I really liked this poem! Your word choice was great; many of them were 'out there' and really added a great touch to the piece. I also liked your use of similes, metaphors, and other figurative language to make your points without clear-cutting them. Keep writing!
I liked the background behind the story. It was an nice idea, and I think you wrote through it well. There were a few spelling errors and similar, but they would be easy to fix if you wanted. I also noticed that you dropped some commas throughout the piece; they would similarly be simple to fix, but you may want to look them over. On another note, I thought that you used good descriptions, and realistic ones, considering the background, that really brought the piece to life.
I thought your poem was very good. I enjoyed how you used repetition of the title to make a point of how everything is connected, although in some instances it seemed a bit weighty. You might try rearranging or substituting some of the words in the middle for more meaningful ones. Otherwise, the passion was great; throughout the piece, I had a mental picture of a dim, rose-colored room that slowly faded to darkness, the last lines whispered into nothing. That was the best part for me.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/redbengaltiger
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 2:09am on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
