Unwritten Insanity's (poohbear44833) Reviews

Unwritten Insanity

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75 Public Reviews Given

75 Total Reviews Given

1

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#3711082

Review of Mephistophelean

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (2.0)

Hello nanausakidesu

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Review.

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating:
2, I liked your poem but also think there are things could be improved. If you choose to make any changes, I would be happy to come back and take another look. Just let me know. :)

Impression of Title:
This is certainly intriguing, and what made me take notice of the poem. However, I was curious to see an explanation for it when I clicked on the poem, and was disappointed not to find one. I had to go look it up and was glad to see that it did fit the poem. I am not saying I think you should change the title, just that a little description afterwards might help, or even a direct sentence in the poem relating your poem's topic and the title's topic.

My thoughts:
I like how you chose to express you thoughts on this topic, but I think there are a number of things you could improve to bring this poem to full potential. I also enjoyed your descriptions and how you compare real-life to myth.

Flow/Rhythm:
I believe this is shaky, at best. You do not have much consistency, nor do you use any common poetic devices. Something that stands out to me is your repeated stanza, which is normally a good thing, except that you do not keep it consistent from the first one to the second one. You have a different syllable for each one due to changing the last line. I have seen repeated stanzas that change the last lines so they are different but still compliment each other, and I feel like you did not do this either.

I also have another comment on your repeated stanzas- the ellipses (...). These throw me off when reading this piece. They both ruin any possible flow. The first stanza could be easily fixed by ending it on 'learning,' with a period instead of ellipses. The second one would be a bit harder, I am not sure in what ways you could adjust it.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
You did good on this, you held it mostly consistent throughout, which as I have said is very important poetry. The only places I think could see improvement is your first and fifth stanzas, where you have capitals and ellipses but no inner punctuation. I suggest turning the punctuation in this:

'Little by little
As time passes by
I am learning the...'

into something like this:
Little by little,
as time passes by,
I am learning the...

And then doing something similar with the fifth stanza if you decide to make changes.

Suggestions:
Those above, of course, as well as a few more.

You use a lot of adverbs/adjectives, and I think this actually takes away from the intensity of your poem. You do not need description words if your base word is strong enough, and in poetry you should also strive to use strong word the first time around. Your second, third, and fourth stanzas could all be improved in this manner. An example: Turn 'Trickster behind the innocent looks...' into Trickster behind the innocence, or even Tricks behind the innocence. If you choose to use this suggestion, I would ask that you do something similar to the following two stanzas so you create a nice flow and of course consistency.

Also, I think a similar issue exists with your sixth, seventh, and eighth stanzas. You use extra words like 'you' a lot, even though your subject is already established. This again takes away from the impact of the poem. Example: Turn 'Learn to despise you' into Learn to despise. Don't forget to do this to the other two stanzas if you use this suggestion.

And finally, I do not think I fully understand the last lines of your last three stanzas. Take '...than live the world you made me to cry' for example. What does 'live the world' mean? Live in the world? I also get confused on what you mean by 'the world you made me to cry.' I think this is due to an awkward phrasing as well as your passive voice (which is created by using the 'to'). I am not sure of the possibilities there are to go about editing this, but I do hope you will think on it.

Overall:
A poem with amazing potential that I truly hope to see reached! I would also love to see your potential as a poet reached, and that is my main goal in writing this review- to help you learn and succeed. Please consider my comments with an open mind and feel free to disregard any you do not agree with. If you have any questions, I would love to hear from you and be glad to help in any way.

Love, Life, and Covens

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2

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#3706774

Review of In Me, a Mother

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (3.0)

Hello, winklett

!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating:
3, I see some areas for improvement, but if you make any edits feel free to ask me to re-rate. I would be happy to!

Impression of Title:
Interesting, it is what made me open your poem. Always a good thing! :D

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
I do not see any, which is great! It is rare that I find things I do not think need a grammar edit, especially online. Good job!

