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3,036 Public Reviews Given
3,716 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Quill 2024 Nominee.
3,706 reviews? Feels like a million words since. Word-ometer needle broke. I get stuck, limited eyesight reminds. I did it for others, to improve my critical analysis of our art, but get to know each and their approaches to our shared love, *Heart* ~~ *Quill*}
Style? Read my reviews. Look at other’s output. Responses of my reviews have affirmed.
~Mantra: I see the good, with an eye toward potential, but not be/play authority of someone else’s words, left to the master of the work. Reflect/react/review, a fuller perspective.
In 2024: “Your reviews are great…supportive, encouraging, and ‘in depth’, with excellent suggestions…exactly the kind of reviews I…strive to write. Alas, such reviews are the exception on here. Most are drive-by reviews…just heap praise on the item. A small number are just critical and not supportive...Yours are among the one (in) twenty…that are gems. People should be grateful for getting them.”
I'm good at...
Poetry, shorter stuff. I'm mostly blind. I react and encourage with feedback, suggest direction to something better. I break the conventional fourth wall. Not sure what it means.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, humor, emotional, drama, human interest, dystopian.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
Public Reviews
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1
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Review by Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Tim Chiu Author Icon,

Caught this item on read and review. Reading through my third time looking for concrete clues like imagery, metaphor, expression as a love poem. I believe this is above my head, but I’m certain words like actors are not the movie kind.

If I’m looking at this other ways, it’s about honesty over charades to court or win love, It doesn’t deal in specifics< but moreover, society. The direct approach has been abandoned to be actors, maybe more than we can deliver.

Whether it speaks to symptoms of society,or realizations from witnessing modern day romance played out on filmm, we as a people are more hollow than ever. Maybe, about being dishonest, delusional unto ourselves, we don’t witness how it can harm others in waiting.

I yield to you, the knowing creator in this traditional rhyming piece. The meter was a little tense or off on one line. Which is it? I believe “A sorrowful asking…” was what tripped me up. It could simply use a smoother expression, which might be irony, if i’’m considering your poem correctly.

In any regard, it does prompt one to consider many things that can lead into areas questioning how real or honest we are. If we are not, by design or ignorance? I don’t like to point fingers, or be passive aggressive in regards where I have no other choice to point these matters out. Society learns it can gag you without ever talking directly to you, but around you. That’s no way to foster a romance. But, I’m getting away from your points and considering the results of my multiple but uneducated interpretations.

Nice to meet with your assemblage of words again,

Brian
disability Writer’s Group Reviewer

~~Image ID# 2337000's Content Rating Exceeds Item Content Rating~~



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2
2
Review by Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review. One whole year since you joined us.


Happy Account Anniversary elisabeth Author Icon

It’s a well structured and thought out poem, "I want to be loved by an artist" Open in new Window.. Noting you're in high school, your poem reveals more depth that comes from the seasons of experienced life.

The set up was a good mechanism to convince a reader through examples of the narrator’s opinion of what an artist is not (if speaking only of the passion for one’s own craft). It’s to the point of a commanding, assured presence in set up that gives a reader reason to believe and side with you. The repetition of the phrase also helps drive the vehicle.

Perhaps, before transitioning to the next part, I might help with the awkward line before the turn, when I believe you mean ‘like all aging souls do’. If implying the singular, ‘every aging soul does’.

The first verse expressing beautifully how artist’s capture something, witnessing imperfection as beauty is found to feel fresh, visual and compelling.

As for shadows, I’d prefer ‘curl and hug a figure’, partly to show proper progression. You might be able to get directly into this expression by leaving out a bit of passive language. For instance, ‘fall in love with shapes when shadows curl and hug a figure’. That might be too tight an edit, if preserving a narrative voice.

You could use different line breaks to keep the good flow of your message. This is the romantic part of the message. It could be whispered to a lover, spoken with passion at a reading. Reading what I write aloud informs me where line breaks occur naturally, either for suspense, focus on a line fragment, or to catch one’s breath.

There is great quality to this write. It’s rare and refreshing and it gives me pause to consider, as an artist, how I approach my craft, from many angles. I’m impatient, hyper-focused and highly functioning. I feel I’ve lived a thousand heartbreaks and want to appeal to each and all when I write, so they can see the part of me unwitnessed, the way I want to be realized. I’d create monoliths in words if it could restore what ails, what informs passion to try and try again until I get it right. I’ll never be satisfied, regardless. Voices like mine fade, new ones taking their place.

Whether simplistic or complex, never settling and continuing to follow where words inform, never give up. Stain the world with the ink of your mind. Reviewing is how I come up with expressions like that.

Your writing is mature beyond its years and encouraging. Read poetry, great poetry. But, go easy on Plath, lean into Emily, Walt, and maybe some modern poets apolitical. Stay rooted in earth, what inspiring beauty from Spring to Fall to promise of renewal. It will be very hard to avoid shortcomings of a nation and world where capitalism dominates consumerism, heading toward police state, totalitarianism, as Orwell’s conceived concerns with 1984 and Animal Farm have embedded in the social fabric of the world.

A bit much, but since I’m dropping off feedback, my insights. I’m not an authority, just passionate about safeguarding the world with whatever wonderful words can inspire unity over callous divisiveness to pit us against one another. I don’t want to be a slave in a world with watered down language and expression.

Keep writing. Best to you,

Brian
A disability Writer/Reviewer

I’m legally blind. I apologize for errors causing confusion.

Slightly used armor, barely any blood.


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3
3
Review by Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Amethyst Angel 🍀 Author Icon,

Brilliant! At some point I thought, “nailed it.” All very real with the surreal included, making the wife the central protagonist. There is plenty of tension and intrigue to a reader, pushing further through text with anticipation. I see the prompt posted beneath the story. Seeing it sooner wouldve helped me more quickly acclimate to the scene.

Plentiful in depiction, i was grasping at notions of where this was headed, feeling a strategic moment would present to send the story into motion. If it had been preceded by an act of introduction to Josh, to get a sense of him, it might double down on innocence portrayal, and to conveniently plant a foreboding detail a reader might recall to give more dimension to his character. Cut and dried, left to assume he’s a bad guy. People are way more complicated (as i see myself), as stories wrestle with humanism amid morality, where it gets hazy. Story that grows a character lends reality and ultimate satisfaction. Not much time for that in 2k or less (making me wonder how long was The Outcasts Of Poker Flat by Bret Harte…checked 1,256 words!). Now I'm reminded of A Good Man Is Hard To Find, Flannery O’Connor (maybe, rest of my review will unveil.

So, as long as this reads, and as well as you have frameworked and neatly fit in a believable and riveting story, no need for revision at this point. Considering it’s written for the Short Shots prompt, a contest that essentially culls brief vignettes like this. But, so seldom are any prompt fiction items written this well. Congratulations.

Now, this story would be great at novella length. I had moments of visualization that really sold the story. If you should further, a few things I caught might lend to whatever future endeavors with this, or to tweak copy for the present. I can’t separate these offerings by now or future, intermingled in my ADHD-harnessed head. Offering overall notes for current and future prospects:

1. Josh needs more development. Preserve the first person omniscient with her. Seems her naivete extends to how she flips from love of her spouse to how quickly sold he’s a bad guy. I know from her abrupt wake up and anger about being stranded without a clue was very distressing for her. Works well. Positively perfect start. If we get some back story like length of marriage, a little background on her, what makes her distinctive, it helps me further conceive and connect how the couple arrived in this situation.

