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1
1
Review of Breath  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I read your poem "Breath" in your porfolio. The title drew me in to read it. It also adds to your poem. I found it to be creative, and liked your input.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
All poems should have a rhythm, sound and meaning - even free verse. The repetition of breathe, breath, breathing and the double spaced lines help do that.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no errors that would hurt your poem. The way you placed it on the page helped the flow. I read it several times and each time I liked it better.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The ending lines give it a strong finish. I will breathe mindfully the rest of the day now.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem. Well done.


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2
2
Review of Anna  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I always like your subject and content. When I read Anna it made me think, not always a good thing. Then I remembered Anna in Luke - the lady who never left the temple. The title adds to your poem because few know who she was - a prophetess.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The form is free form. After reading it over and over I realized something. Even Free Form needs to retain a rhythm and sonority (sound) like music.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no errors that hurt your poem.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The final line is no doubt how she felt and takes your poem full circle.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
First, I would not change a lot in your poem. To retain a rhythm and sound I suggest use shorter lines or change it to prose poetry.


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3
3
Review of David  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
You picked a hard subject because he has been written about a lot. The opening lines are a good way to open the poem. The title is appropriate.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I like the consistent rhyme scheme on the first and last line on each stanza. I also thought that internal rhymes would have given it action verbs and allowed the poem to be tightened. EX. "taking his duties to heart" eliminates the need for "who" and adds an internal rhyme. Every poem needs to retain rhythm and sonority (sound) characteristics (like music).

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The five-line stanzas worked well and looks good. Pronouns referring back to the Lord need to be capitalized.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines take the poem full circle. I enjoyed reading your poem, and I know it has a lot of thought behind it.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
My only suggestion is to tighten the poem by using action verbs.


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4
4
Review of Good Life  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
Great title. It not only adds to your poem but sets the tone. The opening line is a good way to start the poem. My first impression was all positive.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I love the imagery and how it is used with the sound of the vocabulary, line breaks and punctuation. They all worked together well which made it show vs tell.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no errors that hurt your poem. The placement on page makes it inviting.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is the result and takes your poem full circle. A great way to end your poem. It is what I was looking for.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.

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5
5
Review of Psalm  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
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*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title adds to your piece because it is not repeated, especially in the first line. The opening line set the tone that is kept throughout the poem.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The choices of vocabulary, line breaks and punctuation are all so tightly interwoven that they can hardly be considered separately. The poem needs to be read aloud again and again to make the best choices. The "sound" of poetry is fundamental. Although it is not stated, I assume your poem is free verse.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no mechanical errors that hurt your poem.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines kept the tone that was kept throughout. There is a lot in this poem. It is always more difficult to write about something that has been written about for eons.


*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
If I told someone I was happy, they would need to take me at my word. However, if I gave them all of my symptoms, they would discover I was happy for themselves. That is show vs tell. I believe every poem needs to leave something for the reader to discover. Poetry devices used correctly will do that.


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6
6
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. I like the way the poem progresses after the opening line. It explains (shows) why you chose the opening line.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I am not sure what the form is meant to be. If it is free verse, the inconsistent rhyme scheme is the author's choice. I did not have a problem with the flow.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no errors in the mechanics that hurt your poem. Indenting the second line worked well.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines are a great way to end your poem. It put an exclamation point on your poem.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I did think your poem could be tightened a little without hurting the poem. One example is line five:'And the only reason I'm able to go on.' Both "And" and "only" are not needed.

You're the nourisher of my soul,
The reason I'm able to go on.

There is a reason the form, line count and word count are in the rules. I love this poem, by the way.



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7
7
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line sets the tone for the poem.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I thought the images and similes (ex: line two) worked well in this poem. Although free verse, the couplets/stanzas made it easy to read and slowed down he reader.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no mechanical errors that hurt your poem. Placement on page makes it inviting to read.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing couplet is a good way to end the poem. It keeps the same tone throughout. I am a believer that a poem should leave something for the reader to discover for him/herself. If I said I was happy, you would need to take my word for it. If I described how I felt, you would discover I was happy. What I discovered in the closing couplet was your faith. Faith that God would do what He promised.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem. I thought it was well written and keeping it a free verse allowed your images to work for you.

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8
8
Review of Mathematics  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
DISCLAIMER:
Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title made me curious and drew me in. My first impression was the author looking at God's creation through the eyes of science. The opening line made it personal.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The rhyme scheme in each couplet worked well in this poem, as did the stanzas. The form adds to the poetry devices. The images leave a lot for the reader to discover.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no problem with the mechanics and the poem had a good flow. The placement on the page worked well. It made your poem inviting to read.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
I like the closing lines bringing the poem back to something personal, like the opening line. It was a good way to end the poem. One of the many ways we know earth was created and not evolved is in the creation itself. Your poem did an excellent job in bringing this out.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.



