You tried but I couldn't feel the words...the poetic flavour.It's obvious that little or no effort was put in the work.Just my opinion,you can disregard it.Thanks for sharing your thought with us.
A nice, heart felt expression shared in a unique and soft-worded manner.I like your consistency with the rhymes and rhythm...you sure are a word miracle worker. Write on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deeply thought out words,filled with the powers to change the whole world in a second only if we could listen to the passions of the words.
Thanks for sharing such a wonderful work with us.
Can you please check line 17,that ''my'' is it right?Should it not be ''me or mine?''In line 19,the ''b'',I think it should be ''be.'' Just my humble opinion,you can disregard it.
Shalom.
Please revisit the title of this work.I think it should read;''The Sad Princess And The Mean Frog.''
You missed ''c'' in Princess and ''r'' in frog.
Check also the second paragraph,line 2.I think it should be;''...nothing happened,''
Check the 8th line of the second paragraph.I think it should be;''For the frog tricked her...''
Also try and observe the rules of capital letters.
These are my humble opinions,you can disregard them.
It's a very good story...I like the wise frog.Thanks.
I love the sound movement you created in your poem,beating with the heart as one reads...I saw the honest passion in your work,''Pretty little me...caved in so selfishly.''Honesty is the first step to self discovery...I hope yuo speak again.
Please try and rate the work "'É'' so that many will read it.It's so filled with life.
Very short and captivating...It reminds me of ''I Am Legend'' by Will Smith.
The same scavenging of the city ruins. You did a great work in few words by scavenging the poetic ruins.
I like the first line that gave the perfect picture of the beauty to behold with the soft,silky words of your unfolding passion.
well painted,the amazing image of the sleeping lady!
Truly,you painted your heart for us to see the hopelessness of this present day...many questions begging for answers! Who has the answers?Only TIME!Now is not the answer cos Now is equally confused;as confused as today's church.
It's a heart felt emotional outpour,filled with a flow of honesty in a bid to finding true acceptance and happiness...which you really found in the last stanza of the poem.That was great,and the words came deep down from within.Well delivered.
But I noticed some errors in stanza one,line four, where you wrote; ''your not.''I think it should be;''you are not,or you're not.''
In stanza four,you wrote;''But there is some people who changes it all
Who makes me the way Iam now...''
I think It should be;''But there are some people who change it all
Who make me the way I am now...''
RULES OF CONCORD!
Thanks for writing.
You must be funny! I like that.
But I think there is no proper connection among the first three sentences. In my own opinion,I think it should be better like this; ''...I used to serve myself,I would say hello to my spirit's spirit,and yeah to my soul,how do you do,that I am fond of a...''
Greet yourself for me and keep writing.
You exbited a high level of emotional connection with your reader,making him not only feel what you feel but also touch every drop of your tears through the gracious flow of your wounded heart.
It's a wonderful piece well crafted.
You're honest with words,but in my own opinion,the piece needs some poetic flavour.
In the last line,I think the question should be;"are you envious?" There is a wide gap between envy and jealousy,and the topic you're talking is envy.
In that same third line,I think the statement should read;''she hoped dancing in..."But you wrote;''she was hope dancing in..."
Like I said,just my candid opinion.Thanks and keep writing.
It's a personal prayer to your creator,skillfully painted with a sharp brush of creativity.Why won't He grant you your request?!
You're honest before your God,giving Him two requests to choose from but I prefer the second request,the thired stanza.It demonstrates your courage to carry on.He's given you the words,I hope you begin.
In the last line of the poem where you used "...will...begins..." I think it should be "...will...begin..." Just my opinion.I honestly enjoyed the poem and was inspired by it.Thanks.
I'm glad that great writers sre coming out to pen down their minds for the universe.You're very skillful with words that unleashed the agony of your mind in this wonderful piece.
I like the use of repetition in the poem to lay emphasis on the key word "alone." Not only that but also the final agonistic qualification of destiny;"uniquely cruel destiny."
God bless your fingers and forever make your heart a garden of daisies so that we shall eternally swim in the ocean of your creativity.
You pulled out every fibre of your soul to relate with mine with such a wonderful poem.Sorry if I say I've nothing bad about the poem because it's perfect,SO PERFECT!
I don't have much to say than;''thank you for being objective...'' Christianity these days is so delicate and you have the God given wisdom to address burning issues on it.You are a gift to this generation.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nnabuike
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.13 seconds at 11:11am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
