Love it!!! The parallel between colors, crayons, and people is pretty cool. :) The first two 'colors' are a bit repetitive, one looks perfect but isn't, the others almost perfect. Just a thought.
The transition and contrast is done beautifully. 'We lay scattered across the floor, the light can't find us any more.' Has the image of some toddler leaving his toys scattered on the ground. Gives you a picture as a comparison, which is awesome. :)
'and I'm afraid I, too
be lost
alone
a rainbow without color.
I don't know if you meant it, but the sentence reads, 'I'm afraid I, too be lost alone.' Maybe change to:
'and I'm afraid I too
will be lost
alone
a rainbow without color.'
Great poem! There's a lot of emotion, and you can feel the pain of the writer. :) I think a few of the rhyming words are used a bit too often, for example 'see' and 'me.' The questions are really nice - love those. :) Definitely needs an edit for grammar, and the wording in a few lines is a bit awkward, but overall - good job! ;)
I would like to point out that not everybody gets on here every day, or even every week, so sometimes they may not respond to any reviews immediately. :) Sometimes people are too busy, and only get on for a bit to check things, and so do not have the time to write responses to every review, though I admit this is a small percentage.
It seems that I'm not the only one with people COMPLETELY and TOTALLY getting something out of my poem that I had no idea was even THERE. Or who gets rather unhelpful reviews with only an 'encouraging note' and no helpful tips to go with it. That's nice to know . . .
But, as to your 'point', I do agree with it. IF somebody took the time to give a review, you should take the time to thank that person. Simple enough concept, and it only takes a few second to write one down. Thanks for your view!!
Wow, now THIS is something a bit new . . . magicians, machines, AND a lord of the undead. :P Haha, great job!! The characters are well described, though maybe a bit rushed. The wording is a bit awkward in some places, and you DEFINITELY need a grammar check, but overall, this is a book I'd want to read. :) Congrats!
Great poem!! Maybe I should write one of these . . . only it'd be much, much longer . . . :P I would put something besides 'with a woman who gets me', just 'cause somehow the wording doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the poem. :)
Wonderful! Though the rhythm, I must admit, is slightly off, the picture this invokes is pretty vivid picture. Makes me wonder about the circumstances, who the woman is, and the person narrating!!!!
I REALLY love the premise, but this is not as much a poem, as written in a poem's format. Though I know not all poems have to rhyme, this just doesn't have any of the beat, rhythm, or emotion required. However, your use of words is amazing!!! :) Also, love the metaphors! ;)
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