2. As to Josh: how a bank president gets caught up in this. Many other stories reveal things like he did someone a favor and it escalates. I’d like to see his character fleshed out as either good, bad or gray, so a reader can also ponder or pronounce their final judgment for his motivations. (Too long for this piece) I believe ‘flippant’ described his attitude. That he drugged his wife and left her alone on a mysterious private island really sells betrayal. I can digest that

3. I like how hard she had to fight herself from exploding, blowing their plans to trap him. Perhaps, if she was a safe distance away, but could still hear, a great way to convey to her well-crafted reactions, though seems too careless to trust she wouldn’t overreact to the betrayal.

4. The chain of events here. While I don't buy he’d leave her this exposed, without something that compelled him to desert her. She, a pampered wife (assumed), is more likely catered to, with offered excuse he’d be away (business). I buy the drugging, if no other means to keep her deluded. But, he took too long, not enough precautions. He's either blackmailed into doing this, faking his phone presence, or he’s really greedy and has an addiction of sorts from suspicions at the bank, gambling debt or drug addiction…my favorite. They seem young, she is attracted to his charisma, great job, lifestyle, and parties.

5. Plot twists. I imagined about six directions the story could take before they revealed themselves to her. Made me take tangents on where the story could lead. I had not noted the length of this story before I started, so it could have curtailed my imaginative processes.

Kidnapping. Who’s the target?
They get separated by unforeseen circumstances and she’s a humorless Goldie Hawn type to one that is surprising the reader each step of the way toward unwitting action hero. Great empowerment vehicle for women who trust or depend on men too much, rely on self, to reveal their intelligence/problem solving, savvy and internal fortitude to adapt on the fly without resources, even MacGyver a way out of situations to thwart those with the most guile. I can think of lots of female leads who fit that archetype.

She is the villain, fooling us. She’s in on it with her hubby. It might either require her being an anti-hero. She discovers what he’s up to, goes along with plans to keep his ass out of trouble. This can meet with many more conflicts, as she, the anti-hero, leaves behind necessary casualties to protect an idiot she loves, furthering a female lead who is closer to cleaner/assassin to secret agent or ex-cop trapped on an island with geography she carefully studies with plans to equip herself.

If he violates her with drugs, it will be an unexpected detail that forces her to play innocent until she locks up the husband and wife before transaction to get after what happens next, knowing he put himself in crosshairs, possibly learns that he’s outlived his usefulness, or plans to make this the last transaction, or learn of the setup and a plan to kill all by the real bad guys. Dark.

(you can ignore this, still spinning thoughts i had) Not your story intent, but my first of several wonderings, being remote location. Dumbed down, he’s captured because culprits steal American’s organs, leaving them to die, having to save themselves (there goes that Stabbing Westward song again in my mind). Been done, seen it, and a great cautionary tale. If it's freshly updated with awareness, if it’s gotten worse, mutated by MO. A running out of time ordeal, if there's time to save him, put herself in jeopardy with time running out, until too late, and now it's survival for herself. I have been in remote locations in Mexico, seen lifestyles there, near resort communities. It's beneath poverty to the level they are a community looking out for one another and rich Americans are easy targets. I thwarted a pickpocket attempt, saw how all deny seeing the event unfold.

I wondered about surrealism. How much of a drug stupor? Is she an unwitting Alice who actually does begin to imagine her surroundings. Striking a tender balance with her unwitting stupor slowly evolving, her realization what’s happening with the original, intended story of a drug transaction gone wrong. Two ways to split off that, he’s an idiot that can’t get out of something, no one will help, or the bad guy who doesn't really care if she lives or dies to save himself, and when she has knowledge, charms her to deceive before the plot twists back in a myriad of plot-twisty ways.

Getting off of all that, having complimented your strong writing and conception that's provoked my insane amount of rambling with a tablet, tapping without trimmed nails, character by character tenaciously to this point in a looong sentence, the ending wrapped too neatly, too quickly to feel full satisfaction. It might be the one nagging detail. Maybe,mother title could be better? What’s central to story, most profound: The Banker’s Wife? / Paradis Lost ? seeing no John Milton tie-in) Sunburn Island? I guess I have lots of them… How I Lost My Ignorant, Drug-Dealing Husband On Vacation? I’ll stop.

I loved how it was playing out. I would hate to see the illuminating start truncated to add to the epilogue. Getting more value from her reactions: a need to show more emotions in need of consolation, and more power from the couple’s beliefs to the point spiritualism plays a bigger role to help shape a takeaway. She should utter a phrase beginning with, “But I thought…” that can quickly encapsulate trust/betrayal/overlooked signs/duration, age of relationship amid this unique bond formed with this couple offering wisdom and spiritualism. If you could tie one detail from the beginning, already introduced or quickly contrived, it could be the piece to get satisfactory resolution to intone a takeaway.

A story this well-told with rich detail that can lead a reader by the nose deserves more consideration for expansion. I offer my help all the time to writers longing for enough words to produce the printable, shelve-able tome…usually during NanoWrimo type events. I’ve severely curtailed my own writing and reviewing, deeming it is not meritorious or advantageous to participate in a community that has gotten my life’s blood in the past. I know I'm prone to overcommit. But, should you further conceive this story, if my help might be deemed worthy, I'm always up to helping a deserving writer with good words get as much as they can from their craft.

Sorry, knowing ingo too far to deep. Self-editing is not my strength, thanks to a paternalistic life domineering that iIexplain myself before ultimate condemnation, without the late medical diagnosis that informed anxiety-provoking tensions. TMI. Good work. A pleasure to have witnessed today.

Sincerely


Brian
DWG Reviewer

Holy Grail of Myth stays the Excalibur.
Didn’t know it’d be nearly 95-hundred characters before I started *RollEyes*


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4
4
Review by Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dear Strychnine Author Icon

This is a complex subject, but one that I would like to dive into because I am familiar and never far off from what you express in this sort of confessional. I'd like to examine it from different vantages: psychological, emotional and structural.

Obvious, hard to label this item. More likely, a journal entry. I remember writing openly in an essay in my high school English class and information similar to this got a "you brave your chest when you write" from my English teacher, who I disliked until the end of that semester. Back then, even teachers ridiculed students, so the whole class could laugh at my expense. And facing some of the most difficult people, situations gave me composure.

This leads into the psychological aspect. The emotional component of your piece does tie into the psychological as well as the structural as I'll attempt to give my take.

My first response when I read that first sentence was, ‘that's me’. Or, was. But, still could be. Inside, I'm racing. You're racing through words like you need to get to a point before someone cuts you off. You're probably used to people telling you what you are than listening to you state your position. As a result, anxiety sets it and like me control and get through the dialogue, hopefully understood by others. But, who's the audience here? It feels like either something stirred this writing to life or you have ADHD or a learning difficult that your highly functioning brain is helping you override certain societal restraint and condition. It will be beautiful when you summit, because coming back down to earth, knowing yourself, everyone in the room and how to walk through life unscathed will make you feel bullet proof and ten feet tall.

what you wrote:
I laugh at my life as if it were one magnanimous joke, questioning why I even try anymore, yet finding that giving up feels too easy while persisting seems impossibly hard.

This set the tone. Rather than break this into two different sentences you present the dichotomy of living day to day, how much to persist or idle and feel empty, unfulfilled. The commitment life needs to just exist continues further:

I only find my life laughable because who wouldn’t, when each day you work harder than the last, only to sit down after your efforts and face even harsher criticism than before—a never-ending game with no breaks and impossibly strict rules.

