I love rhyming, but it's not often done well or it becomes too cutesy. I think you did a great job and actually made the poem better by using rhyme. It especially works because of the humor.
I would just recommend that you stay consistent with the meter. You have created a kind of wave effect---where you start with 5 words and follow with 5 or 6 words in each sentence. This gets thrown off in a few verses. For example, the last line of verse 1 might fit the rhythm you created better if you wrote something like "To knock people off the routine they serve." You can keep the "that" if you think people can quickly read "routine" almost as one syllable.
The last line in verse 2 might flow better with "We'd never arrived before the first song." The wave effect is more easily created.
Verse 3 triggered my reaction the most of all. Line 3 of verse 3 just seems out of place---it's too long. I would recommend something like "Doughnuts were brought and shared in our big hall." Switching the placement of doughnuts helps the meter. Reception may be left in if it can definitely be read as 2 syllables. It would then read as"Doughnuts were brought to share in reception hall."
Of the rest of the verses, only verses 6 and 7 have a similar problem, so I encourage you to check and see whether you agree and understand what I mean. Test out the rhythm and think of the wave effect and decide if you want to change one of the lines in those verses.
Overall it was fun to read and made me smile! Thanks.
Great idea! I don't mind that the last dichotomy was left off--I think the most telling info is the middle dichotomies. A few thoughts: it's not clear whether you want people to guess what the predominant type is or "vote" by clicking on their own type. I did the latter, but think it would help readers if it were stated more clearly. It's also not totally clear whether you have to return and vote after taking the test or if the test results will automatically include you in the poll. I think that would also be worth clarifying. FYI, I've done quite a bit of study on the MBTI so enjoyed seeing the results. Thanks again. {suser: mtnnote}
I really like the overall concept and message of your poem! What would make a big difference for me and I think many readers is a sense of rhythm. Specific types of poetry have specific rhythms, but since this feels more like prose, you can create your own rhythm to help the poem flow. For example, I would not start the poem with a long question. I would use a question further down to provoke thought after the reader is drawn in. Starting the poem with short, descriptive words followed by a question might be more exciting to readers. We may wonder where you will take us with your thoughts. Creating pauses is another way to provide rhythm as well as tension in a poem. I would love to see you experiment with how you could create pauses with em dashes, more line spacing, and indented lines, etc. This would be especially effective for your powerful closing. How can you make your words stop like the world stops? Lastly, it's worthwhile to consider omitting words that aren't absolutely necessary to the content, such as "but" and "and," etc. Save this version and play with the poem some more--I'd be happy to look it over again if my comments are helpful. I hope so. I enjoyed reading your poem. {suser: mtnnote}
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A few thoughts: it's not clear whether you want people to guess what the predominant type is or "vote" by clicking on their own type. I did the latter, but think it would help readers if it were stated more clearly. It's also not totally clear whether you have to return and vote after taking the test or if the test results will automatically include you in the poll. I think that would also be worth clarifying. FYI, I've done quite a bit of study on the MBTI so enjoyed seeing the results. Thanks again. {suser: mtnnote}