I liked your introduction which follows the common lines of story telling and gives good although brief descriptions of the main characters.
I feel that the opening of the story needs quite a bit of editing and possibly adding of more to it to 'beef it up'.
Overall, it can develop in to something quite wonderful.
Well done!
P.s If you'd like to view any of my works please feel free to visit my portfolio.
The descriptions at the beginning of this peice were a little clouded, as i couldn't understand where the story was taking place or what exactly was going on. Also, i found that your style of writng is something i'm not used to. However, it was interesting and informative.
Well done!
P.s If you'd like to view any of my works please feel free to visit my portfolio.
The best story i've read so far on Writing.com. I really enjoyed it and will add it to my favourites if possible. A great way to tell a love story with some fantasy thrown in. I thoroughly liked this story.
I liked this short story, it could even be the start of a novel as i felt that the story ended well but could also leave more to the imagination without feeling unsatisfied. the main character was introduced well so i had a good understanding of her throughout the piece.
this was quite realistic and also enjoyable.
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