That’s the stated restraint. This essay is the complaint. Writing is fighting here, as you present the mental anguish of hard work without reward or fair acknowledgement. Writing is resilient, forthright and helps lay out what could be an open letter to the world, which I read and relate with, stuck in this house for three weeks straight. That last part about rules reminds that life is more punitive than rewarding. It’s here I’m persuaded that example need serve to back up your gripe. And when a younger man, would note how unfair ticket, cite me for minor traffic violations when I’m a good driver 99% of the time. I heard the siren, would see flashing lights and thought ‘what now’? It’s my metaphor for life like a police state bordering on totalitarianism.

Structure: You then seem to go from first person to third, as I’ve not witnessed a character introduction:

And when she reflects on her character, she struggles to see herself as generous or kind because she has been labeled as ungrateful and insignificant. When she contemplates that her life might be interesting, she looks back at others' opinions and finds it to be nothing more than boring and fruitless.

What I get is a sense of is getting away (distancing oneself) from life, witnessing it externally. It’s a mechanism to be rational and ease frustration, leaning into one’s own objectivity or need for a story taken over by someone else, in this, understanding the strife.

Finally:

Others think that someone so young has seen nothing of this world, but I believe I am much more perceptive than the average person my age. I’ve reflected on my own character, scrutinized my issues, and questioned why I have them at all. Why am I callous and cruel? To be called wicked without being recognized— is it an insult or a compliment to my character?

Now here, you might not name it, but you point to dehumanization. It’s character assassination by judgmental assumptors. If I’m relating, it’s people are cowards who use what little dominion over another, then punch and hide. It’s as if they stand on moral high ground. Without ever launching a fair question to address, society would rather label a person, shelve or file them away. It makes it easier for them than to deal with another. Perhaps, we are too complex to understand and that life boxes people in, forcing us into darkness to ask, ‘why me’? When really, it should be ‘what’s wrong with you’? That Q would mirror or launch back at pious, self-righteous jerks. Could go as far as mocking them with the comeback, “Who hurt you?” I’m careful to respond to Neanderthal narcissists.

I truly feel life and its inhabitants are difficult and prohibitive because they are weak, don’t trust and don’t address their own problems, turn heel on people who look and act vulnerable, keeping the upper hand. Your expository is halfway to realization that it’s life blowing smoke. No one gets to tell someone what to do, lord over others. Getting a foothold, working more on addressing those who hurt us, just say, ‘I feel unsafe dealing with you.’ It’s fair to speak recognized feelings. It doesn’t have to be reacting as they do, gaslighting Nazis. Show them what they are, damage they inflict. Be prepared. If they don’t respond, they know you’re right. Accept silence as their acquiescence.

Overall, you’ve really laid into a subject many address and deal with. When life meddles with people like us, the agents of its dehumanizing ways need a mirror to show them it’s unnecessary. It’s especially narcissistic to invoke oneself over another. I would never want to be in a position to hold dominion by arrogance over others. This is where you’re at in your self-actualizing process. If young, more maturation and experience will give even greater perspective. It’s just life. We’re all in the same boat. I’d tell to them to quit being a (pick your favorite body part or animal here, to shame). That they need to lighten up. It’s better to get along where we commune. Otherwise, it goes to a uniquely intoned, ‘who hurt you?’ Each time.

A pleasure to peruse. Thanks for sharing, helping remind me there are redactive people out there that need to be taken to life’s ‘woodshed’ and to get off my lawn. Nicer way to phrase it.

Brian
WDC DWG Group Reviewer
DWG Autumn Sig


I’m legally blind, closer to just blind. Hard to edit what I write when I go on this long. Hope it’s readable and helps in any way. It’s been since last Fall when I gave consideration to this.

This review of your noted item could serve members of this writing community who need to ‘check’ someone. *ChessKingB* Your move. *Chess board pieces on the floor*


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5
5
Review by Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello!
Dear Angelica Weatherby- StPattyDay Author Icon,

I get to review you per the terms of the “I Write in 2025” group. Apologies as I bumble my way through your offered story.

I must admit, I’m not much for anything other than mainstream fiction. I’m out of my element to speak to what is taking place in the story. I can discern somewhat. Have you considered a foreword or something to help a reader digest this? Perhaps, more readers would indulge. Anyway, it’s less story and more like a scene in a longer story.

That aside, I can speak to story structure, grammar and the like. It feels like a cold open at the start, though this is short. I was getting a feel for the story, wanted more development, more action. It compels by end with foreboding. This seems like a segment of an ongoing story. There isn’t time to develop characters, scene. There is dialogue and descriptions of what is happening throughout, some told through dialogue. Third person omniscient but mainly through the main character, but I don’t get a sense of them other than motivations.

Talk of language barriers with this castle didn’t seem to influence problems with communication. Maybe, the translator? Hard to tell. Also, instead of the respondent making note of the creatures/animals with them, perhaps the introduction could include depictions of the detail, descriptions of animals to begin visualizing creatures. Perhaps, the guard provide further detail to round out the vision, without having to slow story just in their description, giving the story more inventory with elements added to aid an envisioning reader. But, if part of something longer…

Since the animals could communicate, the cobra intrigues, given its wisdom, and seems like a primary character that could be advising these two (I assume humans) as they search for help. It seems they did not anticipate well. However, it could still be implied they knew the likely response of deportation; however, with plans to plead their case, stall, that could buy time. Otherwise, they don’t impress if they aren’t cunning enough to stay a step ahead of the game, as with any good story, leaving readers in suspense. As outcasts or defectors, there could be an element of danger here to heighten suspense. Perhaps, having the animals use their special abilities to create group awareness…like checking the area to see if they’re followed, or if safe.

Things I couldn’t visualize: creatures or characters. The translator tool I can imagine, but no special name? Is it employed because the dialogue seemed straight forward.

I found to be good the description of place, the group at a portal and how she was preparing communication for this visit, but portals can be futuristic or to another realm as a gateway to another dimension. It’s easy to assume some things for those who read this genre, not for me. Though, by end, dragon was a pretty big tell.

The Ja’moir character’s action, I assume when I read this: “Then he pulled out the translator too,” as it stopped me in my tracks. I think it’s not so much clarity but certainty I lack when I take these leaps. As for description, some adept adjectives can create an illusion of a thumbnail sketch, before scenes continue to show us more. I hear dragon, nothing more need be said. However, this is me. An intended audience can glean much more from your story than I. But, a really good story can grab anyone, regardless of genre proclivity.

I found a grammar error…”We were kidnapped from by that city, where we live," Ja'moir replied

Otherwise, opening and ending are strong. It would take more than double those words for me to imagine and infer what’s going on. It’s not a story as is. I read the rules of the contest. If you can create drama and conflict with the guards, or thwart an ambush, it would help the middle of this piece.

That’s about it. I didn’t take as long as usual to digest and respond, as in the past. I’m working with a tablet, poor vision and a review tool dialog box as wide an ocean with small fish for characters to cobble together. Hope this final edit suffices. Couldn’t fix structure of my comments, because I’d really mess up. My iPad settings enlarge everything but this stubborn website.

A pleasure, best wishes with your writing,

Brian
disability Writer’s Group


Holy Grail of Myth stays the Excalibur.


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6
6
Review of i was a kid  Open in new Window.
Review by Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary Charlotte Thomas Author Icon,

A review in recognition of your poem, [I was a kid.]