My thoughts:
I love the emotions expressed here. I especially like your use of figurative language, it paints a very strong picture. I also like your structure. I had to think about this a bit, but I like what how it separates the stanzas.

Flow/Rhythm:
This is were I have to make a suggestion- I think your poem would flow a lot better without the adverbs. You do not have much of a rhythm with this, but I think that is okay because it still fits alright with your words/structure.

Suggestions:
Only that above, and maybe making your format a little more reader-friendly. This is difficult to do, I know, especially online, but really it could be fixed by enlarging the font one point or so and finding a less-strict font, such as Comic or Verdana.

Overall:
A good poem worthy of being read. :) I am happy that you shared it with us and that I was lucky enough to find it.

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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3

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#3706771

Review of Birthmother

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating:
3. I think this piece could use a little work, as I will mention below, but I will be happy to re-rate if you make any changes. Just let me know! :)

Impression of Title:
This was interesting enough that I had to pay it attention, unlike most pieces I see around here. Since a good chunk of mothers would not have to phrase something in such a way, I knew immediately, 'adoption... has to be a story behind it... let's read!'

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
My biggest issue here is your grammar. You implement some punctuation, what with the dash and the question mark, and you also use capitalization. I would recommend inserting commas and periods the same way you would in a story so that you have consistency. I understand that all poetry and all poets have a different idea of grammatics in poetry, which is perfectly fine, but common rule of thumb is consistency.

My thoughts:
I like your subject here, your choice of words. I think both the matters discussed above and below take away from the potential you have with this poem, however.

Flow/Rhythm:
I like your flow, as I said above your wording is nice. :)

Suggestions:
Besides those above, I would ask that you make your poem more reader-friendly, and by that I mean format-wise. This is pretty simple. I suggest increasing your font size by a point or two, changing your font to something a little less-strict, i.e. Comic or Verdana, and maybe centering the entire thing. If you feel like getting fancy, you can make your title pop a little bit by making it different from the body, by changing the font, size, or color, or any combination of the three.

Overall:
A poem with good potential that I would love to see reached. Please keep writing!

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Proud Member of the Writer's Encouragement Group

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4

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#3706769

Review of Mother's Day, 2007

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello Sherri!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating:
4. I have to give it to you, this poem has emotion. It is obviously close to the heart- and that means more than perfect writing.

Impression of Title:
I have to say... not what got me interested. I realize with a poem like this, you probably are not trying for a load of readers, as it is a personal poem, but I think a nice title would be good.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
Nice, nice. I believe there are no 'real' or 'common' rules for grammar in poetry, so my rule of thumb, especially when reviewing, is as long as it is consistent, it is good. You do great with this. :)

My thoughts:
I love this poem! I love the emotion and obviously close-to-your-heart tone. Great job.

Flow/Rhythm:
Great! You have an obvious rhythm and that truly adds to the content.

Suggestions:
My only suggestion is you take a look at your images. I am so happy to see that you formatted and really tried to bring alive your piece, but your images look as if they are shoved onto the page instead of displayed pointedly and neatly. Maybe get rid of one or two? I like them all, but my two favorites are the Broken Angel and Angel gif. Also, the image you tried to link after the poem does not show up.

Overall:
A great poem that I am so glad you wrote and shared with us!

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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5

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#3639741

Review of Life Still Goes On

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello Itchy Water~fictionandverse

!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My rating:
3. I would be happy to re-rate/review if you make changes, all you have to do is ask! :)

Impression of Title/Summary:
Title: While it fits well with the poem I would say that it is a bit overused, and I fail to see why it is in caps.
Summary: Simple and effect I think.

Spelling, Grammar, and Tech Issues:
As everyone uses different punctuation for poetry, you have no real issues, but I wonder why you used no punctuation at all. I feel it looks a bit unpolished with none... If you feel you do not want to add whole lot, you could try simply adding a period to the end of each stanza. I think this would be a good improvement.

