Such a sad little story.Definitely worth the time to read. What a gifted storyteller you are! I don't even want to spoil the story by thinking about the ending yet I fear I must. When a story gets my attention like this one did, and take my word for it "it did that" and more, it is because of a talented writer! Thanks for letting me read and review it...Nina
Have you been to London? I haven't but they appear to be a very strong and united country. With their terror coming on the heels of ours, this memorial you have written will stay with me as I continue to stay abreast of happenings there. Have you thought about sending to the London press?
I have spent most of my time here as a new member reading and reviewing because I was afraid to show my work, but you have certainly set the record. This is the most exquisite piece of poetry I have read in my life. I want to commend you on a job well done. I hope in the future I can write as well as you!
This is a wonderfully written piece. I have found myself reviewing these and you are fast becoming my favorite author here at writing.com. The flow was so easy to read and follow. It makes one think of Christmas, snow and gaiety. If only every piece of writing conveyed what yours does. Thank you for letting me read it.
I went into this review with my eyes wide open. And you opened my heart. There are times I feel exactly like this. When I started on writing.com I to felt exactly like this and yet I continue. I haven't posted much because I too, am scared to let anyone pry to closely. There was so much in this piece that I cannot thank you enough for posting it. It has encouraged me to post more.
You might consider capitalizing Thanks and Steve. I do think you have captured the imagination of anyone who writes and reads this. I know I will visit the website. You might consider placing this as a sponsored item for increased response from interested readers and writers! Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
In paragraph seven, insert the word A in the sentence, It was amazing because the inside looked like the outside of A castle at night. In paragraph thirteen, you might consider using Jackie and deleting the word he for an easier read. It has good characters and ends with a twist, I like that. Thanks for letting me read it.
It has a soul, no doubt about it. The only thing I would do is insert a word in the second stanza; Might be cancer, the doctor has said. It has soul though and I have read very few of those. I will certainly pray with you and be sure to let us know what happens.
There isn't much I would change. In the second stanza you might consider re-wording the last sentence. Maybe, It's as if time stands still, just as always. You definitely want to end the fourth sentence with a period even if you don't reword it. Other than that I think you have a wonderful gift, and I am not just talking about your writing.
First things first. I found one typo in paragraph seven, in the sentence beginning This caused me...instead of fell it should be fall. As for content, a wonderfully written story. I have read several of your pieces and all I can say is that you are one heck of a writer!
Very delightful! A good twist on the fable. You have a very clever imagination. I began reading this without basing in on the fairy tale but surprised at the concept. We need more fairy tales like this. Hopefully you will write more of these tales, much better than Grimm!
Excellent work. Imaginative, creative and direct.It was easy to read and kept you involved. It also made one think about what if...? A very good start, if the rest is as easy to read,, well-written and intriguing then I think you have something here. I'll be watching for the next installment.
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