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9
9
Review of The Basin  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line establishes the tone.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
This is a good example of a well written poem without rhymes. The specific image details are very good.
I had no problem with the scansion of flow and rhythm. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line breaks seem right.
I doubt this poem could be tightened without hurting it.
I found no errors.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem with a strong finish.
I gotta admit my favorite line is the fourth - "Now chipped and scratched."

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
1,000 GP's have been added to this review for your entry.

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MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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10
10
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line reminds me of "verily verily" in the King James Bible.
It beckons one to pay closer attention.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I liked the texture of sound in this poem.
I found no odd word choices. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The diction is consistent.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line breaks seem right. I found no errors that hurt your poem.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is right for ending the poem. It's not artificial or overwritten.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
1,000 GP's have been added to this review for your entry.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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11
11
for entry "Holy Thursday Tanka" Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The opening line The openinmg line establishes the tone.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm and flow.
I found no odd word choices. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line bnreaks seem right. I like to see the left-handed caps consistent, either all caps or not.
When I don't use all capital letters, I indent the line that's different.
The second line in the second stanza has eight syllables instead of seven.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is a good way to end the poem.
I thought more active verbs would give you a stronger poem (ie washing - breaking - sharing - asking, etc.)

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no other suggestions for this fine poem.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
Included with this review are 1,000 GP's for your entry.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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12
12
Review of We Write Together  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
Your poem is personal, but rises above the individual and becomes more widely relevant.
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem.
The opening line establishes the tone.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The specific image details are good. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm and flow.
The "texture" of sound adds meaning behind the words.
The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I find no errors. No punctuation works well with this poem.
The line breaks seem right. At my first reading I thought a dash before "I am freed" would be needed.
I would consider using one if it was a longer poem, but it is fine as is.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is a good way to end your poem.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work. 1,000 GP's are added to this review for your entry.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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13
13
Review of Life And Liberty  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and adds to your poem. The first line establishes the tone that is kept throughout the poem.
I liked the encouragement given to spread the "good news" (gospel) abroad.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm or flow.
The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
This poem worked well without punctuation, however, I suggest you replace the commas with a dash.
This not only eliminates punctuation for the reader, but put's an emphasis on what follows.
I like your being consistent on the first letter of each line - all caps.
I found a couple typos. Earths to earth's. Because "Hid" is capitalized, I assume it is referring to Jesus and needs to be changed to His. In line 5 HIs to his.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is a good way to end the poem.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no other suggestions for this fine poem.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.
Included are 1,000 GP's for your entry - and patience.

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MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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14
14
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*FlagR* Disclaimer:
         Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.These are my thoughts on senryu, sometimes compared with haiku. I will hold "most" of my impressions and suggestions with your senryu until "Overall Impression" at the end.
*FlagB* A Title:
         Most haiku are untitled; a successful haiku usually speaks for itself. Senryu is titled.

*FlagBl* Too Much Punctuation:
         Avoid periods. Both haiku and senryu are one moment in a continuum; a period often destroys that illusion (so may beginning with a capital letter). Other punctuation: the average haiku and senryu has one break in thought or continuity, usually at the end of line 1 or 2 (sometimes, the middle of line 2). If punctuated at all, it is usually with a colon, dash or ellipsis. An occasional dash or ellipsis may provide emphasis either before of after the final word (or phrase). In general, shy away from punctuation unless you are sure of its benefit.

*FlagBr* The Telegram Effect:
         Compress, but be sure the omission of words (especially the articles a, an & the) doesn't chop it into ungainly pieces.

*FlagG* Lifeless Verbs:
         The is & have families result in pictureless & actionless verses. Use action verbs instead.

*FlagGr* Past or Future Tense:
         Haiku and senryu usually happen now. Past & future tenses remove us from the action & often use more words ' weak ones like has, have, will.

*FlagO* Adjectives and Adverbs:
         Use sparingly. Look for ones made from noun or verb roots. Avoid very, much, any, many, few, & all-inclusive words like every, all, always, never, everyone.

*FlagW* 'I':
         Overuse of 1st person pronouns ' It's more risky in haiku than in senryu because senryu deals with humans. Put emphasis on the person with senryu, and on the image with haiku.

*FlagP* Padding:
         Don't throw in words just to conform to a 5-7-5 or other imagined pattern. Either revise to find 17 strong, useful syllables or go for a shorter verse.