My Thoughts on the Characters:
-----------------------------------------------------------

My Thoughts on the Plot:
-----------------------------------------------------------

Flow/Rhythm:
I loved it! The words fit to it immediately, and it shows a great enhancement and strengthening of them.

What I Liked:
I love your flow, your message and how very well you conveyed it!

Suggestions:
Take the all-capitals out of the title; adjust the poem's grammar; maybe center it? That is completely up to you as some poems look better in certain formats than others and even then it varies greatly by each person's opinion.

Overall:
A great poem that needs a little polishing. I am so glad you shared with the world and that I had a chance to read! Thank you!

Happy Holidays and on !

Nicole

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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6

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#3639733

Review of In Pleasure's Service

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (2.0)

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Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon

!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My rating:

2. I would be more than happy to come back and re-rate/review if you make changes, just let me know! :)

Impression of Title/Summary:

I like both of these a lot. Simple, to the point, but not cliche.

Spelling, Grammar, and Tech Issues:

I first have to point out that you change tenses. The first and second sentences are in past tense and the rest is in present tense.
Second, Dream like should be Dream-like.

My Thoughts on the Characters:

With a short story I understand that character development is hard and often limited even for the best of characters, but all we really see here, of a woman who's name we do not even know, is that she is submissive. While there is nothing wrong with this, I find it hard to connect with her in any way because I see no other traits.

My Thoughts on the Plot:

I'm sorry because I know this will sound harsh but I see no plot. What you have seems to be a great beginning, but you have no plot, no arc, and barely a character.

Flow/Rhythm:

---------------------------------------------------------

What I Liked:

I like what you have so far but as I said, it seems more of a beginning than an actual story.

Suggestions:

Only those above.

Overall:

A great start I am sad to see not finished...

Happy Holidays and on !

Nicole

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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7

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#3637604

Review of I Still Love You

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (3.0)

Hello Kactus Berry

!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My rating:
3, I love it, just think it could use a little tweaking. As always, I would be more than happy to re-rate, just let me know. =)

Impression of Title/Summary:
Normally, I would point out that this is fairly simple and a bit overused, but since your poem is based off it, I think it works just fine.

Spelling, Gramma
r, and Tech Issues:
None, again, great job!

My Thoughts on the Characters:
--------------------

My Thoughts on the Plot:
--------------------

Flow/Rhythm:
This is nice, but a little complicated. Your lines make it a bit hard to see as actual poetry, and the flow is harder to follow because of the long length of some of the lines.

What I Liked:
I liked it all mostly, your style, your message, etc.

Suggestions:
Those above, and also, I am not sure if it was you or someone else that I have already suggested this to... but you need to make your item format a little more reader friendly. Change the font maybe, definitely enlarge the size, say 3.5 is what usually works for me.

Overall:
An amazing piece that I am so happy you shared with us!
Happy Holidays and on !

Nicole

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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8

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#3635877

Review of For I See

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My rating:
4, this is a great poem!

Impression of Title/Summary:
I like your title, not so much your summary/by-line. It just made me picture something other than what you show in your poem.

Spelling, Grammar, and Tech Issues:
I saw none, a rarity these days. Great job!

My Thoughts on the Characters:
---------------

My Thoughts on the Plot:
---------------

Flow/Rhythm:\
I love it! Your poem form is amazing, and you said it was free verse which reminded me of something someone told me the other day. They said, 'Even in free verse, there are rules -rules that which the poet makes up, and conforms to.' You had amazing consistency in the way you set up your poem and that is a great thing.

What I Liked:
I liked it all! I liked your subject, the picture which you portrayed, your style!

Suggestions:
Not an error, just a suggestion, change your item-formatting to make it a little more reader-friendly.

Overall:
An amazing poem that is rare to see in today's world and that I am very happy you shared with us!

Happy Holidays and on !

Nicole

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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9

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#3635863

Review of Secrets

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (2.5)

Hello AngelVixxen: TY ANON!

!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My rating:
2.5. You could definitely improve this, but I would love to come back and rerate/review if you do! Just let me know.

