Dennis,
You need a comma(,) after June. "kissing her new boyfriend" is better. "Has she ever loved me since she broke up with me so easily? Met me saying words like". "but I understood that I got carried away with faking my illness" is unclear. "that nothing would ever get any" could be changed to would not get any". "Convinced that I really wanted to do it" made me "happy imagining her crying...." "What would she be" feeling. "Will she realize how important she was to me?"
These are the major grammatical errors I find with your piece. You can do this!
Well constructed! There is a problem with some of your punctuation that should be at the end of the sentence, but isn't. Quotes should be in " " (quotation marks). Your phrases need to be in quotation marks as well.I think if you fix those points, you will have an easier to read article. I like what you have to say and how you said it.
If I have my information correct, the "ball" in ice hockey is called a "puck". Near the end of the 19th paragraph, than needs to be then. Using than, you are comparing. Other than that, it was well written and the career was well documented. Good writing!
I went through that! The dog died, then I got a wonderful husband. My husband asks if I am writing something everyday! He is so good to me! Wonderfully written!
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