i understand the frustration. used to have two, one that always dripped and one that never kept made coffee hot enough. i would curse, scream, and get yelled at when i missed the spill.
ok little piece.
i llike your piece as much as i hate the subject. what happens to young people in war(there are women carrying guns over there also) is something 99% of politicians know nothing about. i do not really know myself. i spent 21 years in the navy but spent my time in the US or on an aircraft carrier fixing airplanes. but i have seen what it does. my dad was a medic who was in the normandy battles. a part of him was lost over there never to return.
your style and structure are good. i like the way you tranistion from your viewpoint to jake's to his friends. keep up the good work.
if you like, read my piece "i was over there while you slept" writing it was triggered by attending the funeral of a friend's son and my daughter's classmate. he was in the 82nd airborne and was killed in afganistan.
i really liked this piece. and yes i did get a chuckle from it. partly because it used to happen to my wife when she answered the phone. until a few years ago, her phone voice sounded like a 10 year old.
i guess your appearance or speech made the poor saleslady so uncomfortable all she wanted to do was run. you did a good job with your descriptions, i was able to see her on your doorstep fumbling for the next thing to say.
keep up the good work.
the old sailor
nice work. i liked the ending, stories like this should end on a positive note. i would have liked a date reference, only because i spent part of a summer on an aircraft carrier in the northern adriatic in 1993. was probably the hardest part of the deployment, seeing what was happening in bosnia on CNN EUROPE, and not doing anything to help.
good work on keeping the story flowing, keeping dialog short and to the point, and doing a good job of allowing the reader to visualize what is going on.
keep up the hard work.
the old sailor
interesting thoughts. dont know how old you are, but i have found the time in the middle (say age 15 to 35) was filled with the most challanges. not that they go away, but some can be avoided. once i have found out that steel heated red burns, i dont have to touch it again to see if it burns. maybe i have gotten to the point where i don't see things as challanges as much as just daily life.
maybe you could have given one example of an obstacle and where the two paths(one overcoming and one avoiding) would lead.
keep up the good fight.
the old sailor
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