Impression of Title/Summary:
This is a little overused. It also gives a different impression than the poem has, at least to me it did.

Spelling, Grammar, and Tech Issues:
The fifth line of the first stanza, you used & but that looks rally out of place and is also missing a space between it and when. It would be best to replace it with and, especially since you have used and in other places in the poem.

My Thoughts on the Characters:
This type of poem does not have what people would normally define as 'characters,' but there is the narrator- a person whom we see is obviously in want of someone who loves him/her back as much as the narrator loves them, and there is the receiver, portrayed as a loving and gentle soul.

My Thoughts on the Plot:
-----

Flow/Rhythm:
I cannot say that I really found either...

What I Liked:
I liked the picture you showed us, a couple happily in love that will be comfortable with each other no matter what.

Suggestions:
Just those above.

Happy Holidays and on !

Nicole

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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10

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#3621082

Review of Pavor Nocturnus

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello Teners

!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 3.5. You have a couple of mistakes, but I love the poem itself. Let me know if you make changes and I will be more than happy to come back and rate/review again! :D

Impression of Title: This is... interesting. It caught my attention, and though I did go and look it up(that way I knew what I should say!) I knew what it meant vaguely and it intrigued me to look at your piece.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
The fifth line should just have a comma, not a semi-colon. As the sixth line is modifying the fifth, a semi-colon splits it too much.
The second to last line of your first stanza need to be its, not it's. Its is the possessive form, it's is the short of it is.
I would also suggest using a more space-y format. Right now your font is very small and a little hard to read. You don't have to make huge, but there are couple of ways you could make it more reader-friendly.

My thoughts: I love the pictures you paint, the feelings you invoke. I have nightmares myself, and this definitely expresses what it should. You actually inspired me to write something the first time I read this. :D

Flow/Rhythm: I like the rhyme and rhythm you use, it adds just enough to make it seem like poetry and not just something split at random lines(which I've seen way too much lately...)

Suggestions:
Only those above.

Overall: A great poem with vivid imagery that is used well. Thank you for sharing it with us, it is something I am glad to have had the pleasure of reading.

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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11

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#3604771

Review of Haunted Melody

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

A Halloween Special to Margs!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 3.5

Impression of Title: When I read your title first, I almost thought it said "Haunting Melody," but then I looked again and realized it was not that. This intrigued me... I like it, it fits well and gives your reader the chance to know what to expect from you before clicking.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, Tech Issues, OH MY!: I would like to point out, as I have had to do to a lot of authors lately, that you have lines ending in commas but followed by lines starting with capitals. This really defeats the purpose of the comma... When I, and I know I am not the only one, see a capital, I automatically assume that I looked too fast and that your comma was actually a period when in fact, it is not. I feel the comma/capital thing cancels the comma out... it becomes useless, thus also ruining your intended flow.
Also, since you do have punctuation throughout the poem, I see no reason that the ends of your stanzas have none. If anything, they need it most.

My thoughts: A good premise, a good poem... it just needs a little presentational polishing.

Flow/Rhythm: I like your rhythme and rhyme. Out of a personal taste, I have to comment that in the last line of your stanza, while I like the line itself, the ash part takes away some what from the rhyming rhythme you tried to create... just an observation.

Suggestions, If You Dare: Besides those above, I would like to say I think this poem would look great without the double-lined spacing. If you do not know how to prevent this on WDC, you can either look it up or feel free to ask anyone, including myself, for help.
If you make this change, I also think that centering the poem would be a good idea, but only if you make this change. Different poems, different types and styles, they all look better even the slightest bit differently.

Overall: Like I said, a good premise, good wording... just needs a little polishing.

May you have a haunting Halloween

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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12

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#3604770

Review of Grip of the Unseen

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

A Halloween Special to Steven!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 3.5, I like, but I have a few suggestions.

