Wow! Very, very good story! It flows well and is highly readable. I like the way you used a line of dialogue at the beginning. That's a good attention grabber. I love the ending. It's a real shocker!
One way that you could improve on the story would be to include some physical description of the characters. Also, I'd like to know what happened to Glenda. Did she escape before the police arrived, or did they take her away?
A terrific story! Very good writing throughout, however i feel that the beginning could be improved by adding more detail and a bit of dialouge. Who is the man who is visiting Patricia and what is he rambling on about? I also think this part should be shortened. I was eager for the man to leave so the vampire could enter the scene.
This is the best vampire story I've read in a long time.
Write on!
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