First off, I'd like to point out the spelling/typing/obvious mistakes:
Senity = Sanity
Plessure = Pleasure
Parell = ?
Speak louder then = speak louder than
Hungary= hungry
Stummbled with = stumbled in
Tunfull = tuneful
Cripilled = crimpled / crippled
Instinctly = instinctively
Throut = Throat
Its over = it’s over
I suggest you spell check after you write something, it should help a lot, because no one likes reading a text full of easily avoidable mistakes.
I'm curious on knowing if your first language or mother tongue is English? because some of the sentences have incorrect syntax and that may be because other languages are interfering.
When we put that aside, I believe the story is great. The imagery is really amazing and bone-chilling. Very captivating line after line!
I think if you re-work it a bit and reformulate a few phrases here and there with the help of someone who may be more comfortable in the language, I think this piece of writing could turn out really breathtaking. Excuse the pun.
Good luck! and if you need any help, let me know! I'd be glad to do what I can for you!
Mx
-------- My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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