Impression of Title: The title is what interested my in the first place! By far a great thing to have.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, Tech Issues, OH MY!: Grammar in poetry varies to the author's will, and I since I see nothing absolutely incorrect, I think you did a fine job. Obviously you intentionally choose to skip ending punctuation, but I have to say I think that placing a period on the last line of the poem, or maybe even the last line of each stanza, would be a good thing.

My thoughts: You leave your reader dangling in mystery, and I think it is something you actually managed to pull off well. I truly like this poem.

Flow/Rhythm:---

Suggestions, If You Dare: That above, and maybe a little expansion of your poem? I just feel there is a lot more you could say, really leave an impact on your reader.

May you have a haunting Halloween

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Proud Member of the Writer's Encouragement Group

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13

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3604766

Review of My Broken Heart

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

A Halloween Special to Irisisflower!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 3, it could use a bit of editing. I would be happy to come back later if you like and review/rate again, if you make changes.

Impression of Title: It is not very original and I can not see you attracting much reader attention. Try something a little more creative, something that will give the reader an idea or what to expect from your peom.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, Tech Issues, OH MY!: The only errors you have are:
In the fourth stanza, two of your commas have spaces before them and the text.
The last line of the fourth stanza should be no pain, no doubt instead of No pain no doubt.
The fifth line of your last stanza should be Help me, will you please? instead of Help me will you please?
In the last stanza on the the third line, there should be a comma after dreams.
Also, you have lines ending in commas but the next line starts with a capital. This defeats the purpose of the comma, and ruins your intended flow.

My thoughts: I like your poem and the details you give your reader.

Flow/Rhythm:---

Suggestions, If You Dare: Those above, as well as:
Perhaps breaking the line "No wants, desires, dreams or wishes" into multiple lines. It reads kind of fast the way it is and I do not think that was your intent. Do take into consieration that doing this will make your last stanza fairly longer than the others. You might be best just take one or two of words out of that line.
I would also like to suggest centering your piece. It is up to you, some pieces look better in different positions than others, but I think because of the varying length of your lines centering would be a great idea.

Overall: You have a good poem with good detail that just needs a little fine tuning!

May you have a haunting Halloween

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Proud Member of the Writer's Encouragement Group

Proud member of the Power Reviewers Group!

Proud and Helpful Member of I.N.K.E.D.

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14

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3604764

Review of Equilibrium / grey

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

A Halloween Special to Udyant Wig!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 3.5, I actually really like this!

Impression of Title: I am not sure I understand your title. I can see no relation between it and the poem. Even if I did, the slash in it gives it a bad look. Aim for something that gives your readers an idea of what to expect from the poem, and somehting that they understand what it means after reading the poem.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, Tech Issues, OH MY!: Congratulations, I only saw one mistake. I am usually pointing out lots more when reviewing a piece. In your last stanza, the third line should read: The pendulum swings, it changes its sway. Noticed both the added comma and the subtracted apostoephe. It's = The short for it is. Its = possesive.

My thoughts: I really like every aspect of this.

Flow/Rhythm: I like how you make the lines in each stanza rhythm, though it confuses me that you broke this pattern in your second stanza.

Suggestions, If You Dare: I suggest considering what I said about your rhythm, as well as maybe centering your poem. I can understand if you disagree, but some poems just look better in different positions. I think this one would look great centered. Also think about a different title, as I mentioned.

Overall: A great poem that I am glad you shared with us!

May you have a haunting Halloween

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Proud Member of the Writer's Encouragement Group

Proud member of the Power Reviewers Group!

Proud and Helpful Member of I.N.K.E.D.

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15

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3604763

Review of Hollowed

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.5)

A Halloween Special to Ashlen!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 2.5, this could use a little polishing. I would be happy to come back if you like and rate again, even review, if you make changes.

Impression of Title: Your title fits, gives the readers an idea of what expect.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, Tech Issues, OH MY!: Grammar in a poem is usually the writer's choice. There are a variety of ways to do it, and each depends on how you want your poem to flow. I personally think your grammar is a bit wrong. You often have no punctuation or a comma after a lot of your sentences, yet each line starts with a capital letter. Remove the capitals of the lines after commas, and you will clean up the poem real quick.
Also, your first line should be Baby's not Babies.

