Okay, well done with the first paragraph, enough info to give a clear layout and not over done. We spoke a lot about the addition of jacapo and it was great how he was integrated smoothly when considering how the story went before. I liked the engraved plate bit. Nice work.

Okay nice description of the police reports. I always had trouble with the padlocks. pointless if some follows behind and cracks the safe. How about a hidden panel that reveals a magical lock that only wizards can unlock and keep the safe-door and the needed combo for added protection. Also mention a barrier maybe that they need to be blessed when they join in order to get through it in case evil wizards get fancy.

Good description of the base and the shepherds. Dialogue was natural enough and the explanations went well in that paragraph.

I liked how your able to intertwine details about the clan and they ops as you explain the current situation sort of a 'this is whats happening and an interesting 'why'', well done. Its what I like most about your writing.

Most of it I read before I like the added tid bits. The gun tells alot about the character and I think they were well chosen for each.

Man! It's a true joy going through that action scene that closes this already awesome chapter. Every detail did a wonderful job at painting a clear picture and puts the reader in the drivers seat with the added fact that it's written in 1st pov.

Okay idk if I should even rate this at this point. Its an amazing chapter and a great story but the heavy about of scattered grammar, punctuation errors, missing words etc. really deal a heavy blow to the quality at this point.

Lmao Emily had a point. I thought I'd stop by and show you how a real review should look

Of course this type of review is minimal, there are reviews/reviwers with templates that have every section and area covered and commented on. But for now just try aiming for more than on paragraph.