As a poem of cause and effect it lacks while it demonstrates someone emotionally stunted by withholding, dismissive parents. All the necessary emotional detail is here, the structure very illuminating and a great formula to question somewhat rhetorically. I see its value. The poem itself, a page of self-therapy from one not fully realized, visualized. In self-actualization, though, it starts out and ends having to do things for oneself and walking away to start your life away (unfortunately). It delivers a powerful message in the poem’s thumbnail framework. You are on to something here that could use fuller exposition to connect writer and reader.

I’ve had similar issues growing up., helping me connect on the parallels and main focus of the poem…abandonment. This is truly difficult, even as adult, to navigate, encoded with the PTSD from these experiences that I’m sure readers of this poem will realize. In my case, if I wasn’t unreachable, being different, and undiagnosed or because my little brother got all the attention, could do nonwrong. I took most of the punishment. You mention something similar in this poem, but blame parents for doting on other siblings, causing this insecurity from imbalance. In my case, I took out some frustration on little brother, giving me more trouble. Errors we make as children, that lack of understanding, and other factors are difficult to express, without forum, as a child. You clearly express in progression how the situation worsens when siblings learn the pecking order.

Cinderella Syndrome a thing? It’s not clear if step-parents, half-siblings. What biases would parents have? This is a concise but could be a bit more with some implied situations to infer. You well demonstrate in these lines necessary topic points, though leaves me disappointed on two fronts 1) lack of cited circumstances to intone this and (2) the tired language. A case can be made for both adding dimension to the poem.

Tired language demonstrates the bedraggled voice of the poem speaker. As children of PTSD, our value in the hands of our authoritarians, we are conditioned by response and the absence of it. It leads to social conditioning that makes it hard to warm up to strangers, when distrusting family. I don’t know about you, but if I rehash those old days, bad feelings start to bubble up. It seems poor decisions can result, recalling guilt and shame. Made me emotionally stunted a long time. I overheard some ask another why I was monotone. It’s that voice people prey on, without understanding. There is an upside to feeling insignificant. I became tenacious, a fighter, ever learning, never wanting anyone to be my master. I control my destiny., and animate my voice, including singing.

This poem reminds me that questions unanswered can live with us life long. I wish closure for the narrator of these words. The form is great, really intones impact of your message, especially when ending on that title line. A satisfying write goes a long way toward healing, can be soothing,. Writing structures thought, creates portals to the past to see, get perspective. I wish you well with life, family writing.

Sincerely,

Brian
disability WRITERS Group

DWG Main image

Sorry, not a good word maker-upperer?
My apologies for grammar and typo issues. Low vision, font in review tool microscopic, and too many distractions for one troubled to navigate with ADHD. *Cool* using a tablet, because fingers won’t stay lined up on keyboard, and frustration adds to the mix. Ok, all disclaimers aside, hope today has been a great anniversary.


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7
7
Review by Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Dear DRSmith Author Icon,

This is quite the poem and a pleasure to see so well written with character voices that could intone the nature of the parts in their play portrayed. In between the couplets with imagery, quotes and a story revealed, your poem had felt rare and too unique to be found in these internet parts.

It’s a clear voice that grabs a reader like me, with its plain vernacular and positive politeness. A story akin to limerick tonality and message, it offered irony as well as a visually tempting scene. It had a feel of something between an old Playboy filler or something passed around the foundry to read, better than and too long for a bathroom stall. Does harken an earlier era, mainly from the euphemistic and language usage. Clever, easy to read, I enjoyed sharing my reaction.

Brian
disability Writers Group

Sorry, not a good word maker-upperer?


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8
8
for entry ""MADNESS OF MARCH"" Open in new Window.
Review by Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Dear THANKFUL SONALI Love my family Author Icon,

I pounced on this shortly after posting in this year’s ‘I Write’. I noted after noting the prompt and focus of this month’s Bard’s Hall previous, while in consideration of this contest for myself. I had to check the forum after noting the title, and indeed Ẃeβ࿚Ẃỉtcĥ Author Icon had intended it be called ""MADNESS OF MARCH"" Open in new Window.. Noting her suggested themes, this goes into an area of your life, culture and religion to learn of what ‘Madness’ where you reside.

This is a poem with pride and enthusiasm that does more than be an acrostic. It taps into youth and vitality as well as the spirituality. I considered educating myself through google to gain more perspective. It takes a lot of work to write reviews, as I’ve done in the past. So, I hover over your employed words, loved the repeated and resounding alliteration on the second M. Here, in the flow from depictions to expressions you deliver powerful, sharp lyricism to my ear that intones and powers your poem replete with imagery, exposition, while familiarizing this reader.

My head is all gummed up with basketball, coined March Madness, over-monetized. Limiting for people in America, lacking in world perspective, raised on nationalism, as the ‘writers of history’, with the citizenry growing foggier by the minute, despite this knowledge of our origins, ironically.

And, seeing your enthusiasm in your poem for your part of the world is revealed well, as I’m aware what’s lacking about this part of the ‘newest’ continent. Happy for you. Your poem is a great pick-me-up. I cheer you on!

Brian
disability Writers Group reviewer *Cool* \ *tap* *tap* *tap*
It feels my clumsy English is behaving like a second language this night. All edited out. *sigh*


Holy Grail of Myth stays the Excalibur.


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Review of walk  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary Tamzin Morton Author Icon,

I’m a bit late, but better late…I happened upon this brief work while searching WDC Anniversaries and a review in celebration of 22 years here? Wow. Your description just said, “this just came to me,” otherwise described as an article, with arts, inspirational and political. Indeed, a genre soup of many flavors. I see this more as a poem, treating as such.

Let’s get it out in the open for any who don’t know, this poetic technique you apply with a title driven poem is anaphora. The term anaphora refers to a poetic technique in which successive phrases or lines begin with the same words, often resembling a litany. The repetition can be as simple as a single word or as long as an entire phrase. Poets love anaphora, the repetition of a word or phrase at the start of a sentence or clause. Poets love anaphora because the device creates coherence and makes poems memorable. Poets also use anaphora because it helps drive their point home.

I certainly can see a litany within the lines that seem like a condemnation. And, if you do this, and predictively, it serves as a message spoken as a warning from an experienced, sage voice.

Walk the path you make for it will lead you to hate

The line, while grammar might be weak, sends a powerful first volley at the reader. The tone of the narrative commands a reader’s attention. Further:


Walk till you see no happiness in the world
Walk from life and it woes that bind you
Walk till your feet bleed and your legs can go no more
Walk till you are nothing
And be happy you won’t see the war

I see imagery that evokes the sensory connected to the author’s message. It’s advice at the outset that a reader connects. I myself wouldn’t know a strategy to succinctly dovetail those thoughts in a cohesive message, but it’s a valiant and spirited effort I enjoyed consuming.

Otherwise:
'till' is 'til' and 'it' is 'its'. For grammar, remove 'for' in first line and use a conjunctive or punctuation to connect the two thoughts.

Hope this helps,

Brian
WDC Disability Writers (DWG)
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Review of Money  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary Imagination Author Icon

I stumbled upon this item when trying to find something to acknowledge your anniversary earlier this month, finally able to finish.

These lyrics get right into subject with a topic about single mothers and poverty. It is direct and does not lean into symbolism, metaphors to evoke a response for a potential listener. I imagine these words could be performed as angry or gritty with a folk or blues approach. And, as I see, it is unfinished. There is something to this and can see this developed as song. I think for lyrics, those opening lines are long and can be broken wherever the natural pause is and meant to be felt. I think that this would help for the read and also for a vocalist.

