Being "befuddled" by commas does sound absurd, but not to the poets and readers of such writes. I puzzle too where and how to place anything from a comma to line break or separate by dashes. Punctuation should seem straightforward, yet we poets flash our credentials to give license to free style. I like that serious poetic themes become a lighthearted, humorous response poem of sorts.

I focused on that third couplet, after not putting the right stress on the second line, until another read through. Then, I was intrigued. Personifying "lines" and "clauses," added an amusing twist, as I caught my brain considering gastronomy. Like how we might consume and savor a meal, I lingered over each grammatical element here, considering and examining its meaning. This play on words gave me a sense of your commentary on how hard it is parsing sentences, which helped intone well your depicted struggle.

I noted right away how well you mirror the structure of Kilmer’s poem, with that familiar rhythm that sounds nice and reads smooth here, too. Don't normally see a response to a famous poem that is this good, with a tongue-in-cheek commentary like that. I like that it gives a feel of the seemingly trivial frustrations of punctuation which helps further as absurdly funny.

But to what do we owe the comma? I think of a Shakespeare character now pondering upon it; perhaps, clutching a quill like a skull. "Alas, poor comma, for I did not know it well." *Laugh* Yeah, I have to say I'm a fan of this poem. Nice!

Happy Account Anniversary, Today!

Brian
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Account Anniversary Reviewer
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Sorry, I struggled with my sentences; too much commotion going on around me and other limiting factors. *Cool*


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