Great flash fiction. I was surprised at how quickly I was drawn into your story. You were skillful in making me see a setting withoug a lot of description. It was a fun read. Congrats on winning.
Hey George: This is not so much a review as a note to tell you that after reading "The Trial" I read "Mom's Chocolate Cake" and enjoyed that also. When time permits I intend to read the rest of your postings. I find them very charming and well written. I like your easygoing writing style..
I really smiled when reading this especially because I think I unwittingly make my husband feel this way sometimes. It gave me a good insight into what it might feel like on the other side of my wifely concern, and the fact that it accomplished this humorously made the insight a bit less painful.
I thought you moved the action along well and especially liked the description of the removal of the cell phone from the charger.
I enjoyed your dialogue and found it whimsical and really on topic for the contest. I felt that your phrasing carried the "story." I suppose for the contest there could have had more conflict/resolution but I think you did a nice job of carrying the action through.
Very interesting poem. I like that it can be taken as personal, but really I feel it does seem more strongly political. I felt that you used good descriptive language that helped me to see what you were seeing.
In the second line of the second stanza I wonder if you could eliminate the first "past" and add "your" in its place. You still get the rhythm you are going for. "A semblance of your glory long past," Just a thought.
I am a newbie also and enjoy reading items in our category.
Your piece has an almost poetic feel to it At the beginning when you are describing the darkness you were effective in making me feel lost too. The sentence "Believing that all that could happen....." could perhaps been left out making the above two sentences stronger.
I liked how the action progressed through to finding the light.
Well, first off congratulations for winning this contest.
The first thing I realized as I read through the story was that I was not noticing the writing, and to me that is always a good thing. The story flowed smoothly covering the many years of friendship.
I hesitate to offer any suggestions because it was so good, but perhaps a little more information about why the two girls were such soul sisters. I definitely understand the bond the horses made, but may just a bit more about what else "clicked" for them.
This article was one that I really, really liked a lot!!!!! I think these (kind of articles) are helpful to new writers: Those just beginning. When I saw th topic I said "Wow, omg"! that's for me. Please keep writing these helpful, thoughtul, instructional, educational, informational pieces. I look forward to reading more; in the future.
Wow. Your story is very compelling and also very well written. The writting flows from beginning to end. This especially touched me because just this week my 8-year-old great niece, who is bi-racial was told by a girl at school that her parents didn't want to play with my niece because she was black. When will this nonsense stop?
Thank you for your story. In my opinion it is completely ready to be sold and published.
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