What’s key about lyrics is lyricism. These words have meaning, some sway. Sometimes, just reading words like these can help provide its own rhythym and be felt connected to message. The rhyme scheme helps drive these points home. It was a pleasure to read and consider your lyrics for feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
Disability Writers Group (DWG)
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Jay O'Toole Author Icon,

I found this poem of yours on the read and review page showing with a flair of that bard of yore with a touch of language hinting at modern day perplexities. There is a good rhyme and seemingly has consistent meter that is easy to consume for these eyes, including the first line that appears directly borrowed to set the tone.

My favorite passage:
Down here the summer days are hot.
The P.C. rules I quite forgot.
Now that the A.C. hit the spot,
let's talk about you, Miss Hot-to-Trot

It provides sensory detail from hot to cool, perhaps operating on another level, and depicts a struggle to be what another needs, willing to keep that subject on mantle. It’s been a while since considering ye olde English for poem. Somedays, as refreshing as that a/c.

A pleasure to considering your writing again. This, an older item. Until I peruse again,

Brian
WDC Anniversary
and Angel Army reviewer
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Review of Have Faith  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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A review for the Haiku poem "Have Faith"

Happy Account Anniversary Drew Author Icon

Noting it is you've surpassed two years in this writing community, I humbly stop by to read and offer some response to your writing with "Have Faith".

In the darkest night,
Hope's whisper guides the lost soul,
Faith lights the unknown.

I enjoy discovering all the different approaches to haikus and this is one that works well. The ideals of 'faith' and 'hope' do go hand in hand. You've managed to personify hope as something whispering and guiding the lost. It's one's faith that can make it possible to see their way out of the darkness.

We have the old adage, "Have faith" or "have faith it will work out," which is akin to sitting on your hands like an impatient child. This knowledge driven haiku drew me in, as I want to envision outcome with how the poet has structured meaning of faith in the short oriental form, see how the words and expressions that give night, light, hope and faith the leading roles as actors and how that might function within brevity.

I don't see any flaws in particular. A haiku usually has a nature theme, but this seems akin to it, and spiritual. The final line is strong in it's declaration, giving a reader a concrete takeaway.

With notions of 'hope' and 'faith' as entities, it reminds that they come from us and our will for those seeking out destiny. Perhaps, it's natural to be an illusory bunch, getting ourselves motivated to continue on toward that goal's finish line.

I feel if one has a strong passion for something, faith is there. Hope's whisper feels like having done all you can do and it's out of your hands, so one has to wait it out to see if fate will play with destiny.

Nicely done.

Brian
WDC Account Anniversary Reviewer


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Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Fyn Author Icon

A lovely story and nicely narrated. It plays on some things I’d wish for myself, with low vision. Her offering of money was a precious moment. Knowing the writing game, this story breaks it down in a way to encourage writers to always write and share your stories. I see the worth in his relation to her that will inspire her to one day chase those inspiring visions, after much experience with storytelling through the written word.

In a way, I had a funny reaction to how she would repay her doubt, once it was revealed what she wanted to with that vision…only write for the rest of your life! Through the story, it’s realized that the worth in paying forward a debt will inspire goodness, kindness that others could pay forward. Sad end, but realizes a life cycle of sorts, like completing a mission in life. As the girl is about to move forward.

Thanks for sharing,

Brian


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Review of Canvas  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Happy Account Anniversary Louis Williams Author Icon,

I like the image in transition that starts off with the blank canvas, but then envision sweet milk as a step in that process of creation, both visual and visceral references. It's visual and apropos in color depiction and unique, but also expressive how the artist paints with vision. Everything opens by centering on that medium of art, with the depicted potential that I emotively felt through your expressions.

The narrative is not what I'd expect, as it doesn't come across as abstract, like the employment of oblique or aligned metaphoric language to make a viewer visualize for themselves art in progress. And, the whole poem is linear with it's origins before a canvas changes to the outcome and how it makes others feel looking upon the finished painting.

While I enjoy your unique expressions, I felt there could be more brevity and showing, as this would highlight a theme of art as something visual. There is a generic or unknowable piece of art that stands as the metaphor and is more about how the artist's process progresses to finish and the outcome thereafter. I had wondered if the painting would be more personal and personified, given life by the poet, just as an artist gives color to the painting to move those who see.

What I enjoy is the honesty and the realism about delivering a painting with the world, identifying with the passage..."gaze in wonder/at the wreckage or the beauty of the image/you've left for others to ponder on." This expresses everything I felt about what I share as a poetry blogger. I unveil and expose myself, knowing my work could be accepted or rejection. But, furthermore, your worlds make me realize that I leave it warts and all. Your statement here makes me feel whether ugly or beautiful, all the same worthy of consideration. That ugly is beauty in the same breath of those words. That truly is an artist speaking.

Although I might quibble with the approach to narrative and the perception a reader might take from the poem, the power is in the narrator's understanding of art. You translate it as poetry in an experienced way that allows us to relate as artisans in our own rights. There should be a lot of amens among writer/readers who know the attempt at beauty, the hope of acceptance as ugly, and that a true reader or viewer of these things will be able to discern meaning and attempt with our shared crafts.

It was a pleasure to consider your insightful poem for feedback,

Brian
WDC Account Anniversary Reviewer


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Review by Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of that well-hung-over look

Dear Chico Mahalo Author Icon,

I enjoyed considering another one of your poems. The opening was a greet meeting with the narrator and the anecdotes he shares gave me thoughts to consider themes of identity, creativity, parental relationships, and the irony of it. The personal narrative helped me view it through an author’s eye.

Amid life choices, he reflects here on creative and personal struggle, with a sense of inadequacy. He’s secluded and grows as a young individual might, with new philosophies like Zen Buddhism, Marxism, and punk rock. There is this search for meaning and a rebellion against convention. The part about losing that baby tooth is a good use of metaphor for growing up, and also loss associated while becoming a man, and getting some distance from his previous self.

The recollections of his father’s judgments helped create tension, shows the generational conflict and the lack of understanding between them. The irony of their last conversation was directly stated, with that being on All Saints' Day. It underscored a shared suffering as 'martyrs' in each of their lives, dealing with failures and judgments in different but similar ways.

Off first read, I found areas in this poem to give further consideration. Like the last conversation with the Father: To me, “last conversation” suggests a significant, perhaps final moment of understanding between them. I assume the harsh judgment from his father was an emotional turning point. It gives me a sense that there is closure for their relationship.

The meaning of All Saints' Day & Martyrs: I did have to look this up. All Saints' Day commemorates saints and martyrs, with the themes of suffering and sacrifice. The narrator is aware of this irony, because they might not be saints in a sense, both feel wronged or persecuted. The father's judgment adds to the martyrdom.

The inability to write: The narrator admits struggling with writing, a block created with self-doubt and lack of fulfillment with his creative endeavors. This struggle to overcome feels like those moments where disconnects occur, when life has given a young person some serious things to consider, choices to make, rather than just sit around and write as life needs to be lived. The note about prose as "flaccid," gives an image of the lack of creativity, and boredom with life.

The lost tooth serves as a poignant symbol of growth, transition, and perhaps a failed past. It works well as a metaphor for loss of innocence and childlike creativity/imagination, as he becomes an adult, which is not going as expected.

As for the father’s judgment, labels for his friends are recalled, suggesting it’s not just about his friends but the influences and choices he’s making, and it’s showing that of disapproval. He seems like a paternal character stuck in his ways, is concerned, but doesn’t know how to correctly communicate it.

I can relate to the narrator experiencing life on his own, opposed to being taken care of, and now breaking away to find oneself. Parents stand guard on the edge of a young man’s world and have to let the him find his true purpose, maybe get some passion for life that is missing from writing. But, it’s extra pressure to get it right in view of the judgment restraint from father.Those life choices and creative failures are experienced a bit more emotionally, as a result.