My thoughts: I like how you separated the poem into stanzas, it allows for an easy read and makes the poem make more sense.
I think you could go a little more in-depth on her pain, on how she feels. Show your readers, not just tell them.

Flow/Rhythm: This has room for improvement. I like how you made the first two stanzas rhyme, I do wish you had continued to do the same with the rest of the poem.

Suggestions, If You Dare: Those above, and as I said, I would love to see a bit more detail into her emotion.

Overall: A good poem with good potential.

May you have a haunting Halloween

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Proud Member of the Writer's Encouragement Group

Proud member of the Power Reviewers Group!

Proud and Helpful Member of I.N.K.E.D.

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16

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3604762

Review of I Bid Thee Farewell

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (2.5)

A Halloween Special to Jennifer!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 3, it could do with a little editing. I would be more than happy to come back and review/rate again later if you would like, just let me know.

Impression of Title: I have to say, it is not very original. There are a number of more creative titles, ones that would help catch the reader's attention better and give them a small insight into what they will get from reading your poem.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, Tech Issues, OH MY!: Grammar in a poem is usually the writer's choice. There are a variety of ways to do it, and each depends on how you want your poem to flow. I personally think your grammar is slightly choppy, especially inside your lines. One thing that really stuck out to me was the "yes I know" on your repeating "sweet sorrow" line. It just looks messy.
Also, on the seventh line, you spelled though instead of thought.
On the eighth line you wrote to instead of too. To = Direction, such as "going to." Too = Distance, such as "too far."
On the seventeenth line, you again wrote though instead of thought.
And I am not sure what happened, but the beginning of your poem is in red, and the ending in black. When someone sees a change like this, he/she is often expecting some kind of change, typically in the POV.{/font}

My thoughts: I like the view you presented- showing that not everyone is all "good," and that if someone is hurt, they don't always take a good path to healing. I think that it's missing a bit of... polished-ness that really put me off.

Flow/Rhythm: Your repetition is a nice aid- I love it. As I mentioned, your grammar ruins the rest of your flow, at least for me.

Suggestions, If You Dare: Along with my grammar suggestions above, I think separating this into stanzas could really bring out a great aspect of it. Clean it up a litte, overall.

Overall: You have something that could be a great, even memorable read, once you clean it up.

May you have a haunting Halloween

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Proud Member of the Writer's Encouragement Group

Proud member of the Power Reviewers Group!

Proud and Helpful Member of I.N.K.E.D.

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17

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3541455

Review of Love Daggers

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Hello!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 4

Impression of Title: This seems a bit oddly phrased, for me, but that's pure opinion and otherwise it fits well.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
"Solution there is none, my life this will take" I would put a comma after solution.

My thoughts: Amazing. The emotion you evoke is something I don't usually encounter.

Flow/Rhythm: As always, you have just the right amount here. I love how you make your poems flow.

Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to put some kind of punctuation at the end of your stanzas. As I noted in my last review of your work, consistency is important. You did it with the questions; even a simple comma would do.

Overall: An amazing piece of pure emotion.

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Proud Member of the Writer's Encouragement Group

Proud member of the Power Review Group!

Proud and Helpful Member of I.N.K.E.D.

18

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3539776

Review of The Shining Blade

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 3.5

Impression of Title:
This fits, but blade should capitalized, and there should be no period at the end.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues: These are more suggestions than anything, as everyone's grammar in poetry is different, I hope they are helpful to you. Mostly, I consider grammar a necessary tool in showing the flow of the writing- I judge it usually on how it would be if the piece was a story, not a poem.
Take away the period after the first line and make it a comma.
I would add a comma after almost every line.
I would suggest adding a period at the end line of every stanza. You did it the first time and the last time; consistency is important.

My thoughts:
A very good, emotional poem. I love the emotion shown, the way you portray it. The inconsistency in grammar made a bit less enjoyable for me, though.