*FlagV* Redundancy:
         One season word is enough: 'Spring blossoms' is redundant: both identify season. Let strong words do their job: 'pavement wet with rain' is redundant.

*FlagW* Abstractions:
         Not Supported by Concrete Imagery? Let imagery suggest the point; don't state it baldly.

*FlagY* Overall Impression:
Senryu are titled - no caps - they capture a moment in time - no punctuation.
Suggestion: Use the present tense and active verbs:

memory moment
measuring mortality
capturing my soul


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15
15
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
Great subject. The Bible brings out both the good and bad with Bible characters. The title is both appropriate and adds to your poem. Writing the poem being in Michal's (MEE-cal) shoes gives you a stronger poem.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The specific image details are very well done. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm or flow. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate. I found no odd word choices.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no errors, but one typo in the forth line. A period instead of a comma. The line breaks seem right.
I doubt if you could tighten the poem without hurting it.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines are a good way to end the poem. It's not overwritten or artificial. It's also the way Michal felt - bitter.
It is refreshing to read a poem that is showing more than telling - especially on the Scriptures.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no suggestions for this fine poem. I enjoyed reading it.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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16
16
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate, but does not add to the poem. It steals the thunder from the opening and closing lines (JMHO).
My first impression was a Pantoum perfectly written.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I thought the form was well written. There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm or flow. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate. The totality of tone is consistent.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I found no errors with the mechanics that hurt your poem. The line breaks seem right.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The opening/closing line worked well for the Pantoum form. I've been going back through many of my poems using silent characters - even personification - to eliminate telling vs showing. The reader needs something to discover for him/herself.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no other suggestions for this fine poem.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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17
17
Review of Barabbas  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I really like the subject and the way it is written. The title is appropriate. The opening line establishes the tone that is kept throughout the poem. My first impression was "finally" a poem about Barabbas.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with scansion of rhythm or flow. It reads almost like a list poem.
I found no odd word choices.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I like this poem without punctuation, however, the commas create a need for it.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing line is a good way to end the poem. It worked well on each stanza.
What puzzles me most is the low ratings that show on your reviews.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
The only thing that hurts this poem is partial punctuation - the overuse of commas.
My suggestion is to use the colons, dashes instead of commas, and/or elippses. They do not require other punctuation.
This is the only thing that keeps it from being a 5.0.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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18
18
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
This is a subject few stop to think about. The title is appropriate for the poem and adds to it. The opening line draws the reader into the poem.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
I thought the lack of "specific image details" and other poetry "sight" devices leaves little for the reader to discover.
I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate. I found no odd word choices.
The totality of tone is consistent.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line breaks seem right. Partial punctuation hurts your poem. My suggestion is to use dashes and/or ellipses instead of commas.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines are a good way to end the poem. It isn't overwritten or artificial.
I thought your poem could be tightened by removing unneeded words - general and/or abstract words.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I do like the subject matter. I suggest writing it in a way that is more showing than telling.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.

Food for thought: Malachi was written after the completion of the Temple in 516 B.C. (MAL. 1:7,10; 3:1)
During the Persian rule (pehah in 1:8 is Persian for "governor.")
Nehemiah was back in Babylon - so he didn't write it.

