Great work here. As far as initial personal impressions go, I prefer when poems are split into stanzas, but only because it's easier on my eyes and helps me to digest it in portions.
One thing I really enjoy is the imagery and the use of natural themes. I feel that whenever you tie a poem to nature it makes the entire message of the poem feel elemental, as if it is a foundational part of our very being. The allusions to mythology also push towards this end.
Overall, you have crafted a solid poem with a unique message. The contrast provided by of all the water themes really gives the poem a more powerful impact, capped off with the final line.
Great poem. I love the imagery of the rose and the extended metaphor works to great effect. Also I enjoy the reference to weed and the "bite becomes a meal"/"peck becomes a kiss" lines. One of your best works.
I would change the "and"s in "Weathered and lasting, Solid and coerced" and "Unpredictable and foreseeable, Individualistic and selfless" to "but" or "yet".
Overall, though, great poem - I think it shows the great turmoil that exists in all of us. I especially like the second to last stanza.
I'd say this is your best work I've read yet. I like how it is open-ended and almost dream-like in its nature. I enjoy the meter you employed and the way you balanced its open-endedness with a very cohesive format, that takes true talent. Really great work.
This piece really draws the reader in and takes them along on the journey with its great use of descriptive language and reference to multiple senses. The break in the middle made me imagine that I was stepping onto the train at this point, and the first thing I saw was the popping of the beer. The varying line lengths also add to the party atmosphere.
Great poem, really moving. I like how you intertwine the colors with the story, hinting at the story and true meaning behind all of it, but using the colors as a reference point. By taking such a unique perspective on the situation, it draws the reader in by making it seem real, as someone in such a situation of anguish would most likely only have the sensory perceptions he or she is feeling left. The circumstances are so open-ended that anyone could apply their own specific situation to it.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ringer77
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:13am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
