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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/quark_quasar
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9 Public Reviews Given
19 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Seance  Open in new Window.
Review by BlankenQuasar Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
mispelled words: 'accross' should be 'across', 'constition' should be 'constitution.', 'powerfull' should be 'powerful'
pretty good as far as apoclyptic fiction or prophecy goes. I'd like to have been at that seance and the priests' parties. Angels as villains are devils and demons in my opinion though the contrast could be developed into something of a twist on heavenly goings-on.
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Review of Mongoose  Open in new Window.
Review by BlankenQuasar Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
awkward construction of sentences towards end of first paragraph
reads like a wordy Victorian story by Helena Blavatsky only without all the real life paranormal.

Misspelled words: 'though' should be 'through', around 8th paragraph
'them' should be 'their' around 4th paragraph

'“Okay, playtime’s over.” That voice, I thought again, still in a paroxysm of rage'

Unclear modifier: Is it the 'voice' raging or the ' I ' raging? Add a line or split into two sentences.
The form of a long letter is interesting and creative. It strains somewhat the verisimilitude by including dialogue. Overall good art and well done.
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