I really enjoyed that story! The introduction was fantastic, and the events kept me captivated throughout the whole text. It's very well written, the only suggestion I could make would be that in the last paragraph of part one, you say Oliva a lot. Maybe you could use 'she' for some of them if you wanted to change it, but it's so minor change is probably not necessary.
Thank-you for writing this, it was a great story :)
Dayna.
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