Rather interesting piece here. The names in the first stanza did throw me off a bit. I thought it was a threesome or an at first. The rhyming makes it that much cheekier. It's good though.
I just love poems like this. I hope to run into more like this. However, "across y chest as you whip me" has a typo. It should be "across my chest as you whip me." Other than that, it's really sexy and great.
Whoa! This is some powerful stuff you have here. It starts out as sexy and then it turns dark. You have a couple of typos like "inncence" and "My hope are heightened." I think I might like to draw ideas from this one as well. You did good.
This poem reminds me of some of the work that I do. I really want to draw inspiration from this because it. I love the repetition of the words "brother" and "lover." They really draw the theme home. You did a good job with this poem.
This poem reminds me of one of my own characters in her struggle with lust and resistance. You do what I do with the sentences in a way. However, it looks bunched together and sloppy. If you break up where the sentences end, it'll look much more organized.
I really like this one. She is overcome with his loving power. This is the type of sexy I would like to see more often. You did really good with the wording and the repetition.
I have to admit, this poem made me giggle, not so much Twist and Shout, but I got a chuckle. You are one Crazy Mama(?) with the Beatles and Rolling Stones references. Now, I Know it's Only Rock 'N' Roll, but I like it with the rhyme scheme. As for your challenge...
Nineteenth Nervous Breakdown
I Want to Hold Your Hand
Sympathy for the Devil
All You Need is Love
Gimme Shelter
Brown Sugar
No Satisfaction
Help
Come Together
Ticket to Ride
Eight Days a Week
Tumbling Dice
This one is a good one here. I like how you play on Victoria's Secret and Calvin Kleine. I love how I can see the action and almost feel the emotions. I got confused at one by, thinking that it was the guy talking, but then I realized it was the girl. I think if you clear that up a bit you will see stars. You did good overall.
Ah, there is something about religion and sex that makes both more exciting. You did a good job blending both and displaying it in a tasty way. You started with a good title and you reached us with the themes, leaving us excited. You did a good job.
I like this one. The auburn hair part reminds me of one of my characters. You did the form correctly again and it leaves me wanting more. You did good.
I have to admit, I counted the syllables as I read each word aloud. Surveys says... you followed the format of the haiku correctly. The first one is the strongest one you have. You paint a flirty image like you set out to do. Tell me, are they connected into one big poem? If so, that is neat. If not, happy accident? Either way, it's good.
The concept is rather interesting. I like the rhyme scheme. I really want this to be in actual pictures or turned into a short story. I would just love to see the full before and after of this poem.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/noizchild
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.15 seconds at 10:27pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "