This is a good idea. You definitely need to do some editing. Mostly grammar type of stuff. You have several run-ons that need to be fixed. Capitalization at the beginning of sentences are rather important as well. You use "principle" when it should be "principal". Really just go over it yourself and look for whether you are using the proper word. I think I saw you use "then" when it should have been "than" somewhere in there. This is an interesting idea, just be careful about using too many ideas from Harry Potter. Edit it and keep writing. I want to know more about Prince Darryl.
This sounds interesting, but you really need to go over it for grammar mistakes because there are quite a few. It's rather distracting for someone who is a bit of a grammar nut (like me). I like the idea of seeing everything through the mother's journal, and I want to know more about Sarah. Keep writing this!
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