I really enjoyed your short story. Overall, it flows very well. There are a few items I will offer for your review.
1) In the first sentence I think you could of just said, "...hunched over his desk looking melancholy."
2) Later on you could say "He sighed before opening the door".
3) Did he sit back down before he put his hands on his desk?
4) Think about whether "the Lord is using you" or the Lord is with you.
5) Spelling: "I'm looking forward to your sermon..." "at the side of the chair aisles".
6) Inter dialogue, ...what's the use.
7) Remove quotations after ...a flushed face.
Lastly, think about some words that could be removed for instance remove likewise, typical in front of style,with those words, etc.
Your dialogue is so so good. You must really have an ear for how people speak to each other.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 4:20pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.