Well done on a moving letter to yourself. You have some great goals to work towards. Sometimes taking one small step at a time is all we can do and before you know it, you will look back and have found that have walked a mile. Good luck with your goals. Don't forget to add some things that bring you joy to the list, not just chores and things that you need to make yourself do.
I was flicking through some stories looking for one that seemed interesting. The title of your story drew me in straight away. I love the title and just had to find out what the story was about.
Your story has a wide range of believable characters. You have included many interesting events in this chapter. I can't wait to read the rest of your book.
I did notice one typo mistake.
The sunlight bounces (of) the lake water as the geese bob for food- (off)
Also, I have one suggestion. I am only a beginner writer myself and am no expert so feel free to ignore it entirely. At the end of the story Joseph and Jael see a head on car crash. It might make the story flow a little better if you add a sentence to say that they drive past. It took me a minute to realise that they didn't stop to see if the driver was ok or to see if anyone else stopped.
I came across your wonderful story when looking at the reviewers page. It is great. I was a kindergarten teacher for many years before switching to primary school. I can imagine the pictures that would go with your story, and a bunch of five year olds rolling across the floor in a fit of laughter.
It is perfect for young children, funny and imaginative.
Well done.
I found that your story is very well organized and follows a logical sequence.
One small thing, you wrote "she saw her daddy shook his head and walk away". I was wondering if it is meant to be shake his head, rather than shook his head.
Thanks for sharing your story.
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