Your poem shows what many commonly go through with family expectations or grooming for life, with a parent's emotional investment and wish that they succeed. It takes some time for young men to see how fathers actually care, despite the poor choice of words and characterization.

I found there was a blend of humor and well noted thoughts to help me agree and relate to this poem, as if I experienced it myself.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Stairway to Life  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary Greenspring Author Icon

It will be your sixth anniversary with Writing.Com this month and recently took a look at your offerings to find this point: "written after difficulty...lending to affirmation of faith." The title alone made me think of the Led Zepplin song and considered influences before reading.

"Stairway to Life" leaves this reader with a truncated message written in a limerick form. The first line has me curious as images and scene haven't yet developed but begin to connect with a rhyme scheme that works very well. "Slanted" and "Bloom" play significant roles. It's true we feel like flowers, and beautiful, but there are things out there that affect "patience" as you note in the third line. I could make an argument for slanted as something not 'crooked' but that leans into something, as with need for support or looking behind.

I find a strong narrative at play with a message from experience. This ultimately becomes a nuanced way of saying that between patience of the yet-to-be future lies regret or obsessions about the past on that journey to deliverance that gets delayed. We might find ourselves lost and in doubt in that anticipation, and get stuck, not move forward in life. It's also an assuring message that reminds we have good instincts and must not let distractions cloud perception.

From title to description line, the poem has very little to suggest beyond 'faith' which truly comes from one's heart and soul. It isn't heavy in the religious sense, thus avoiding sounding preachy and a breath of fresh air. I have found sage wisdom from people who don't apply the "Good Book" when coming up with common sense notions. This is truly words that simplistically boil down the basics as a guide for life. At the core is 'patience' and that perhaps, to endure life, you have to be strong, grow straight and depend on yourself when no other guidance is around.

It's a great poem, reads well and doesn't distract with its message with clean, useful words that deliver a paternal message. Thanks for sharing.

Brian
WDC Angel Army
and Account Anniversary Reviewer
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Review of SILENCE  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary Naomi Author Icon,

I am perusing your portfolio to lend response to one of your many writings. I stumbled upon this and how you relate to a very old song, as far back as the mid 60s. It is a beautiful song and one of agony, with that open, "Hello darkness my old friend." I was actually repeating that opening while toiling in my backyard in these past few days. So, serendipity now to find your response to it today.

Your reaction to the Simon and Garfunkel hit sparks the positive aspect of what silence can do to keep a soul, especially for a writer, healthy, happy and properly functioning. For some, silence is golden. For others, it's sadness amidst loneliness in an indifferent world that won't communicate, isolates and divides, causing people to consider their worth, and the value of life and humanity. It's clearly existentialism.

You have a great handle on writing your own reaction with insightfulness. It reminds me of the line:

People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening

...among those ten thousand or so, likely a New York area from street to a central park. Perhaps, not liking the indifference and how one can be alone in walls of people who don't take notice.

You might not have realized there is a very popular remake of the song by the Alternative Rock group Disturbed, that I'll link below. The lyrics pop up on the screen, and you might get an extra dimension to the layered melancholy and beauty with a very touching vocal performance, adding legend of the song.

Thank you so much for your response today and giving me another chance to reconsider the old and new hit in my own bliss of silence.

Happy Anniversary!

Brian
WDC Anniversary Reviewer

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Review of Velcro  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary (Yes, again!) Sumojo Author Icon,

I've been noting some of your eight-line works through the forum we've inhabited. "Velcro" 'caught' my eye...ow! That might hurt. *Laugh* Thinking visually again. This poem does show a great way of depicting a steadfast and functional relationship with the components of Velcro. It goes beyond that, however, to strike me as sentimental and endearing in its wistful framework.

This is a clever device for an eight line poem, making it short and poignant. It's a great way to describe the function of a relationship that ascribes how Velcro's properties work in collaboration between two in love. We often feel this simplicity in attraction, as affection, with your poem's concept. It's like opposite ends of magnets or things that go together like chocolate and peanut better. This reader finds it fun to consider your poem, because I can see the integral parts that fit together in a boiled down vision, like: 'Velcro, we two cling, with your hooks and my loops of string. We touch, hold fast, never rip, last forever'. That last part sounds cryptic, as I'm noting words that resonate best in your tiny, rhyming gem.

It's in the expression that beauty is found, when I consider how you structure and intimate well with these words. I'm reminded of nature and how things tack to one another like those pesky, thorny weeds and my pants, when I trail the wilder places. I'm reminded of laws of attraction that come with various aspects and considerations. A poem like yours could further consider what causes the two agents to come together...Velcro, by design to serve a function. A weed, to annoy me, because a burr is an inevitable thing during certain walks of life. There are other ways, to conceive of what's drawn involuntarily to consider, per say a wet fall leaf, and a serendipity visited where it might stick. Visions that wake us, especially the poet inside.

It's great to have a poetry forum with prompts like the one we've both given our words. I sometimes go back and reconsider my attempts for something more my own, unrestrained by structure, to see where I can take it. I hope you explore this one further, considering its fuller potential. The only part that feels like it doesn't best serve the whole is 'asunder' and 'plunder'. But, assuming there are elements that could tear a relationship apart, a reconsideration could set up those words to function fully with new possibilities.

Always a pleasure to read and consider your words for feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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Review of The one for me  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary fote Author Icon,

In your poem, "The one for me," there's anaphora at work, driving heavily a poem with lines beginning with the question introduction, "Are you for me..." I like these considerations, but worry about it being monotonous, or even self-centered, to a reader. I think interchanging a few words in those questions helps break it up to give more of a weaving read, as with the last lines of this poem did. You can move the best of the questions words to the front and end the line, "is what I ask myself," to break it up.

While poetic and romantic in nature, I wonder if the words are intended to be heard or more of an internal monologue, as if trying to decide. It starts out that way, but the poet drifts dreamily into more poetic language than at the outset. The poetic devices come out with imagery, and make great associations from mountains to music and ocean shores, as it's all encompassing. It feels like something that considers every last detail in this litany.

However, the poem shifts gears at the end and describes for a reader that final question that feels ceremonial, like the speaker is summing up and making a vow. It's roughly landing in line two after 'heaven' and 'infinity' are misspelled, and the grammar game is a bit off before the last line. But, excitedly it ends, as it breaks from exposition to a joyful turn to audience with news of a positive return response. It's as if this poem is something recited before vows. I note the great space between the driving "Are you for me's," like putting away a note card to take the betrothed one's hand and the final words spoken.

It's not really matrimonial, but has that feel. And the question with 'for me' feels heavy and yet, like wondering if this is the right one. If it had been spoken "Are you...the hope," or "Are you...the never ending journey," I would love this so much more. Removing the personal pronoun and directly asking these questionings so poignantly with flattery and love would move many a reader. It feels rough around the edges and has so much raw power waiting to link up.

It's a pleasure to consider this poem and the questions are really well laid out and sound great, except 'violins' that scream. I'd reconsider that. Pianos crying? Maybe, but consider them elegant, with percussive sounds from hammers and wire strings that resonate from levered ivory so joyously and delicately. There are many things, from how pianos of any size, produce sound. Just the right one here could suggest a grand piano, which is a beautiful and majestic sight.

Thanks for sharing this poem, Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Account Anniversary
and Angel Army Reviewer
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Is this poem for me?
Yes shall be my answer, the one for me!


