Excellent rhythm and rhyme throughout the entire poem. The poem itself was haunting and sad; it certainly got to me. It has a sort of heaviness and melancholy that settles in the chest. The end of the poem is especially disheartening because it truly does happen. Cycles of trauma and abuse are absolutely horrific to think about. There's so much emotion in this poem. It's very good, and you did an excellent job.
I'm not exactly fond of haikus, so I may be biased. The form is great--all the lines have the right number of syllables etc. I did feel that they didn't flow as well as they could have; haikus are ideally supposed to be simple and straight-to-the-point while still maintaining their poetic flow and imagery. These achieve some of that, but the natural imagery is a little jumbled. For instance, it's difficult to associate "tree" with "colorful charms." I'll admit that I did like the second one more because the imagery seemed to agree a little better, but I still failed to completely picture trees or a scene involving trees. The reason I don't like haikus, personally, is because it takes a special talent to create a beautiful, breathtaking poem in so few lines and with such rigid form. You're on your way, but practice makes perfect.
I think I like this item most of all the items in your portfolio. It's short, sweet, and poetic. You didn't need many words to say what you needed to say here, and it leaves a surprising impression. There's something moving in the simplicity, and it feels right when it's read. That's something a lot of people strive very hard to achieve, so excellent job.
This was an interesting poem. Certain part I liked a lot, such as the first two stanzas, but the third didn't seem to flow as well to me. Should it have rhymed, like the rest of them? The last one was pretty good too. There were a few parts where the rhythm seemed a little off. It needs a little work to reach its full potential, so try reading it out loud and switching words around to see what flows the best, but it's definitely a good start.
Intriguing and thoughtful. You did a very nice job with this; I enjoyed the different comparisons and the various images you used to describe a concept we all think we know. The first-person personification of beauty really helped, too. Excellent. :)
Nice job! It started out pretty generic, like a lot of horror-sort stories, but even then, you're writing style added to it. There were a few cliches here and there, but nothing commanding special attention. The end was satisfying, and it managed to keep my attention the whole way through. Awesome work. :)
I can relate to this. It's so hard to find nature sometimes. Nice job overall. The only thing I could think to point out is you end two consecutive lines with the word "body," and it may sound a little better to change one of them. Great work; very thoughtful and reflective.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:29am on Nov 11, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