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19
19
Review of A Son of Thunder  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I always liked that title for John. It is appropriate for your poem. The opening line continues to set the tone that is kept throughout.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with scansion of rhythm and flow.
The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices. The syntax is appropriate.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line breaks seem right. To remain consistent I suggest you cap the third line.
A dash after Apostle will eliminate overusing commas and put an emphasis on what follows.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines are very good and a perfect way to end your poem. It is not overwritten or artificial.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I suggest you make this poem into a longer one by developing each line a little more.
The reader needs to discover something for him/herself. As for a short poem - I love it.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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20
20
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate and adds to the poem. It is refreshing reading about a different character and subject - with a new perspective.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices.
The syntax is appropriate. The tone was consistent throughout the poem.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The line breaks seem right. I thought not using punctuation in this poem was wise - it worked well for you.
I like to see the caps beginning each line consistent - either all capitals, no caps or indent the uncapped lines.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The closing lines seem right for ending the poem. It isn't artificial or overwritten.
I thought the lack of poetry devices is the only thing that hurts your poem. Instead of "baldly" stating something, poetry needs to allow the reader
to "discover" things on his/her own - from the word pictures that are painted.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no other suggestions for this fine poem.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work. Included are 1000 GP's for your entry.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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21
21
Review of Feast of Cana  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
The title is appropriate. The opening line draws the reader and creates curiosity.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of rhythm and flow. The diction is consistent.
The syntax is appropriate. I found no odd word choices. The totality of tone is consistent.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
In the last line, your sentence contains a series of three or more words, phrases, or clauses. Consider inserting a comma to separate the elements.
The line breaks seem right.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The last lines seem right for ending the poem. I look for consistency. The capitals on the left are not consistent (see suggestions).
I thought a few parts could be developed more - to leave the reader something to discover for him/herself.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
When I do not be consistent with the capitals, I like to indent the line not capitalized. This is only my opinion.
I have no other suggestions for this fine poem.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work. 1,000 GP's has been added for your entry.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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22
22
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
Your poem shows a different perspective, which is needed on something that has been written about many times.
The title is appropriate. The dash in the title and opening line adds a lot to both.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
There are enough specific image details. I had no problem with the scansion of flow.
The diction is consistent. The syntax is appropriate. I found no odd word choices.
The totality of tone is consistent and positive. I picture it after Gen. 3:21.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
The final line should be consistent with the title and the first line - using the dash.
Typo with the opening line in the third stanza. (Redemtion to Redemption).
"all" is not needed in the first stanza.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
I thought the closing lines worked well for you. Also, I liked the fact that the author put himself on the scene, and in Adam's shoes.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no more suggestions for this fine poem.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work.

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23
23
Review of Zechariah 2:8  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
What a great Ovillejo poem (my first impression). The title is appropriate and adds to the poem. Opening with a question works well.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
Your poem is well written and the form is correct. It's refreshing to read a poem that is positive.
The rhyming seems natural and not forced.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I suggest you replace the three commas with dashes to remain consistent w/o punctuation.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
The final stanza is perfect for ending the poem.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
I have no other suggestions for this fine poem. In a 1-5 rating, I would give you a six - except for the punctuation in the final two lines.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work. 1000 GP's are included in this review for your entry.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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24
24
Review of CHRIST!  Open in new Window.
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
DISCLAIMER:
This is only a review to help me judge the contests. Please use only what is helpful, and send the rest into cyberspace.

*CoffeeBl* SUBJECT - OPENING - FIRST IMPRESSION:
I like both the refreshing perspective and saying a lot in a few words. The title is appropriate. The opening line sets the tone.

*CoffeeB* POETRY DEVICES - FORM:
The simile worked well in this free verse form.

*CoffeeR* MECHANICS - PLACEMENT ON PAGE:
I don't see a need for the comma after "frost." The line breaks seem right. The diction is consistent. I found no odd word choices.

*CoffeeO* CLOSURE - GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:
I love the closing. Short poems are better with a strong finish.

*CoffeeT* SUGGESTIONS:
"All" is not needed in the 5th line. I would omit "That is" in the 6th line and put a dash after heart. The dash will emphasize what follows.

Thank you for entering the contest, and allowing me to review your work. I enclosed 1000 GP's with this review for your entry.

WING YOUR WORDS WITH FIRE
MAKE TOUCHING ETERNITY YOUR DESIRE


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25
25
Review by Quihadi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Disclaimer:
I'm only an author like you. Hopefully, you will take only what is helpful and send the rest into cyberspace.

Subject:
I liked the perspective used. You are talking to Abraham as though he were with you.
On things that have been written about over and over one needs a new perspective.

Opening:
The title is appropriate and adds to the poem.

Sight Devices:
The specific image details worked well.

Sound Devices:
I had no problems with the scansion of rhythm and flow.

Sense Devices:
See General Observations and Suggestions.

Closure:
In the first nine lines, the poet is talking to Abraham. In the next two lines, the poet is talking about Abraham. In the closing line, it goes back to the first nine lines.
"Him" should be changed to "you" to remain consistent.

Placement On Page:
The line breaks seem right.

General Observations & Suggestions:
I believe your poem could be tightened by using more active verbs and omitting unneeded words.
Line one: Your poem talks to Abraham as though he were alive (and he is). To give you a stronger poem I suggest you use active verbs. "God loves you."
Follow line one with an end stop (period). The overuse of commas we picked up from traditional poets.
Line two: "You were" is not needed. If "seed" is singular "many" should be changed too much. If left as is "seed" should be plural (seeds). An end stop is needed.
The next three lines: trying, giving and going omitting "You" - "Would" and "As you went."

Your poem is worth making the changes - I think it's a keeper. Thank you for entering the contest and allowing me to review it.
1000 GP's are added with this review for your entry.

Quihadi


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