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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/puppetmaster84/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
Review Requests: ON
217 Public Reviews Given
227 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will say what I liked about your piece and if I have any suggestions for improvement. My reviews are usually short, sweet and to the point. I prefer to review short stories but will look at poetry if asked to.
I'm good at...
finding mistakes with grammar/punctuation. Also I can let you know if your plot is effective.
Favorite Genres
Religious, romance, sci-fi, fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
erotica,sports
Favorite Item Types
Statics - short stories
I will not review...
anything overly sexual or violent, anything anti-Christian
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 5 -6- ... Next
126
126
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Marvelous Friend, PM here to review your entry.

It's cute. I like it. My one critique is that it tends to tell rather than show in a couple places. Where it says, "This was her 3rd treatment, and she wasn’t looking forward to it." Instead of saying she wasn't looking forward to it you could show her doing/saying something that shows how she feels.

Otherwise, I think it's good. Good luck in the contest.

~ PM
127
127
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Beholden, PM here to review your entry.

Your father sounds like a very interesting and accomplished man. Nice tribute to him.

Good luck in the contest.

PM
128
128
Review of Thank you God  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, PM here to review your entry.

I like this. I haven't heard about it before but I appreciate you sharing it. I may give it a try. Thank you for educating me.

No errors and reads well.

Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest.

~ PM
129
129
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ben Rankin, PM here to review your poem.

I like it. The rhythm seems pretty good, and as a fellow Christian I love the message. I also like that while it is a poem, it tells a story.

The only thing I would criticize is that the rhyme scheme isn't completely consistent. But that's a minor thing to me.

Overall, I think it's great. Keep writing.

PM
130
130
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Geoff, PM here to review your story.

I like it. Being a puppeteer your intro drew me in. The end is quite touching. It could be expanded into a longer story if you wanted to do that.

~ PM
131
131
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, PM here to review your contest entry.

I think it's funny and cool. I wish you luck in the contest and would not be surprised if you win.

PM
132
132
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, welcome to W.com! PM here to review your story.

This is a great story to teach to kids. I am familiar with it and have done a puppet show of it.

The simple sentence structure and diction is good for a children's story.

A problem is that the fox's gender is inconsistent. You start off referring to it as female, then you refer to it as "he". It doesn't matter which gender you use as long as it is consistent.

The last sentence in the second paragraph could be omitted. The fox says, "Won't you listen to me?" whereas in the original story the fox is asking to listen to the crow so he will open his beak and drop the crumb. Also, after "me" you should have a closing quotation mark if you decide to keep the sentence.

I hope this helps and that you enjoy the community!

~ PM
133
133
Rated: E | (5.0)
Such a beautiful tribute. I am sorry for your loss. ~ PM
134
134
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, PM here to return the favor of a good review. This is a beautiful testimony. You have done a great job of summarizing the Christian faith, of which I am a fellow believer. I learned that He had 12 disciples instead of 13. May God bless you, my sister in Christ. ~ PM
135
135
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, PM here to return the favor of a review. This is interesting, and a good start to your novel.

Being a photography major your title drew me in. I was expecting there to be more content about actually photographing the Wyvern. Maybe you touch on this in later installments?

My only edit would be this sentence:

"The monster I'm going on a road trip with my 2 closest friends to hunt."

This seems like a sentence fragment to me. I would suggest:

"This is the monster I'm going on a road trip with my 2 closest friends to hunt."

However, this is consistent with the voice your character uses so I understand if you'd prefer to leave it as is. I do like her lifelike diction.

You are off to a good start. I wish you the best with your novel.

~ PM
136
136
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is beautiful. As a fellow Christian I love the message. I felt this was something God wanted me to read. I like that you have some rhyme going on but I would make the rhyme pattern/rythm a little more consistent. Still good work, though.

~ PM
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