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Review by Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary tj wanderlust-words-in-motion Author Icon

This item looks fairly recent and am unaware of a Grumpy or a contest by that person. Not here? Anyhow, I came upon this short poem, "She Don't Like Roses," having learned it was your WDC account anniversary.

Surprising to note the detail that goes into a rhyming, metered poem so intelligently written. It's such an easy read and irony for the main character telling the story, based on poor grammar from title to text. One could assume under-educated and not too smart, especially for getting caught. Your speaker's reactions with unknowing ignorance, reveals and somehow spills out things a reader can take away as evidence from this tiny story poem.

You hook right off the bat with the introduction and catalyst for the story, getting 'caught' with 'her sister' and what we are to infer from that. Well implied to let the reader do a little figuring out. It helps to engage the thought process and initiate an anticipation of outcome, especially since we are not sure about the players and motivations.

As a vignette, this speaks clearly about relationships and covers the topic of cheating...with the sister? I ruminate about that right after. I'm thinking when you get between two sisters, it's because one wants to steal from the other, probably in a petty war of whose more attractive or better at 'stuff'. I'm trying to read stuff between the lines as I see this: She caught me with her sister ▼

Now, his attempt at apology delivers roses to her. His response to her reaction when he comes to the door speaks volumes, especially about his ignorance. "Now, how was I supposed to know red roses she didn't like?" It could have been any kind of flower, same result. Some readers might actually assume she doesn't like roses, rather than doesn't like getting cheated on, and with her sister. This ignorance is humorous to expect to make up because of some cut flowers. Apparently not charming enough to deliver them with the proper words. Doesn't get that the offer of flowers can't make up for what happened, clearly clueless how relationships work.

But, I gave this character some benefit of the doubt, from memories of those early days courting. We followed some protocol that seemed to be borne out of TV or movies, or some common act that supplied as logic. Maybe, because of FTD ads claiming a cure all. He obviously doesn't get it, but could get clued in. This moment is something that reminds of a woman's reaction in a black-and-whites flick. A silly romance where she'd forgive him if he revealed something like he loved her. I don't think it's his intention to be in love with two sisters, but don't discount at an early age that it isn't something a young man might consider, since not all cards are on the table and clueless how to play a hand.

I like the psychology of the character and the triad with one link that is the true catalyst...the sister. I think she'd be hurt more than angry, if it was anyone other than sis? It's a nicely framed write, easy for reader, has lots to consider as a poem. You can create characters without descriptions and give us a great first person voice that leaves us readers to fill in the missing gaps of the story.

Thanks for sharing,

Brian
WDC Account Anniversary
and Super Power Reviewer
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Review of self-delusion  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Happy Account Anniversary Mindcrime Author Icon,

This poem came very well informed, annotated, if you will. I liked having the backstory to frame this poem and know the author intent before beginning to read, and to consider how this piece works to intone intended feelings. Sometimes, it's just the title that frameworks a read to tease a reader. "self-delusions strikes me as

What you having going for you in this poem are statements that readers can relate with and ponderings we've had about the great unknowns of life. I think somewhere hidden in there is the question of choosing the path...as Robert Frost suggests, the one you know, or one you don't take. And, we are left to ruminate about these things as you sum up at the end. Are we trying to make sense and be practical for our future, or do we snag on the few to one thing that keep us in a state of 'if I had another chance'.

I feel this might also be what most readers will take away. And the form of this poem breaks into different directions that go from traditional rhyming to free verse and ultimately statements that stand alone as prose. I wonder if that is the intent, to show how smooth it seems life is to move into these areas of life where we take chances try to dance with it. In the end, the poem speaks from experience, but still in wonderment. It's as if the poem just stops like a person worn down by life.

"We dance with confusion and wonder,
and in the distance, we hear the thunder."

The first two lines are knowable illustrating with thunder something that is coming, but it's far away and it is undeniable. And because of this the poem further prompts, "I look beyond reality and hide behind reason/and wait impatiently for the change of the season."

Here, it gets a bit tricky, beyond reality could be anything from the conspiratorial to dreams and delusion. In concert with the following line and considering the introduction, I'm thinking we are guilty of idling away life. Putting off until tomorrow as with everything will resolve itself, after winter and spring returns. Instead, not pursuing a passion to get out there and do something can make one feel less than whole but hollow of self-experiences. These four lines stand alone and are strong in introduction.

"Chase the sunset watching the light fade.
Seeing shadows start long, then tall,
then disappear to nothing at all."

I can feel the poem winding down, as the narrator seems to feel calmer or worn down. It's irony that we chase things we could never possibly have, at least this demonstrates the approach, as if running after it would be enough to capture the sunset. The shadows are ominous and remind me how cinematographers use them in old westerns as an imposing gunslinger. That's a rare take from my experience, but reminds how ominous and defeating life obstacles can seem, and then return to reside in our dark. And as the poem is unfolding, it feels more like permanence. And I note that the three stanza segues into dreams from the night reference, which blends well on a timeline or two, an entire life or just day to day.

"We crash into the night and we spill over dreams,
The longer we ride the clearer this seems."

Having gone from four, to three to two lines, and then the final one, I catch this as the countdown. This is a great freelance composition in that respect, disregarding form, yet rhyming. Life is both the freedom to do what we want and to want to be love, feeling life beautiful. Perhaps, we're reaching life in totality, as time running out...one might still have choices to make.

And it becomes obvious there is a life experienced now to consider. Dreams are likely nonsense that our brain rummages through the attic's collection of current memories. It's really not considered here with anything more than a slight reference to the sleep gamble of good dream or nightmare. And, it might be linked to how fulfilled one feels. Though, that one (person, experience) from the past might come back unexpectant in REM...it might give the dreamer a new experience of wisdom from something...anywhere from regret to what a wonderful time it was and sometimes still feels after just waking up and reexperiencing that sweet nostalgia, with a new twist or bit of understanding/perspective. But, it could be the type that begs reconsider, second guess fated decision(s) (like sliding doors) that sent the dreamer on a different, and likely, unplanned course.

"Are you living your life for the memories? Or you can't move on because of one?"

There is some finality and telling with the last words, isn't there? From question to statement, I feel that teeter totter drop to the ground. This ending can seem like various things. Having worked in media, commercials are tagged with something thought provoking to convince some action on the part of the listener...or, as we called it, "a call to action." But what I feel is stated here echoes the process of poem to the question, time's up...what will it be? It's a natural, succinct and well-opted summary. It adds some knowing with a mix of irony, as if many will still balk and let life move on. No one can know fully know when life ends, self-bargain over that time remaining, and how long left to decide. But, there is a point where we either give up or finally launch, 'all in'.

A very thought provoking and uniquely crafted poem, working in several poetic layers while delivering a direct message that pries the minds of many who know. And that the inception of the poem might be the writer asking oneself, are we doing this or not? It's likely, when we write something down, the action alone suffices to purge/hold off the thoughts/decisions. But, like many things that need to be routinely drained, it refills and calls again. And with each call, the look at how long we've lived, how long we think we have left, and how much gumption...or a new direction?

Lot to chew here and ponder. I enjoyed considering your poem for feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Free Association  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Happy Account Anniversary Mindcrime Author Icon,

Your poem felt a bit like a fantasy story experience with one alone and unable to know what is out there, what they might face...akin to life as I read it. And, it feels it is about one who is young but must venture alone on their journey and wonder if a savior will come. It's a bit religious themed but not described as such. You provide imagery that gave a good sense of place at the outset. This poem attempts to cover and a lot of territory, some of which I considered from experience and my mind’s eye.

