"Goin' Home'"as a great title for this poem. It's the story of one life and yet it is also the story of many lives. As a technical matter, I would capitalize the first word in every line. even if they are not the start of a sentence. This is a pretty classical poem, though it is not rhymed and people tend to expect that as part of the more classical style.
That was a thought provoking poem. That vision of Him is a strange one. The sentence: "Like an angel, He rose, a demon at His side" That is a disconcerting angel or deity. The image of the old, wrinkled cheek lady staring into the parking lot is also arresting. The poem has a surreal aura which draws you into it to find out what is "really" going on.
Everybody's life is interesting. The trick is to describe it in an interesting manner. I think you succeeding in doing this. I hope you have had some more positive thing happen in your life. You certainly had a most inauspicious start for your marriage. The writing is clear, a little gritty and unadorned. I think that fits very well with the nature of the story.
Pleiades sounds like an easy and interesting form that could be introduced to young students fairly easily. Kids can easily choose one word and then elaborate on it with sentences starting with the same letter. Yet your work shows it can be developed to have a sophisticated meaning. I need to find a book that has all these forms. Do you know of one?
Well, it looks like you still have a little way to go with this story. It's April 15th today and I just turned in my W-2 EZ. When your a teacher and a poet, it is pretty easy. When you don't have any significant amount of money, it makes doing your taxes a great deal easier. Perhaps you could use this idea to turn your short story into something sort of funny and ironic...if you ain't got nothin', you ain't got nothin' to lose. The story of many a poet...especially those who didn't have a good day job.
I think you are expressing the dry periods which we all experience. I have to wait for the muse and sometimes the muse goes on vacation. Other events in life get in the way. Sometimes I can use those events serve as inspiration and sometimes they seem to just envelope my mind with psychic goo that just gets in the way and clogs up my minds. Forcing myself to write every day can work...but sometimes I just can't force myself.
The poem brings back memories of nights spent in Wisconsin and Michigan during the summers of my youth. There were so many stars. I remember walking down the path next to the lake and enjoying those stars. On nights when there was a full moon I could walk along the shore almost like it was daylight in the pale blue-white light.
You spelled angel wrong in the middle of the story, you spelled it angle. Fix it please! It's in the ninth section. You should probably have someone else proofread it. Then send it out to get it published. It's an excellent story...probably should be in some printed anthology somewhere. Good work...keep it up!
Well a poem to Sol Invictus...the invicible sun. That's who Constantine honored before he converted to Christianity. I understand our little star has been rather upset since that turn of events. I enjoyed your couplets seem to lend themselves well to humorous poetry. I especially like the last staza:
"Plasmic simplicity; flaming proton -
Oh how we'll miss you some day when you're gone!"
I liked the entire piece. It created a real feeling of the Easter holiday as experienced by many of us. The last stanza was very moving and I really liked the idea that you cannot wait for life to find you...you have to go out and find the life you want.
I'm not Jewish but I sure appreciate a genuine expression of religious feeling which explains something to me. So much of the "religious" writing that I encounter on this website is a cut and paste of the Bible or some religious propaganda. Your work contrasted dramatically with that in a very positive way.
This was quite a useful aid to my reviewing. The idea that reviewing helps my writing to grow seems to be a very accurate one. Most of my work on the website has been poetry and the reviews have been interesting and encouraging. I have one poem, "Storm Song" which has seemed to bring a great deal of both praise and helpful criticism. I have come to realize that the poem is definitely a work in progress which deserves to be rewritten and revised. Other of my poems have received a lot of positive comments. I felt that most of these are finished works and that impression of mine is being confirmed. I am a poet who performs his work so I do have some ideas of which of my poems are best received by audiences. My next tasks are to put together and publish a book and to branch out and write in genres other than poetry.
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