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Review of The First Year  Open in new Window.
Review by Murray Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I enjoyed to dialogue and it is well written. I think you might avoid quite so much detail on how to "hit the send" button on the computer, etc. Sometimes, it is better to either 1)assume someone knows how to do something or 2)leave little mystery there. The short sentences and detailed description makes it a bit jerky and it could flow better with some small touch ups.

Some small technical details:
1. Eachother – add space – also in the flashback
2. Grace was never very good at math – if you scratch "very" the statement is more positive.
3. As she was working on the definitions of the key words from the reading portion of her text the answer to the one question she hadn't been able to give to Jack popped in her head. – suggest a commas after the word "text" and "Jack"

Your a good writer. If this is part of a book, I personally would have preferred an ending that left me surpised or startled, but this of course depends on your intent.
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