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3 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Script Sweetie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hmmmm...I dont know if I was confused or hurdled head-first into the world of this unique girl. It is a very interesting poem, and I might say tone down the adjectives, but it may alter the poem in a way that's unfavorable to you. I like it, its just as quirky as you claim this girl's personality is. It is a bit on the long side however, you might consider shortening it, or not, its you choice of course. Anyhow, you have a very interesting wriitng style, a creative writing class would be glad to have your colorful characters in the class.

A few lines I liked...
"Wears wrapping paper
As pants
She makes tons of noise
Crinkling
Ripping
But
She is the happiest present"
= good marriage of sound and sight

"Wears an umbrella
As a shirt
She sticks out
Points everywhere
WATCH OUT"
= very clever & creative, makes a strong presence in poem

"And her hair
Half of it down to the
Middle of her spine
The other half
Is short and spiked
The long half
Is the color of the rainbow
The spiked half
Is a greasy
Shiny
Mechanic
Grey"
= This is a ridiculous hair description, luv it.

"She lets them
When they stare
She struts her stuff
OR
Does odd things
Like
Cart wheels
Screaming
At the top of her lungs
Just being
Her
Then when she is done
With the show
She goes on her merry way
Listening to
Whatever she listens to
Animal noises
I think"
= these lines made me laugh b/c they remind me of myself.

Overall consensus: Well done. My final suggestion is you continue making poems with sparkle, spunk, and personality. However, it would be nice to add a piece where you other writing side (mentioned above, strong presence) shines through. Good luck, and Happy Writing!


PS: Is this person you or someone you know?
2
2
Review by Script Sweetie Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am not sure if I would even be qualified to give you feed back if I had any, so luckly I do not. If you did want to revise this piece, the only suggestion I would have is to include even more descriptive examples of the advantages to Autism. Besides that, this is a wonderful piece. The way you decribed his fascination and delight with simple toys brought a smile to my face. He sounds like a wonderful child, someone you'd like to babysit if you could. After reading this piece, I would also like to thank you for writing something that positively reflects Autism, because the general public is lacking this view point. Through this piece you show the creativity of mothers across the world, and although I'm no where near my mothering stage (I'm 17), I can appreciate this piece. You execute a good life theme with looking on the bright side of Autism, and more people should hop on that bandwagon. Thank you for your opinions, they were delightful.
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