Flow/Rhythm: This is good, you have just the perfect amount of rhythm.

Suggestions:
Only the ones mentioned above.

Overall:
A great poem with a sad tone; it only needs a little tuning.

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Proud Member of the Writer's Encouragement Group

Proud member of the Power Review Group!

Flower Power Auction

[E]
Ended ~ Packages Being Fulfilled ~ Great Auction ~ Thanks to all
by Maryann

Proud and Helpful Member of I.N.K.E.D.

19

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3539775

Review of Silent Witness

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hello!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 3.5

Impression of Title: Fits great! :)

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
"...why does she put herself through this…why won’t she just get here on time." I think a question mark should be here.
"...and I gave her a tiny smile... get thru this... her." Thru should be through.
"'Great we... these kind of people?'" There should be a comma after Great.
"The class broke... threaten them with Fs." Threaten should be threatened.

My thoughts: This topic is a rather forgotten one. No one seems to realize the severity of it- yet you managed to.

Flow/Rhythm: ---

Suggestions:
None except the grammar above.

Overall: This is a great piece with major potential.

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Proud Member of the Writer's Encouragement Group

Proud member of the Power Review Group!

Flower Power Auction

[E]
Ended ~ Packages Being Fulfilled ~ Great Auction ~ Thanks to all
by Maryann

Proud and Helpful Member of I.N.K.E.D.

20

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3529715

Review of Wanna Kiss You

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: 13+

| (1.5)

Hello!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 1.5. I don't like giving low ratings, but the shorthand in this is a huge fail. I gave you a 1.5 instead of a 1 because I think you have an otherwise good good piece here, and that counts for something.

Impression of Title: This is good, however I don't see why it needs quotation marks or to be in capitols.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
I won't bore with all of these. I will say, on a site like this where we are here to help each other grow and learn their weak and strong points in writing, shorthand is a big no-no. It makes the piece hard to read, and some people won't even click on it due to the shorthand in the summary, because usually that means that the writing piece inside is also in shorthand. I make a major suggestion to correct this, and you would most likely have more views, and reviews.

My thoughts: This piece has major potential, but as I stated it is hampered a lot by the shorthand.

Flow/Rhythm: This was pretty good.

Suggestions:
After fixing the shorthand, I would recommend centering it, though this of course is up to you. But usually formatting and positioning in poetry make all the difference.

Overall: Potentially a great piece that just needs editing.

Love, Life, and Covens

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

Member of the Writer's Encouragement Group

Proud member of the Power Review Group!

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3524002

Review of The Memory Lane Malt Shop

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 3, there are a few issues I noticed...

Impression of Title: This is good, but ti might sound better as just "The Memory Lane" or "Memory Lane."

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
“'Wake up Mr. Ellington.'” There should be a comma after up.

My thoughts: I clicked on this because I know two people who had/have Alzheimers. It is very inspiring, and gives a feeling of hope that maybe they're in a place in their head that isn't so bad...

Flow/Rhythm: --

Suggestions:
"The... burgers commingled with the happy... evening." Is commingled a typo, or a word I just haven't seen before?
"Wasting no... in case the theatre was chilly... wasting." She grabbed her sweater, okay, it's a common detail, but do we really need to know why? It's kind of obvious, and a little redundant in my opinion.
"As their lips parted... closed." Is their a typo? I guess I don't really understand... shouldn't it have been her?
"Sid pulled her closer and kissed her again." Okay...did I completely miss the first time they kissed?
"A single tear... left eye... commitments." Not that it makes a HUGE difference, but do we really need to know it was his left eye? Again, it just seems redundant.

Overall: A good story that just needs a little polishing. :)

Love, Life, and Covens

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#3520206

Review of The Dead Letter

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

Hello!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 3

Impression of Title: I didn't really understand it at first. It doesn't really "click" well, if you know what I mean. I think you should try maybe revising it it just a little.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues: None that I saw.

My thoughts: Very inspiring, it seemed a little short, though I don't know what you could add.

