Before I begin I want you to know I keep my reviews simple and critique more on style, substance, and what effect the piece has on me. I also critique on punctuation and grammar. My reviews are public unless you specifically ask for a private one. I do give out gift points from time to time and I will give out ratings all the time.
Now that we have all that out of the way on to the review!
What did I Like? I liked the flow and the wordage. The play upon words.I liked that this poem got me thinking of God and our own unwillingness to explore total freedom. That is what I got out of it.
What didn't I like? This was an enjoyable piece. I really could not find anything I didn't like.
What do I feel needs improvement? The only thing I found was in the next to the last line of the last stanza. I feel the word awake should be awaken. I would also suggest coming up with a title. I think I get it. You're making a statement of freedom and un-restraint (think I might have just coined a word but you know what I am saying), but this piece deserves a title. Just a suggestion.
How did "Insert title here" make me feel? It got me thinking about a lot of things. For one thing death. For me the first stanza illustrates dying and entering the unknown. The second thing it got me thinking about was God. The thought about love being two breathless thoughts, that of love Therefore it had to be and just was... to me that speaks of God. That speaks of Him being love just being not being created. And it just was... This is a good poem. Thank you for sharing it.
How many stars?
Hope this helps please return the favor by reviewing "My Beloved"
Hi! My name is Sandy and I just reviewed your short story
Bonds Revived (E) Of Bonds, Life, Death, Materiel Possessions and Memories #2111547 by Sonya
Before I begin I want you to know I keep my reviews simple and critique more on style, substance, and what effect the piece had on me. I will critique on grammar and punctuation also. My reviews are public unless you specifically ask for a private one. I do give out gift points from time to time and I will give out ratings all the time.
Now that we have all that out of the way on to the review!
Reviewed Item:
Bonds Revived (E) Of Bonds, Life, Death, Materiel Possessions and Memories #2111547 by Sonya
What did I like? I liked the feelings you were trying to capture. I liked the idea of everyday rituals leading to a flood of nostalgia. I love the story this tells. It is very vivid and that is a good thing.
What I didn't like? The main problem I saw was continuous punctuation and grammar mistakes throughout the whole piece, which was distracting for the reader and kept me from really delving into the complex emotion your were conveying.
What I felt needed improvement? I am not one to go line by line and suggest what needs improvement. I will say there are way too many ellipses and colons used in this piece. You can probably replace all of them with commas and have the same flow you were portraying throughout the story. Some sentences could be reconstructed and worded better. I will give you an example of this: your line- Dusting here and there I see those of his files and folders that have been orderly stacked by him over the years in several shelves a better usage would be Dusting here and there, I see shelves of files and folders that he had stacked in an orderly manner throughout the years. There are a couple of places where the sentences are broken like this. By rearranging them you get a complete thought and flow going through the piece. I would do some editing. The thoughts are there and the story has potential but it seems to be a paragraph of phrases. They need to be complete sentences for complete thoughts.
How did "Bonds Revived" make me feel? My overall impression of this story is very good. It is emotional and it is interesting to explore the sad and melancholy. I think some punctuation and grammar corrections could make a world of difference. Keep plucking away a it. The idea is strong, the structure needs some work.
How many stars?
Hope this helps please return the favor by reviewing "Unbalanced" .
Wow! This piece really touched me. I cannot even begin to know the grief of a parent for a lost child, especially one that has not entered the world, but I do know something about grieving and this essay captured that feeling for me. The part where you cry out to God asking for His relief from the darkness is very real and very heartfelt. Well done and thank you for this gift.
Death is such a hard subject to write about, especially for those who have lost a loved one. Your description implied this was a tribute to your aunt. It was a beautiful tribute. I like the imagery of the heather throughout the poem. Indeed in life she was trapped by pain, and now she is free of that bondage. It was very touching. This is a good poem. The rhythm was a little off in the last 2 stanzas but I think in this case the meaning of the words outweighed the rhythm of them. Good job.
I really liked the mood, imagery and cadence of this poem. your words flow fluently. They paint a story in your mind. This is a good piece and I encourage you to keep writing and sharing your poetry. There is something satisfying about writing that paints vivid pictures and that is what this piece did. Good job!
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