Another well written chapter. I have no suggestions except perhaps a transition sentence or two when you switch action from Seamus or Treasa to the other. I liked the Aidan character, though not too much information is given about him.
I assume, although you don't say, that this is going to be a short story. It has an interesting beginning with a mysterious event or war not fully explained. Neither character is fully developed yet either. You have some great imagery in the descriptive writing of the setting of the piece such as the buildings that looked like empty eye sockets. :)
Nice effort here, so far, and I look forward to more of the story. It is well written for the most part although it would read easier with paragraph breaks where dialog is concerned.
This is an interesting poem about what might happen because of global warming. Except for some misspelled words ('plung,' did you mean 'plunge?'), it is well writtten and nicely paced. The rhythm is not perfect but easy. I really like the first verse and it sets the poem up nicely as the last verse neatly wraps it up.
This is lovely poem/prayer to the Lord which is very well written. I think it would be nicer broken into verses/stanzas but that's just my personal feeling. I love the lines about 'night has finally gone.... It will be a wonderful day when I am sure of his will, and I long to hear 'welcome home, thou faithful servant.'
It's a good coninuation of the story. Once again, I didn't see any errors. This chapter seemed a bit 'hurried.' I wondered why he burned his home place since he expected the killing to be discovered anyway. Also, you could mention how far the neighbors were and how he got the flock there while taking his wife and child and how far it was. I think this would add to the tension. Did he take or throw away the three buttons from the soldier's uniform, etc.?
Nice job, and I look forward to more of the story.
A great beginning... The story is chock full of imagery so that even this Italian can imagine the Irish setting. The benign opening hid the violent and surprising ending well, good story telling.
I didn't see any grammatical errors, and punctuation seems pretty good too. The pacing is excellent.
Good job. I have no real suggestions for improvement.
Nick
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nickoftime
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 8:06pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
