The only reason for the middle-of-the-road rating is that you let your emotion overwhelm your basic grammatical structure. The emotional content is intense and I feel the need to ache and mourn with you. The confusion that you are feeling is tragic and you are definitely in a bad place. As to your particular dilemma I feel that TRUTH and HONESTY is the best regardless of the consequences. It sounds like you attempted to spare some peoples feelings and wound up lying in the process. My mother taught me that one lie easily leads to another and soon you are overwhelmed with so many lies that the truth is no longer in sight. You feel you have lost so much...trust in the truth and in yourself. The "him" in your peice is not worth the time and worry that you have put into your feelings for him if he isn't willing to give you another chance. Hang in there. Do some damage control. And breathe. Smile. You are not alone. So many of us have done EXACTLY the same as you by trying to spare the feelings of someone else.
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