Really good story! It has a sort of peaceful rythm to it that I really appreciated. I've never been a big fan of present tense when writing in first person. Which sounds better to you: We leave the shop slowly one by one as if passing through a coat check to pick up our inhibitions at the door....or.....They left the shop slowly one by one as if passing through a coat check to pick up their inhibitions at the door....I like the second one but I guess its really just a matter of opinion. The story is great as is don't get me wrong! So write on! And I invite you to come read and review one of my short stories. Cheers!
Nice! I can always appreciate mysterious and suspenseful endings. This is a great story; you should be proud of it! I really enjoyed reading it. I would suggest you take five minutes to go through and rework it a little bit to smoothe out a few kinks. Also, I invite you to come read and review one of my stories. Cheers and write on!
That was beautiful. In the last paragraph, I could almost see the ambulance lights all blury as they appeared to Molly and feel her head swim. You have a lot of creativity and a real talent as a writer. There's some rewriting you could do to make it flow better but still - it was beautiful. I invited you to check out my profile and read some of my stories. Cheers!
creative! it really creeped me out because honestly im not really into scarey movies but i can recognize good writing when i c it - and that was fantastic! if u like scifi u should check out my story dramatics - u can get it from my profile. cheers!
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