“Free Association” feels deeply rooted in one's past and experience, what we've learned early on and the consequences faced. It feels like there is going to be a conflict where someone or many needed to step up and support. There are weakened souls out there, as it reads. It feels like a world in decay and a reversal is needed. It's just free associated words, but they connect to memory. It suggests what one struggles with alone, wishing for like-minded aid. That is why in the last verse "Turn away,/lift a hand. It's like a direction to that other.

You have to wonder if we try to self-motivate or if we judge the world today for the direction it's headed. Subconsciously, the speaker and poet as one, are conflicted and feel like those who say "I'm only one person. What can I do?" like self-defeat. This poem is fighting back the tides that force us apart rather than join together. Lincoln's famous 'A house divided" is recalled and it's so apparent that the division isn't a civil war, but a war from within. It starts with each individual who's chosen to check out, take the easy way out. The future will be filled with people who won't be able to survive when we should be cast in another nationwide to global catastrophe.

Level-headed, focused and ideologically sound people are rare and can be assembled, but corporations and government that shred the fabric of all and force a nation to fight among themselves, control humanity just for that bottom dollar. I get all of this from your insightful, free associated expression of words. Write on!

Also, you have a bit of anaphora going on in the hub of this creation with the repetition of "Who will." It’s powerful, turns those lines into gleaming hammers. The narrative does give a reader much to pause and ponder, especially post read. It has invoked my own feelings, as you have read.


Brian
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Review of Touched By Love  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Happy Account Anniversary Ann Ticipation Author Icon,

This poem strikes with a wonderful expression of love for another and captures it with some unique imagery and also melancholy in the process. I was struck by these lines...

As if through rose-tinted glasses I see,
The sunshine behind drops of rain,
The greyest of skies still look blue to me...

Your offering here reads like a poem within a poem. You capture an image of radiance, colored and hiding behind tears, described as drops of rain. But even water is nourishing and it reminds me that rainbows can appears, serendipity, and other great symbols. It may be something picked up by a few readers.

It's also likely the speaker's delusion, but feels more like a coping mechanism for life. But more than that, a life lived and feeling blessed with love and nature intertwined as a theme, like a garden in Eden, utopian, where one can feel at peace, at ease. This gives a reader a sense of calm with appeal and something I'm sure many to all aspire to have.

Obviously dedicated to love, this poem has power to generate appreciation of hte written word that can be shared with another. As with the last line, I find you bring to light that even in our darkest moments, we take a fuller account of life, on the whole, and its scale tipping back to the balance. With that stable romance, life is wonderful, no matter, still beautiful. This was the highlight of the poem for me.

It's been a lot of years and a long time since the early days. Such a pleasure to again read and acknowledge your WDC Account Anniversary, now at twenty years.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review of Overcoming Fear  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon,

I like these short Japanese forms because a poet is forced to squeeze every ounce of energy into expression with words placed just so across that 17 syllable spectrum.

What's nice about a static like "Overcoming Fear" is the ability to add a description line to give contest, add extra meaning. Usually, these short forms that include Haiku, value the power of the title to framework a poetic offering. Your title gives a reader a hint how to discover that first line, "test by test.." Knowing genre as 'religious' also intones the poetic product.

There is only one thing for a writer to grapple that's not considered in this offering, oneself, and placement in the religious realm. Perhaps, like many religions and practices, to remove oneself can be part of the process to enlightenment. It's true, this poem conveys a feeling of being devout and doing what's right, and reward. I find the next level, in anything written, is to remove the personal pronoun as much as possible.

It can be a forced practice for some writers who have something to say from their perspective. It's more enticing to a reader if space is left for them to put themselves in story, their feelings into context with a poem. A beautiful poem allows reader access through poetic devices, freedom without judgment, to experience a writing like yours on their own.

Plus, removing unnecessary personal pronoun references allows space to squeeze more out of the few syllables given, including help with theme, cadence of read, a more powerful takeaway. Let's put it this way, it's assumed the narrative voice is the personal pronoun. It feels like experience when you can suggest or show something to give an account.

However, this poem is directly linked back to the writer. It is good to place a personal pronoun where it pronounces the most. The second line alone refers to the self twice. More room to boost the spiritual feeling for a reader. We do write for us, but without readers, are we just writing to share with ourselves?

This and much more I pose because your poem makes me consider the practices of writing and what we get out of it. I find your honesty shines through, as does the devoutly divine spirit that assembles this message for others to consider. I wonder if an Asian-theme form is the best way to express a religious write? It's great for experimentation. I don't know of a religious poetic form, do you? *Think*

Okay, back to personal pronoun. What I see as possible routes to take, if you'll pardon:

Test by test I grow (1st and 2nd line could link with removed 'I', extend to growing)
I place all my trust in God
I learn how to fly (could 'faith sprout wings to fly'?) shows

The second line is key to the poem. It's the transformative process through trust which on the third line adapts to faith and what you earn for oneself...wings to fly/learning to fly.

You can hit hard, beginning, "Trusting God I..." and you have three syllables as core of the statement left that lead into that third line reveal. It's as easy as ending "...have transformed." It is a spiritual showing that you are aiming for. It could read (and pardon again, just suggestion, perhaps helps envision):

Test by test growing
Trust in God transformed me
Faith sprouts wings to fly

The last line tells plus shows a reader, and is a great message that you've developed that I could see in your poem.

Now my intervention as reader/reviewer doesn't intend to get in the way of your expression, especially that summation. I've just dressed it up. You offer simply "I learn how to fly," which in itself is sweet. Happy to have envisioned further your work. Thank you for sharing. Oh, and I snagged this off the "read and review" link here. Your reviews of me reminded me of that note.


Brian
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear yojina Author Icon,

This poem, "Imperfections Perfection" sums up everything I've ever believed about perceptions of perfect, where it lies/hides in flaws that make something unique (a singer's raspy voice). While unique makes me think of rarified, collectible, out of reach (like a unicorn), as was the dream of finding our way back to Utopia or the Fountain of Youth. You've described it as the little things that are tied to a cozy existence and memories we cherish from life experiences that can offer those 'badges of honor'.

I find the use of listing items that could seem mundane to anyone else as revealing how each holds special value unto the holder, evidence of what we value as priceless, and can be touchstones for memory. I too have shirts I won't get rid of, or wear anymore. There are things from childhood to photos and much more, because I can be a pack rat.

As for a crooked smile, usually from one we adore. I've described my mom's happiness exhibited in an upside down frown. There is a special fondness and exuberance revealed in your writing style, and with the narrative approach, as dreamy with a pleasant quality. There was a conversational style. You definitely went free verse on this with those long lines and then shorter when listing. I feel it's flow did not obstruct the read.

Everyone should know we're not perfect and that nothing can be perfect overall, unless when thinking of a pop star, celebrity, song. I think perfect moments happen. But, if you can imagine something better, they're just ideal. And if you listen to people respond with 'perfect' after answering a question, I'm give to wonder why the catchy switch from 'great', 'awesome', 'good' as ideally fine pronouncements. Could the unspoken part of your poem allow a reader to consider why dreams of fairytale lives, rather than aiming a little lower with hope as an open door to possibility. I think a lot of people fail to perform the simplest of tasks and meet deadlines, because of perfectionism.

Yup, gives me a lot to chew on with this poem. Thank you for sharing and the inspiration this offers a reader, yojina. Love the name. Hard J, soft J, silent consonants, Swedish? I have a niece, Yessica/Jessica.

Sincerely,

Brian
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