I could tell the poet was really inspired by Autumn to write this:
sewing nature's scraps
into a crazy quilt
of red and orange,
yellow and brown
That is a really good image to take in and the centerpiece of the poem that I felt was just ramping up. You have a really good metaphor for how that quilt covers the grass.
I wondered though, does no one rake? In the last line its told the quilt will lie there until spring. I think you could have more possibilities with the central theme of this poem.
I think I recognize this as a shape poem, about autumn, and if I'm right, that's a tree.
The words reveal the season from 'cool air' and 'bright hues' to a 'summer sun' waning. You refer to 'cool' again, which might be redundant. Possible opportunity here?
I like the summation and how it reveals. It feels like most poems about Fall focus on the central fact that there is a change in the air and it is ominous.
You short poem had some unique expressions for Autumn that I've never considered before and they do paint a picture for me. I liked the suggestion of 'antique colors' to describe tree's leaves in fall. You add more to this in the second verse by revealing they glow more than us. There is more meaning in that verse that hints that I'm not sure I know, but the poet.
I think there is some intrigue and mystery here about how you relate people to leaves. It takes a couple reads to kind of get a taste. I think it's brevity makes me want to know more.
This poem was a nice metaphor for looking back at life. I like the mental image of leaves like years falling to create a colorful pile. Though, I'm wondering who's going to rake that up. Maybe, there's a follow up poem in the works? LOL
It's short and sweet and should be appreciated by anyone who recalls life in this sentimental way. It makes me think of a wise old person in a rocker relaying this information to someone younger. It's a patient and caring poem.
I smile when I read your poem about leaves. I got some visual images from the words you choose. I imagine sitting inside and how your words make me realize you can't see where the falling leaves are going, when you say without a trace. If you could fully visualize this scene, your eyes would discover where they go.
The first sentence seemed award with 'so leaves so loving...' and wondered if it was a mistype or something. Otherwise, the ending line gave me a laugh. 'You are dead.' You paint a pretty picture and then metaphorically kill these images and quickly end the poem with that line. That gave me the smile.
I have read this short piece several times and get feel the inspiration you felt when you wrote. This haiku puts me in your shoes. I can imagine the cool wind at night and the sound of the chimes. It affects two of the senses. It also uses personification. Making the chimes come alive as if dancing.
What makes the most sense is how it ends. Haikus call for summation and saying 'Autumn's moving on' feels like it takes what I discovered and puts a stamp on it, a message. It makes it clear what we're experiencing, writer and me.
As New Year's resolutions go, you point out what you failed to accomplish. And I take it that from the lack of effort in some of these areas makes it your focus for 2008?
while reading this I cringed a bit, wanting you to go easier on yourself. Calling yourself lazy might not help break the cycle. Reinforcing your positives and putting the focus on your abilities might be a better approach. Just write off 2007 and say to yourself, 'what can I accomplish in 08' and then make a list of things you'd like to do and some rewards for yourself for getting them done.
I would feel burned out and tired and lazy if I looked back at what I didn't do. But that's just me. It sounds like you are driven. I think I've read your stuff before and know you can write a compelling tale. I bet you'll do great in 2008 if you kept your blinders on and kept looking ahead.
This story shocks and startles me when I read. I didn't know what to expect going in and was riveted by what happens. I don't know if this is a true account or a ficitionalized account, but it kept me wondering if it was true.
In a few spots, I had to be taken out of the story to be told what would ultimately happen to her like what the doctor would tell her about her deafness. I think it would be better not to tell some parts and have more of the helplessness, trying to figure out what is going on. You use the ending to tie things up and think you could add the part about the deafness and other early revelations there. I wouldn't change the part where she suspects her brother is dead, because no one tells her that, and it gives a sense of foreboding of what is in store now.
Really intense stuff. I liked it.
Nick
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