This was an eerie short story. Harley's transition near the end into fully psychotic was a bit abrupt, but you did a great job of laying in prior experiences. I loved your use of music, the recurring theme of Beast of Burden (one of my favorite Stones songs). Mental issues are often very hard to write for or about, and you handled the subject matter deftly. Also your intro about how things change when you stare at them long enough really did a good job of hooking me in and making me want to hear more. I look forward to reading more by you.
This was a very fun read. I especially enjoyed the imagery and wordplay. In particular, the description of the screams was nice. And I'm a sucker for twist endings, O. Henry being cheif among those types of writers. I, too wonder where John ended up. There is some grammar to clean up but it's mostly a fun and enjoyable read, and I wish you well in future endeavors.
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