Flow/Rhythm: ---

Suggestions: Revising the title.

Overall: An inspiring, thoughtful piece.

Love, Life, and Covens

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#3506987

Review of The River

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (1.0)

Hello!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said or suggested, that is your right as the author. No matter what though, keep writing!

My Rating: 1, I'm sorry, but this needs a lot of work. i would be more than happy yo come back and raise it later though!

Impression of Title: Fits the story fine. I did see a spelling mistake in your summary, loosing should be losing.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
My first suggestion would be to take out the "Regional" genre, and put in "Tragedy."
Also, this should have a higher rating in my opinion.
I have seen quite a few formatting issues, I would suggest either adding indents to the beginning of every paragraph, or taking them all out and adding double-spaces between each paragraph.
Your scene separators should have a blank line above then, as well as below them, because right now they are extremely easy to miss.
I noticed that a lot of your dialog does not have ending punctuation. I would say go read back through and fix this.

My thoughts: I think this is has a good plot.

Flow/Rhythm: This was fine for the most part.

Suggestions: The ones listed above. These are the kind of things that stop people from reading before they even hit the second sentence, so if I were you I would take these seriously.

Overall: Nice but tragic story, would be made better by correct punctuation and format, even if you choose to change it in another way I did not suggest.

Love, Life, and Covens

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#3506651

Review of THE LAST TREE

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Hello!

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you. If you don't agree with something I said, that your right as an author. No matter what, keep writing!

My Rating: 2.5, because a little work needs to be done, but I'd be more than happy to come back and change my rating! :)

Impression of Title: Fits the piece quite well!

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation, and Tech Issues:
Your first stanza is smaller than the others.
First stanza, second line needs an end comma, the same way it would get one if it was a sentence in a story.
Second stanza, first and second lines need commas.
Third stanza, also needs commas at end of first and second lines.
Fourth stanza, second line needs a comma at end.
Fifth stanza, third line needs a comma at end.
Last stanza, it's should be its as it's is the short for it is and that is not what you meant.
Last stanza, I think the second line should have a period,. if not at least a comma.

My thoughts: A very good subject to to talk about, definitely true and thought provoking.

Flow/Rhythm: Good for this type of poetry.

Suggestions: None other than the ones above.

Overall: Good but needs work in the grammar area.

Love, Life, and Covens

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#3503522

Review of Words of wisdom

Review by Unwritten Insanity

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Hey, I found a few mistakes so I'd figured I'd give you a review instead of waiting for you and trying to remember them.

General Disclaimer: My review is only my opinion, and is only meant to be helpful to you.

My Rating: 3, like I said, there were mistakes, but I'd be more than happy to raise this later!

Impression of Title: Very nice, easily relatable to the story.

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation:
“ 'No, nothing but some.... tonight.'" Space between the first quotation mark and the first word.
"The smell the enemy long before we see them." The should be they.
"'...I”m too worn out to care. Here..give this to him for me'. " One, you put double quotations marks(") instead of single(') in the I'm, and two, the end-of-dialog quotation marks should be outside the period, not inside.
"I didn’t... my business. I folded it up and placed it in my pocket. I headed... position." Again, past tense.
I noticed you have used your in places which should be you're, but it'd probably better if you just reread for these instances instead of me pointing each out.
"'Is someone Injured soldier? He asks, still not looking at me." You missed the end quotation mark here.
“'It seems selfish... and It’s affecting me more negatively then I thought it would." You missed the end quotation marks again, and it's should not be capitalized.

My thoughts: A very good piece, with quite the lesson in it.
Flow/Rhythm: ---

Suggestions:
"Late one night I’d woken up for my shift on guard duty." You changed from present tense to past tense with sentence, and then the next sentence is back to present. I would suggest rephrasing the sentence to fix this.
I think you should probably write out "Sgt," as it looks a bit un-professional-like or whatever you want to call it, lol.

Overall: Nice idea, but needs some editing.

Love, Life, and Covens

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