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Review of The Interview  Open in new Window.
Review by Rachel Radley Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
First off, I'd like to say that these are only my humble suggestions and I mean no disrespect to you as a writer :)

In the first and second paragraphs, your sentences are consistently short and choppy- which I like. It works well to set a nervous, fidgety mood and also builds the suspense. Throwing in a few longer sentences here and there, though, can help give the shorter sentences a lot more impact, and make them really stand out.

In the 2nd paragraph, the reader gets to "meet" the two interviewers and I'm sure you've heard this before, but keep in mind you should aim to "show not tell". Instead of simply giving a description of the pair, give them an action that reveals part of their appearance. For example, you could say something like, "the fluorescent lights bounced off the man's hairless head" or "the woman brushed a curly ringlet behind her ear with one hand and flicked an invisible piece of lint off her salmon suit with the other." It's harder to get in as much description this way, but it will keep the reader more invested in your story.

I really liked the 3rd paragraph, you had a lot of great phrases there that gave a more in depth look at the main character in just a few sentences. Little details like "education was solid...work history was spotty" can really make a character come to life, which you certainly accomplished while still maintaining a certain amount of suspense.

And finally, the twist at the end was great. Perfect plot twists should make the reader rethink everything they've just read, and you definitely did that. You made it believable, but still surprising which is a difficult task to accomplish.

Overall, I really enjoyed this story! Keep up the good work :)
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