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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/parisprincess
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163 Public Reviews Given
165 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked the story plot

You need to not rush the bee part so quickly into the drama over the loss of your brother. YOu wil forget the real purpose of why you are in the country side. Say something like, I was thinking about my daft brother and all his stupid things he did as i accidently rubbed against a tree. This tree belonged to a massive nest of bees. Ecetra......

A good start to a story that could take several different turns.
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Review of Once Upon A Time  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
OMG so good! Loved it...
I was surprised and i have not gotten that on this sight in a while. My fave!

Good chioce of writing style for this quirky story.
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Review of The Kings of Old  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
YOur story here meets the criteria of a prologue that is good.

I honestly do not know how you could write a whole novel out of it but good luck.

I would definatly be interested in reading the first chapter. Just to see where you take this.
I just feel like you told us the whole story all ready?

Keep writing and i will keep reading. Let me know when you post the first chapter.
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Once again nicely written, you are a true writer with imagination. I am a fan!

Character choice: Great and you hit her false loving personality head on.

Grammar: well done

over all plot : well written

I just wrote a YA novel on Thanatos and Hypnos(nyx)children..I have the prologue on my site.
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5
Review of Beauty  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, how could anyone say anything bad about this one.

Beauty is all those things and more. YOu hit the core meaning of this word in so many ways. Beauty transends the soul in good and bad.

Very well done. I wish i could have written this one. Brilliant.
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Review of Untitled  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Cute story about loving everyone the way they are.
Liked your characters
Ending was sweet but predictable.
YOur title could be(A very Ug christmas!)

YOur story was well told and full of descriptions.
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Review of ARREST ME!  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was great! Are you a teenage boy? That is who i thought of as the criminal? Definatly male anyway, but women are carnivores too, dont forget..
Great write..
I liked the flow and the unadulterated messiness of the subject.
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Review of Mother of Summer.  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Title, was great!
Your poem almost made me cry.
Very emotional in such a small piece, very well penned!
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Very first sentence does not work. The grammer is completly off. Most of the story your grammer is off actually, to be blunt. I had a hard time understanding this story.

YOur characters were believable but i was still confused about the plot.


Spelling: realize, color

conclusion: A new reality? Not sure?

Sorry to say but your story needs a lot of work to be complete. Get a friend to edit it for you....good luck with your writing!
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Review of Everytime you!  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
very sweet
A couple mispelled words..

second to last line? Does not make sence to me.

So is this something you still have or miss?
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Review of Fix Me  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice flow, some grammer errors but a nice poem. If only we could be fixed by others? Unfortunatly we have to love ourselves in order to love another....
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I cant really critique this considering its your opinion. I do believe you have some intersting things here. If only one third of the world lived by those ten rules, we would all be in a better place. YOu have been gifted verbally and mentally, use that to your advantage. Thank you for your thoughts for i will try and apply them to my life.
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Review of Confusion  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I gave you only a four because you could have added more to make your point. I felt like you left us hanging. YOu tell me yes but your eyes say no,
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I know the feeling. I love the ending with the lifeless bird. She took your flight, your freedom and sucked the life out of you. That is what i got from your raw emotions. Very well done.
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Just a few grammer errors but a good plot and story so far. A romance novel i would like to read. I really liked the prologue, it was funny and kept me interested to start the book.
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Review of Flame of Passiom  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Good poem, liked the flow.
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Interesting...
Good erotic story...
I sometimes got confused on who was talking though. Had to read it a couple times.
Good job over all.
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Review of Rush Hour  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved this short little story of love in the slow lane...It really was brilliantly thought through clear to the end. Loved it!
I freaking hate Chicago traffic, just a side note.
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Review of Hot for teacher  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
We all have those dreams where we wake up and go damn.... YOurs sounded funny in the way you wrote it. You had a few mistakes as far as where periods and colons should go. This piece is almost like you wrote it at 2 am. being honest here..

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Review of Is it there?Love  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
sickening sweet! First of all the fist paragraph take out (of all that) at the end.You'll always be the greatest love I have ever had.
The last paragraph first sentance. It is not written correctly.
I feel so lucky to finally be able to love you. I have wanted to love you for so love.
just my suggestion
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
beautiful song. I really liked the words and the reference to flowers and being born anew. Unfortunetly in order to write this i fear you have been broken but newly healed. Good luck.
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
To be honest, i am not sure if this was interesting enough for me. Not catchy enough. Needs more something to the story, like where this is headed..
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I agree with your opinion. I liked the poem and it gives people a lot to think about .
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Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a beautiful poem after i read it several times to get the full blown meaning. Good write!
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Review of Summer Snow  Open in new Window.
Review by A. Pinto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
ok the story as a whole i would give it a 4and a half. But the beginning i so ruff i almost didnt continue to read it. The first like four little paragraphs are just plain. But the rest of the story and dialogue begin to unfold and it is interesting and has a lot of color to it. YOu had me imagining my own angel scene in my head. Good job.
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/parisprincess